Small Town City Girl

Ta Ta My Lovelies!

2007-02-28T13:47:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't written much lately. I think some how my blog that I used to write for me and only me, has become something else entirely.

It started off as a way to diary my crazy dating life. I threw in some cute little comparisons, some smug little stories, a disastrous date here and there, and I really had fun with it. But now, there are so many things going on that I don't want to share, and that leaves little to write.

I'm more than a little worried that some of my past mentions will some how come back to haunt me. While the easy thing would be just to delete everything all together, I just can't bring myself to do that yet.

So for now I'm taking a break, a hiatus, a sabbatical. Maybe when or if I come back, I'll have opened a new chapter in my life and I'll have more fun stories to tell. Until then ta ta my lovelies!

A Perfect Mess

2007-02-15T11:06:00.000-08:00

Last Valentines Day I wrote about how Cupid could keep his arrows to himself, and how I didn't want any of that "mess" that came along with feeling pressured to make some gesture just because it was Valentines Day. Last year I went out to dinner with one of my very best girlfriends, we had a delicious meal, a few drinks, and it was better than just about any date I could have imagined. This year wasn't much different. I went to the gym, then to store, then I met a good friend for terrible Mexican food. It was just like any other day, well almost.

I received an early phone call from the FL-TBDL (to be determined later) boy, wishing me a happy Valentines Day. Then when I got to work the FL-TBDL had sent me an e-card telling me how much me misses me and how much he loves me and how he can't wait to see me this weekend. That's right, he's flying in tomorrow, and I couldn't be happier. Then right after lunch I received a Fedex package from him. As I tore into the box I realized it was roses from him. A dozen carefully wrapped, delicate flowers. After unpacking them, cutting the stems, filling the provided vase with plant food and cool tap water, I stood back to look at my work. It was a perfect mess. The buds are supposed to be pink. But they were in the damp packing foam so long they are more of a peachish, greenish, brown. They are molded, the petals are torn, they generally look awful, and I couldn't love them more. While I am upset he spent so much on less than mediocre flowers, it's the thought that counts in my opinion, and his thoughts were definitely on me all day yesterday!

I called to tell him how much I loved them and he ask that I bring them home with me tomorrow afternoon so that he could see them. I just hope they hold together that long! I know he's going to look at them and be disappointed. I know he's going to think he messed up big time by ordering them from an online flower service. But to me, the are just like he and I-a perfect mess!

30-Love?

2007-02-06T14:00:00.001-08:00

So I went out with the tennis pro the other night. We met some of my friends out for dinner and drinks. Then we went to one of my fav local bars for some more drinks and a few games of pool. After my friends left, and it was just me and the pro, the game came to an abrupt end.

The conversation went something like this:

Pro: So, I just wanted to tell you that I really like you. I've had so much fun every time we've hung out. I think the past three weeks has been the best of my life. I still get butterflies when I drive over to pick you up for a date.

Me: Thanks, I've had a really good time too.

From the above conversation it sounds like he was really into me. I thought I'd finally met a guy who is not afraid to tell you how he feels and what's on his mind. And that's exactly what he did next.

Then he said: Pro: But I don't want anything serious. I like things the way they are, I don't want a commitment or anything like that.

Huuuum….so maybe I was a little off about how crazy he was about me.

Me: Well that's just fine. I like how things are too!

Pro: So, I need to ask you something. What kind of game are you playing exactly? Because I would like to join in since I can't seem to figure it out. (He said this with a leer, it was very surprising.)

Me: I'm not sure what you're talking about.

Pro: Sure you do. I do everything. I take you to dinner, take you to lunch, bring you flowers, bring you coffee, I even bring you gifts for your stupid dog. What's the deal? When are you going to HAVE SEX WITH ME?? I mean what else do you want? Jeeez.

Me: I was basically speechless at this point.

I told him that we'd discussed this in the past. And that I meant what I said, I'm not a casual sex kind of girl, and that I didn't think a couple of weeks of seeing each other was enough for me to hope in bed with him. I told him I wasn't playing any games because I'd been honest with him, completely honest.

Pro: Fine so lets have a relationship then. (This being said not ten minutes after he told me he wanted to keep things exactly the same.) Then maybe you'll give it up.

Me: No, that's not going to work. I don't understand where this is coming from.

Pro: (Obviously seeing that he needed to change tactics)--taking my hand--Anne, I want to introduce you to my family. It's very important to me.

Me: I've met them remember?

Pro: Oh yeah, well I want to meet your family. I want to do that together.

Me: Well I don't just take guys home that I’m seeing.

Pro: Well (in a poor little me voice) I'm sure I wouldn't be good enough for you family anyway. I mean I don't hunt or fish really. I'm sure you dad would look at me and wonder what the F*&K is my daughter thinking.

Me: My family's not like that. They are great, and they would be happy to meet anyone that I felt close enough to to take home.

Pro: So then we can have sex?

Me: No, I’m sorry but I'm really confused. Do you just want to have sex with someone? Because if that's the deal, then you should just find someone to have sex with. I don't care.

Pro: You’re a bitch.
~By this time I'd had enough. He was basically yelling at me, and other people were starting to look at us. So I went to the ladies room, he paid the check, we argued all the way back to my place then I told him good night, without a chance for him to walk me to the door.

I met with him on Saturday, so we could talk about everything. But I didn't really need to hear it. I'd made up my mind. I felt like every nice thing he'd done was so that he could get me in the sack. And even if that wasn't true, he never disputed that when I ask him about it. So it was over for me anyway, I'd never trust that he didn't have an agenda.

So ended my short lived relationship with the tennis pro. Game Set Match!

My Past In My Present

2007-01-30T14:26:00.000-08:00

The FL ex has been trying to find a way to get back into the present with me. He's called, he's e-mailed, text, even sent me flowers. Finally, after all of that he decided he just needed to fly to LR and "make it work". I admit, part of me was excited about the idea of seeing him. I was looking forward to spending some time with him, taking him to my favorite restaurant, going shopping. But, I was not at all excited about the conversation I knew would be inevitable. I knew he would want to talk about the past, and talk about our future. And I wasn't at all prepared for that when I'm happy in my present.

So, I did what I thought was necessary. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea for him to come see me. In fact, I told him this wouldn't work for me any more, and as sorry as I am about it, I need to be happy. I know how this all may sound, like I'm heartless, uncaring. But it's the opposite actually, I do care about him, I'm sure I always will. Obviously I’m not heartless because my heart does hurt a little right now, but, I'm happier already. I feel like a weight has been lifted.

During all of this turmoil, the tennis pro was by my side. I told him the truth, I told both of them actually. So there were no secrets between us. The tennis pro said he could wait for the weekend to be over, he said he understood that these things happen, and he just wanted me to be happy. I was so relieved. When I told him the ex wasn't flying in after all, he didn't have much to say. And I was again relieved because I didn't do it for him, I did it for me.

So for now I'm enjoying my present and walking away from the past.

Romance And The Realist

2007-01-25T14:48:00.000-08:00

I'm a realist, I just am. I don't look at the glass as being half empty or half full. I look at it and think, that glass only has half as much wine as it will hold in it, better get the bottle back out.

But while I'm this realist, lately, I've been thinking maybe I'm a bit of a romantic. I want romance in my life. I want slow dancing in the rain, or if it's too cold out, the living room will work. I want flowers for no reason, and little tokens just to make me smile. I want compliments, and car doors opened. I snuggling by the fire, and smores with red wine. I want to be kissed awake in the morning and to be surprised with breakfast in bed. I want to be kissed on the forehead in public, and I want my hand held just because he can't stand to not hold it. I want to be swept off my feet.

I've had a little taste of this lately, and I must say it's been amazing. In fact, it's been a little over whelming. But the realist in me wonders if it's romantic, or an agenda. I think maybe I'm just so taken aback by everything that I'm not sure if I should relax and trust him, or wonder about the old saying, "If it's seems to good to be true, it probably is".

Right now I can't help but wonder, can I enjoy the romance if I'm too worried about rather or not it's real?

Stretched Thin

2007-01-18T14:32:00.000-08:00

After some thinking, a little crying, and a lot of talking with a good friend about my "situation", I've completely ended things with the FL boy (formally the MS Boyfriend). Things are just to difficult and there is just to much missing from our relationship that I really want and need.

I've found that if I'm going to live 15 hours away from the person I'm dating, it's going to have to be on my terms. First, there has to be communication, and lots of it. If something's bothering me, I want to talk about it, even if it's the tiniest thing. There has to be trust, and there has to be willingness to give. I have to see this person more than just say, once every month and a half. There has to be understanding, compassion, and love. I'm a social person, and I don't want to give up any of my socializing because my boyfriend lives in another time zone.

I've been trying to conquer all of this for the last six months. I've been traveling to see him (he's done the same, but not as often as he should). I've been trying to talk to him and get him to talk back. This has been a real ordeal, he's not a talker. I've been trying to balance my social life and still make time to talk to him as much as possible and visit him every chance I've gotten. The truth is, I didn't want to go out to bars when I was with him, I didn't want to talk to other guys. I wanted to hang out with my girlfriends, and talk to the bf when I could. I was being mature, and not taking advantage of anything (or anyone for that matter). But some where along the way I realized I wasn't getting what I needed in return. I was getting late night drunk dials during the week, well after I'd gone to bed. I wasn't getting the reassuring words I was hoping for. In fact, other than a nightly call and a few e-mails, I wasn't getting enough to make me happy. And this made me sad and reclusive.

I hate that things did not work out for us the way we thought they would. We talked about the future, it seemed like we were really going to happen, to make it. But some where along the way, I think we both realized that things just shouldn't be that hard. We were dating, long distance which was very difficult, but we were still just dating, and it should have been more fun and less work.

He wants to get back together, he promises that things will be different. But I just don't see how. They've been the same for so long, I don't see what we could possibly do to make it different, better. And, as much as I care for him, I care for myself and my happiness, and I've been stretched to thin for to long. It's time to relax, and enjoy.

The Push And Pull Of Things

2007-01-14T17:09:00.000-08:00

Push, the act of applying force in order to move something away. I can relate with this right now. He pushes constantly. He won’t tell me how he feels about something; he gets quite, gets distant, is less than affectionate, he pushes me away. He says he just can’t do it any more. He disappears; he’s pushed me away, until he starts to pull again.

Pull, the act of pulling; applying force to move something toward or with you. I relate to this right now too. A few days goes by, maybe a week, and there is no contact between
us. I don’t call, don’t e-mail, I get through my days, then he can’t take it any more. He calls, asks why he hasn’t heard from me. He says he doesn’t like things like this, he wants me with him, wants to get back together.

Twice I’ve missed him enough to be pulled back. But this last time I swore to myself this was it, no more chances. Things were said, promised, future plans were made, then the push reappeared. I recognized it immediately, and I decided this time I would be the one to say it, the one to end things. That was almost two weeks ago, and as is routine, he began calling and e-mailing about a week ago. It’s a very difficult thing not to be pulled back in. I know it shouldn’t be this hard, I know we’ve both had a lot of stress in our lives lately. While this is not a good excuse, it’s not been easy for either of us. But right now, I can’t help but ask myself, have I reached the limit of being pushed and pulled? Am I so stretched that I can walk away from someone that I care so much about?

Off The Gaydar

2007-01-10T13:06:00.000-08:00

I love gay men, I do. They are always on the cutting edge of style, they aren't afraid to tell you you look like shit and, "for God's sakes get your roots done". They are almost always super cute, great dancers, excellent cooks, and have amazing homes. They truly are better off than the average single woman.

But, as much as I just adore their style and attitude, I can't understand why the only cute guys giving me attention lately more than likely fit into the above category. While neither of these guys are "out" and trust me, they are old enough to just be who they are, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that they are playing for the other team.

So is my gaydar off? Have I been spending so much time with one guy that I've lost my ability to recognize that the hot, single, wealthy, well dressed, over 35, never married guy with a great body that's flirting with me at the bar is in fact drooling over my TAG Alter Ego watch instead of me? I just don't know any more. All of the straight signs are there, sweet e-mails during the day, late night drunk texts, tickets to sold out events, but then I think maybe I'm just a fun time girl they know they can hang with who may attract a cute boy for them.

I just don’t' know, but I know my gaydar needs a little tweaking. I guess this will come with more time spent out being single and less time spent home being coupled!

Single In 07

2007-01-05T07:39:00.000-08:00

After a lot of thought, and several sleepless nights I decided that even though I care about the FL boy a lot, something's just missing. He spent the weekend with me in LR and it was made even more apparent to me that something just wasn't there that should have been. So at the end of his visit I told him as much, and he didn't blink when I told him I just didn't think this was it for us. His reaction reaffirmed my feelings, and that was it. I took him to the airport, and other than a few vague e-mails from him, I haven't had much contact with him since his plan landed back in Tampa.

So, just like the last three I've spent in LR, I'm starting the new year off single. Right now, I'm not really interested in dating, or for that matter meeting guys. I'm just not in that state of mind right now. I'm tired of dating guys just to date, and looking past the stuff I don't like, just because I know everyone has flaws. I'm tired of compromising and not speaking up. So for 07, I'm going to stop being tired and I'm going to start being me all the time.

A Year In Review And Hopes For 07

2006-12-29T11:24:00.000-08:00

At this time last year I was writing about all of the guys I dated in 05, how crazy they were, how they affected me, how it ended, etc. This year has been a bit different, it's not been as date heavy, it's been more dating heavy.

I started off the year by hitting up the social lifestyle as often as possible. My good friend, formally know as the "hurricane" and I were regulars at the River Market and other hot spots. Then I started seeing a guy I had been wanting to date for months, and things slowed down just a little. He had way to much going on in his life, and I just didn't fit, so after a couple of weeks I was back on the scene with the tornado.

A couple of weeks later I started seeing the C of C guy. He basically wanted to get married and become Catholic for me. He was way into LR society, always attending gala's and fundraisers, but he wanted way to much from me way to fast. So after a couple of weeks that too was over. Funny, that guy is getting married next weekend! Guess he got what he wanted!

Then I sorta bounced around for awhile. The hurricane and I were in full force, wreaking havoc on any guy that crossed our path. We had a lot of fun, made a lot of memories, and ate a lot of MidTown cheeseburgers.

She introduced me to a friend of hers, and for the next several months he occupied my time, my thoughts, basically everything. But, of course, it was fun while it lasted but it wasn't built to last. At this time a lot of things changed for me. I moved out of my cute bungalow (for safety reasons) and moved into an apartment. I wasn't into my wild partying lifestyle the tornado and I had been so good at back in the winter months. I wanted to keep things quite, slow, I wasn't ready to go out and mix things up. My MS Boy entered the picture. Just days after one relationship ended he entered the picture and was such a good friend to me. My feelings towards him changed and we became a couple. For now, we still are. We live over 1000 miles apart, but we take things a step at a time, for now. The hurricane is also in a serious relationship, so our friendship has shifted from vodka tonics and flirting with cute boys to discussing our relationship over the phone because we don't see each other as much as we used to.

It hasn't been a terrible year, but it hasn't been easy. I lost one of my very best friends in October, and I'm still trying to make sense of that. I've never hurt so much for so long for one person, it's been a great loss in my life.

There are so many things I want for this next year. I feel like I've missed out on so many opportunities, and I'm trying very hard to take control of certain situations and do things for myself. So, the year 2007 is going to be about doing things for myself, and getting me where I want to be.

I hope everyone has a very safe and happy New Year! See you all in 07!!!

I'll Be Home For Christmas

2006-12-21T14:07:00.000-08:00

Louie V and I are headed to our small southern home town tomorrow morning. We will spend the next few days relaxing, visiting with family and friends, and hopefully spending some QT with the soon to be FL boyfriend.

I've been a little panicked lately. I think I need to get FL BF one more gift, I just got all of my bills in-yikes I'm going to be poor after Christmas, and on top of all of that I'm fighting strep throat. The FL BF was in Tampa in the hospital this week with it, and I just know my preventive med's won't be enough. I don't want to spend the holiday and my vacation days sick in bed.

I'm also a little stressed about my New Years plans, as we have yet to decide if we will be in FL or LR.

However, it will be nice to see brother chef, he's driving in from the East Coast tonight. I can't wait to help him prep food and catch up. I know mom and dad will be happy to have us both home, we haven't all been together since mid September.

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas, see you next week lovlies!

Moving Back Instead Of Forward

2006-12-18T13:35:00.000-08:00

I spent an extended weekend in Biloxi with the MS Boyfriend. I was so looking forward to it, and while I did have a great time, at the same time, we are both under so much stress that it was hard for us to relax.

My MS Boyfriend is soon to be my FL Boyfriend. And while I've known for several weeks that he might possibly move to Tampa, it happened so fast that I haven't really had time to adjust to the idea. The plan was for me to spend Thursday-Monday with him. Four whole days!!! We've never had that much time all at once, and we were both really excited. I drove there on Thursday, he worked on Friday, we were supposed to meet for lunch. When I didn't hear from him, I just figured he got busy. It turns out he was meeting with the boss, and he was going to have to go to Tampa on Sunday at noon. This cut our trip short, and forced us to make some very big decisions.

We went out to dinner on Saturday night and attempted to figure things out, but we didn't really get any where. When we first talked about Tampa, it was decided that I would stay in my job until May first, then move to FL to be with him. But a lot of things have changed, and I may be staying in LR longer than we thought. We've been moving forward for so long now, that moving back is not something I was prepared for.

He's in Tampa until Wednesday, the moving company shows up Friday to move him, and in a week he'll be on his way to Tampa to stay. Things just happened so fast, I feel like I may have gotten left behind.

Memories Of The Crescent City

2006-12-08T12:20:00.000-08:00

For several years in a row I spent the first full week of December in New Orleans with my mom. I loved those trips. We would usually fly in on a Tuesday and stay until Sunday. We always stayed in a very nice hotel right by the river that had a huge shopping mall attached. By then all of the Christmas decorations were up, and the hotel was beautiful and festive.

Mom and I would walk down Magazine Street and eat at Mystic Pizza. We would walk around the French Quarter and shop in Jackson Square. We would spend countless hours wondering in and out of antique stores, looking for great finds and things we just couldn't live without. I always wanted to look at local art, and mom would always humor me and help me find galleries.

We always stopped at the New Orleans Candy Company for Pralines, and we had Bloody Mary's in the hotel bar. We ate amazing food while we were there; going to Acme Oyster Bar, waiting forever for a table at Mr. B's, stopping by Café Du Mondet for coffee and beignets, and eating at the local places along the quarter. I would have to say that is still my favorite kind of cuisine.

The first year we went I took all of my cute high heals, not realizing that my feet would suffer the more we walked. After two days I couldn't take it anymore. Mom bought me a pair of stylish black leather wedge heel boots. They were cute and comfortable, and they saved my feet during that trip. The next year I took my Wallabies, I was prepared!

I haven't been back since Hurricane Katrina. I hear it's getting better, but it's still not the New Orleans I remember from two years ago, the final year mom and I took our trip. We've talked about going back, but my schedule just hasn't worked out, I don't get as much time off as I'd like. When I do, I try to see the Mississippi Boyfriend.

Spending those weeks with mom in The Crescent City will always be some of my favorite memories. We always had such a good time, and I was always sad when we had to come home. I would go back to school or Little Rock, and mom would drive back to my small southern hometown.

There is just something about that city that has always mesmerized me. I don't know if it's the architecture, the history, the food, or just the vibe, but for some reason I've always been drawn to it. I think that's another reason why I find myself missing our trip so much this year. *Sigh* I miss The Crescent City with my mom.

Partying Like A Grown Up

2006-12-04T14:29:00.000-08:00

Friday for my birthday, I had dinner with three of my best girlfriends. We went to Cheers in the Heights. It's one of my favorite places, and the atmosphere is great for a casual dinner with delicious food. Now back in our party like a rock star days, there would have been no dinner, we would have drank our dinner at the bar. But not this year!

After dinner three of us went out, my other good friend just found out she's going to have a baby, so she took dinner home to her husband and called it a night. It was just like old times, sort of. The three of us went to two of our favorite downtown bars. We drank, talked, laughed, took a shot and lot's of pictures, it was so much fun. But it was so different from our party like a rock star days. None of us talked to any cute boys, we didn't take more than one shot all night, no one lost their purse, wallet, or a shoe, and at the end of the night we all went home alone. Not to say we used to be wild or anything, but we used to really hit it hard when we went out partying. Things are different now. My Mississippi boyfriend couldn't make it into town this weekend, he was working, M's boyfriend was out of town, and E's boyfriend was told to stay home and be our DD when we needed to go home. So he showed up around 1am and took us all home.

Don't get me wrong, I had a blast, I even sat on the piano and let them sing to me. It was wonderful to be out with my girlfriends! But, I wasn't looking at guys, I don't think I even noticed one all night. I knew my Mississippi boyfriend was out with his buddies in Biloxi, and I wasn't the least bit bothered by that. We called each other a couple of times throughout the night, and I talked to him for about an hour when I got home. I didn't let any guys buy me a drink, I didn't get any guys phone numbers, and still I had the best time.

Used to, when the girls went out we would party like a rock star. Is this what it's like to hang up my rock star ways and party like a grown up? Maybe it is, if so, I like being a grown up.

Middle Aged?

2006-12-01T13:04:00.000-08:00

Brother Chef called me today and ask me how it felt, and if it was all down hill from here. The little smart ass was referring to the fact that today is my birthday. He thinks I’m now considered middle age. Apparently he has given me a life expectancy of 52, because today I am 26 years old.

When I was little, 26 was my old age limit. I remember when I was probably 12 or so thinking that by the time I was 26 I was going to be married, drive a white Corvette (just like Barbie) and be married to a doctor who was a lawyer and architect in his spare time. I remember thinking I want to have the first of two kids when I'm 26 because I don't want to be an "old un-cool" mom, and I will probably have a horse and a big white house. Twenty-six seemed like forever from then. But now 26 is here, and I'm not married to a doctor architect lawyer, my white Corvette is a four door car that's seven years old and approaching 100,000 miles. I don't have any children and my big white house is a two bedroom apartment I share with my little Chihuahua. But I couldn't be happier.

At this time last year I was living in a great two bedroom house next door to the sweetest woman, who remains one of my closest friends. I had the same job last year, the same car, and the same dog. But something was missing that's not missing now that I'm twenty six. Now I'm in love, and I'm really happy. I won't be spending my 26th birthday with him, he's working in Mississippi, but I will be out with several of my best girlfriends tonight, and I'm really excited about that.

Just because I've reached my old age limit, doesn't mean I feel old or I have to act old. I'm still young, and I'm very happy!

Thankful Thanksgiving

2006-11-28T14:19:00.000-08:00

Camden's friend spend the entire Thanksgiving break with us. From Wednesday until Sunday, he drank and smoked cigars with my dad, talked with my mom, and aggravated me. He fit right in. Everyone was happy to have him around. He told me about the things that happened, promises that were made, and things that were done. It made me really sad to hear some of the things he told me, it wasn't an easy situation for anyone.

On Thanksgiving Day the friend and I went to Camden's families house for lunch (after lunch with my family). They were all in good spirits, laughing and joking. But you couldn't help but notice the missing link. Although it was a very upbeat lunch, I still caught myself thinking about the fact that it should have been Camden's home coming meal. It made me realize how lucky I was to have my own family dinner with no missing link.

I took the friend out and introduced him to nightlife in a "one bar" town. I also introduced him to my best girlfriend from home, and BFD's (Bad F#$%ing Drinks), the house beverage at our only bar. We took Camden's little sister out with us, she's now 21 and officially legal!!! I think everyone had a really good time, well from what I remember anyway.

I also got to spend some time with the Mississippi Boyfriend. We hadn't seen each other in a couple of weeks, so it was nice to spend time together. I went to his hometown (he actually grew up in Southern Missouri, like myself), and he stayed a night with my parents and I. We had a great visit, I've really missed him. I'll be in Biloxi soon staying with him!!!

Thanksgiving break, while fun, was really difficult for everyone. We all miss Camden so much, and it was really hard because he would have just gotten home that week. This past weekend really put the Thanksgiving Holiday into perspective for me, and made me realize all of the things I am thankful for.

2006-11-14T14:28:00.000-08:00

Dear Friend,

For some reason today, I miss you more than ever. I've felt myself on the verge of tears all day, and trying to hold it together. I had a dream about you last night friend. A dream so vivid and so real that when I woke up I wasn't sure if it was a dream at all. For a little bit I argued my common sense that it had just actually happened.

In my dream friend, you and I sat talking. I held on to your arm with both hands, and we just talked. I told you about how I read your eulogy. You told me things I can't seem to remember now, things about that day. That's the thing about dreams I guess, no matter how real they seem, parts are still a little foggy.

I was so happy to see you friend, in my dream. I hugged you, and smiled and laughed, it was so real. Maybe I miss you so much today because of my dream. Did you put this dream into my sleep last night to tell me something?

I told you in the dream I hadn't forgotten about you, and just because I haven't cried in a couple days doesn't mean I'm forgetting about you. I hope you don't think that could ever happen.

Oh friend I miss you so much. It's going to be a tough Thanksgiving going home and knowing that you are supposed to be there. It's going to make for a tougher Christmas being home without you.

Please visit my dreams whenever you want. If that's the only way I get to talk to you, I'll take it. I miss you dear friend, and I'll love you always.

Love Anne

Giving Oxford A Second Chance

2006-11-08T11:57:00.000-08:00

I'm not big on second chances. That old saying, "Everyone deserves a second chance," yeah, I don't believe that. I think second chances are a good idea, but I don’t think everyone is worthy of a second chance. However, I think the Mississippi Boy and I deserve to try it again, and I think we deserve for it to work out this time.

I'm meeting him in Oxford this weekend, or at least that's the current plan. The last time we spent the weekend together in Oxford it wasn't great, in fact, it wasn't even good. It seemed like we were both trying to hard, or maybe we weren't trying at all, I don't know.

Right after I came back from Oxford we got into a huge argument and I decided that he didn't need to fly to LR to see me. We basically ended things on the phone and that was that. But then of course we started talking again, and he drove to LR two weeks ago. We had a very nice, laid back, no family around weekend. It was just what we needed.

He wanted me to drive to Biloxi this weekend, but due to work restraints, I won't be able to, so we are meeting in Oxford. I'm planning a trip to see him in December, he'll be home for Thanksgiving, and hopefully we'll be together for Christmas and New Years.

I'm not worried about it being weird again this weekend in Oxford, okay that's a lie, I’m a little nervous about it. But, I'm going to give it a second chance, and hope that we deserve it.

Home To Say Goodbye

2006-11-06T12:24:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't posted in a while, there's just been to much sadness in my life to post something happy. Every day I think about my good friend and I miss him. I still don't think it's set in that he's really gone. I went home last week to say goodbye to him. The service was beautiful, all of the soldiers in uniform, and a packed church an hour before things got started, it was very touching.

It was very difficult to go to Camden's house, see his sister, and know that Camden would never physically be there again. All of his high school friends got together the night of his visitation. It was nice to see everyone, we sort of held each other up while we were all together. Everyone was struggling, and we were just there for each other, that's all we knew to do.

The eulogy was read in three parts, with me reading the first part. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But I was honored to get the chance to tell stories from my childhood with Camden. I told things to make people laugh, and draw a clear pictures of the mischievous boy that grew into an honorable man. I kept it together by thinking the entire time, if Camden were doing this for me, he would hold it together for my families sake, so I did, I read what I wrote loud and strong, and I kept my tears in until later.

When we left the church and drove out to the cemetery, the streets were lined with people holding flags. It was the most powerful thing I've ever seen. Small children, senior citizens, JROTC members from the high school, cotton gin workers, teachers, farmers, I saw so many faces I recognized. As we made that two mile drive there must have been at least 1000 people standing out in the freezing weather. I saw homemade signs reading, "You're our hero Camden," and I saw people that I'd never seen before with tears running down their faces. At the cemetery, he was given a full military burial. My tears I'd fought so hard to keep in spilled out when they played Taps. I just couldn't hold it in any longer.

I didn't want to leave Camden that day, and I didn't want to drive all the way back to Little Rock. But I thought if it were him, he'd leave me, and go back to his responsibilities. But I know he'd come visit me every chance he got.

Good Bye My Good Friend, I'll Miss You

2006-10-24T13:51:00.000-07:00

On Sunday a very good friend of mine, Amos Camden Riley Bock passed away. He was killed by an explosion in Iraq. He wasn't just a friend, he was a neighbor, and I always considered him family. Camden and I grew up together. Most of my favorite childhood memories include he and his sister. I'm going to miss him very much.

I know that God has a plan for everyone, and I've always thought that to be true. But, in Camden's situation it's hard to grasp what that plan is going to be. I look at the war, and all of the things I don't understand about it. I wonder if those young men and women (yes, young, much younger than myself) even know why they are fighting now. I saw on the news yesterday a soldier saying that now they are just fighting to protect there comrades, so they can all go home together. How can we leave all of those innocent soldiers over there to just protect themselves until someone decides that we've won the war and it's time to come home. How do we gage when "we've won". Because lets face it, no one will ever say we lost, there is to much at steak. To much money has been spent looking for weapons of mass destruction that obviously don't exist, and to many American's have died. So when is it over? When can the rest of our friends, family, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, and grandparents come home?

The death of Camden has brought a lot of question to my mind. I've never supported the reasons I've been given as to why we went to war in the first place, but I've ALWAYS supported the men and women who went to war.

This week, since finding out about my good friend, I've been touched to see the outpoor of poeple who have said how much they are going to miss Camden too. The guy who recovered Camden e-mailed me. In fact, he's e-mailed me several times, and his attitude and compassion have touched me. How these guys do what they do every day is beyound me. I'm completely in awe of this friend of Camden's and how well he's handled me during this situation. Camden was very lucky to have this guy with him in Iraq. My prayers are with him and the others that Camden left behind.

Good bye my good friend. I will never forget you, you will be in my heart always. I love you, and I'll always miss you.

This Time

2006-10-17T14:27:00.000-07:00

Every time she says to herself, okay this is it this time, no more talking, no more e-mails, this is it, he calls her. She misses him, she does, but she's tired of waiting. She thinks that if he really cared about her like he says he does, if he really wanted her the way he says he does, it wouldn't be so hard.

She knows it bugs him that he won't hear from her for a week, so he has to call her, has to see what's going on in her life. She knows that when she tells him she has a date it gets on his nerves, but she has to tell him this time.

This has happened twice. He's said he can't do it, can't do the distance. She tells him he is giving up to easy, and if that's how he feels then it's not going to work this time. But then he calls again, a few days later, aggravates her, makes her laugh, tells her he hates the idea of her going out with someone else. But now, for her, it's different, this time.

This time she is making the demands. She cares for him, and she hates feeling like she has to play games. So she's telling him what it will take for them to work it out this time. No more waiting around, it's time to make a decision. She knows that if they were closer it would be great, if they spent some real time together, it would be wonderful. But right now that's just not the case, so sacrifices will have to be made, and she's prepared for that. But if he wants her, he's going to have to put in the effort, this time.

Post 150, And A Dream Come True

2006-10-10T14:01:00.000-07:00

I was in complete shock when we pulled into Talladega early on Saturday morning. There were campers, motor homes, Winnebago's, tents, and NASCAR fans as far as the eye could see. It was a mad house. I wasn't prepared for the drive through the tunnel to the infield, I wasn't ready for the feelings that washed over me when I saw the first car hauler, heard the first car flying around the track at 198mph, smelled the burning rubber, and saw the drivers climbing out of their cars. You see, for a small town city girl who has always had a dream of seeing a live NASCAR race, this was that dream coming true. I was like a kid in a candy store, or better yet, I was like me at a shoe sale where all the Manolo Blanc's were free, I was in my own little heaven.

I met all of the guys from Birmingham Budweiser, they had made this weekend for me a reality. They were all so nice, and their families were just great. I started the morning with a Bloody Mary, and I headed towards the garage area, I had to take it all in, I had to be as close to the action as possible. Of course I was not in the typical NASCAR fan attire. I got kicked out of the garage area promptly for wearing a strapless shirt. I had to run back to the camp and pick up a jacket, but it was all worth that long walk back to the car. I had just had a taste of what a lot of fans don't get to see, and I couldn't wait to see more. I walked through the garage area and up and down pit road while the stock car's qualified. They were flying around the track, it was the best sound I'd ever heard. I saw Home Depote driver Tony Stewart and hottie Casey Kahn, point leader Jeff Burton, and former DEI driver Michael Waltrip. It was amazing, I was right there, just feet from them, it was incredible.

Later that afternoon we loaded up and moved to the back stretch to watch the truck races. I, of course, was there to cheer Arkansas native Mark Martin on, and as I predicted he won the race that day. About 50 of us sat in the back stretch, in the grass in our Budweiser chairs sipping Budweiser products shooting the breeze when all of a sudden I saw someone that looked familiar. It wasn't Shooter Jennings (Wayland's son), but it was his bass player. We struck up a conversations, and later my Alabama best friend and I ended up hanging out with Shooter, his girlfriend Drea (Christoper's girlfriend from The Soprano's that got killed off in the last season), Ted the base player, Brian the drummer, and their tour manager. We got in a golf cart, ran all over the place, and ended up in some VIP area so Drea could go to the ladies room. When we walked through security, I was standing about 10 feet from the track, just taking it all in, as the trucks flew by, I heard it, that voice that I've heard so many time. It was Dale Earnhardt Jr., and he was sitting just feet from me. I looked at him, and he looked right at me. I turned and walked away, then turned and looked over my shoulder, he was still looking at me, probably at my "ass"ets, or so I like to pretend!! We got back on the golf cart, went out through the tunnel, and towards the vendors. We walked around the trailers for awhile, looking at merchandise, stopping occasionally so a fan could shake Shooters hand, it was so great. Then we went back to Shooters bus and had a drink before AL friend and I returned to the Budweiser camp area. I told drummer Brian we would all meet up later, and hang out after the concert. But of course when they finally made there way to our camp, we were down on the strip partying with several thousand other NASCAR fans, I didn't want to wait around on them.

The concert was great though! We watched Shooter, then 38 Special, and it was packed full of NASCAR fans there to drink beer and listen to great music. The keyboard player for 38 Special, Bobby Capps, is from DeWitt (where a lot of our group was from) so he hung out with us the entire weekend. After the concert we, by we I mean me and about 20 guys, got in a truck and drove up and down the strip drinking beer and having a good time until about 2:30am.

The next morning I was up at 6. I was so tired, but it was race day, I had been waiting for this for so long, I couldn't sleep any longer. That's when Bobby Capps told me I could go to the drivers meeting with him at 11:30. I couldn't believe, the drivers meeting is closed to the public, and every single driver would be there, all of them. I would get to see them all in one room, I was so excited. While I was standing in the drivers meeting Michael Waltrip was standing just two feet in front of me. Dale Jr. was sitting just three chairs up from me, Mark Martin was five chairs up from me, and I saw Casey Kahn, Jimmy Johnson, all of them, every driver, it was incredible. When the meeting was over every driver walked right past me. I could hardly wait for the race to start!

When I got back to camp we loaded up our stuff and got ready to head to the track. We had a truck set up right behind pit road with a huge rack on it that was raised, and eight feet off of each side so we could set up there during the race. Below the rack a buffet was set up with beer and BBQ, free cooler cups, Budweiser beads, hats, t-shirts, everything you could imagine. I sat in the very front, basically resting my feet on the fence right behind pit road. I could see it all, the golf carts driving past before the race started taking the drivers to their cars. I could see the pit crews getting everything ready, making last minute preparations, I could see the fans across the track getting ready for the race, it was like nothing I could have imagined. When the race started, and the first pack came flying past me I was standing on my feet waiting to feel the air pressure change, waiting to hear the cars as they screamed by, waiting to small the exhaust, just waiting to take it all in, every detail, and I wasn't disappointed.

I sat in my chair, sipping my Bud Light, counting every lap that ticked by, not wanting the race to end. I cheered every time Dale Jr. took the lead, and booed every time Jeff Gordon stole it from him. I took pictures, I tried to remember every little detail, but mostly I was just amazed, finally, it was coming true for me, and it was like nothing I could have ever dreamed up, the entire experience couldn't have been any better. Unfortunately we had to leave before the race was over. If we left early we had a police escort out of the track and we would avoid about six hours of traffic. I didn't want to leave, I could have stayed there forever, but it wasn't my call, so I took one last look, and walked back to the car. I turned the race on, and stayed glued to the radio as the last 15 laps played out.

Even now, I can't believe how much I got to do this past weekend. I can't believe the drivers I saw, the things I experienced, or that finally I got to go to Talladega. It was the absolute best weekend I can ever remember, and one I know I won't ever forget. I'm still amazed at it all. For a small town city girl who loves to watch NASCAR, cheer on her favorite driver, and cuss the tv when he gets wrecked, this weekend was like nothing else. For a small town city girl who knows the stats, knows the tracks, knows the history of the drivers, the teams, and loves every minute of it, this weekend was incredible. For a small town city girl, this weekend, one of her dreams came true.

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines

2006-10-05T13:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like my life is a race to the finish line. I always have certain days I'm looking toward, certain things I'm looking forward to, and sometimes I think I wish my days away.

I'm looking forward to the MS Boy visiting at the end of the month. We've talked, and we think we need some "we" time. So he will be driving in on the 20th. I've had a lot of time to think about how I feel about us, and I've decided that the distance is terrible, but it's reality. I think after a weekend together with no friends around, no family, and no set plans, just he and I, we will know if it's worth it.

I'm looking forward to next weekend when I go to Fayetteville to celebrate the birthday of my best Fayetteville guy friend. He and I have been friends for a long time, and we hang out whenever he comes to LR. I don't get to Fayetteville much, but I'm always around for his birthday. We are going to the Arkansas game, I'm going to throw him a party with a BBQ and lot's of friends, it should be a great weekend!

I'm also really looking forward to this weekend. I'm going to Talladega for my first ever NASCAR Race! I've had tickets more times than I can count, but I've never gotten to go for one reason or another. I'm meeting my best old time friend who now lives in AL with her sweetie, and we are going to be on the infield at the race all weekend. Shooter Jennings and 38 Special are playing on the infield on Saturday night, and we'll be there to see it! We will get to walk around in the garages and see the cars (and hottie drivers), we'll get to walk in the pits, it's going to be amazing. I'm a big fan, so I'm really looking forward to the race. And you never know, my next fabulous disaster could be with a NASCAR driver (But I won't hold my breath on that!)!

So my lovelies, I'll be back next week. Don't be surprised if I'm married and my new name is something like Mrs. NASCAR Superstar!!!

Politely Said But Not Meant

2006-09-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

I know people say things they don't mean. I say excuse me as I push through a crowded hall with my arms full of stuff, and what I really want to say is, "I'm in a hurry, and I'm carrying this heavy stuff, get the hell out of the way." But I don't, that's not the polite thing to do. But lately I've wondered, when is it not polite to say things you don't really mean? When do you cross the line, when do feelings get hurt, when do you know when the person you say it to thinks your completely full of shit, and not being meaningful?

He says to her, "Don't give up on us, I don't want you to give up on us."
What she hears is, I can tell you are starting to lose interest, and I want to keep you around just in case I decide this is what I want.

Hey says to her, "I did just get out of a serious relationship, but I've already had a rebound, let me take you out sometime."
What she hears is, I want in your pants.

He says to her, "I'm just not feeling it."
What she hears is, I miss my ex, and I really think I've got to try to get her back.

He says to her, "You are so sweet and beautiful, but you aren't a girly girl at all, I like that."
What she hears is, I've got to play this just right, she's independent and I think she will fall for this non-girly girl crap.

He says to her, "I don't want any competition, just me and you."
What she hears is, I'm to lazy to show you I care, so I'm just going to make you understand that I'm not going to put in the effort.

She politely listens to it all, everything they say, but she hears the truth in it. She knows when it's not meant.

An Empty Bench

2006-09-27T13:17:00.000-07:00

There are no players in Ann's game right now. That's right, the bench is empty. The clock has reset, and I'm looking for a new starting five, I'm kidding I know that sounds terrible.

But seriously, in the past, I've quite dating all my little "flings" that were only around to keep me occupied (wow that sounds terrible also). This time, I think I sort of self destructed. For some reason or another I've found myself single with no one even remotely tickling my fancy. There aren't even any real prospects for my next fabulous disaster. Not that I really mind it, I'd rather wait for Mr. Right then go out with Mr. Wrong, but it is a little boring.

So, while I'm waiting for my new starting five to appear I'm going to do what any small town southern girl who grew up playing basketball with the boys would do, redesign this years uniforms, run a few line drills to keep me in shape, and maybe rethink the criteria for making "Ann's Starting Five".

The Event Of The Season

2006-09-26T14:17:00.000-07:00

I went home for my dad's "Surprise Almost 50" birthday party this past weekend. It was wild! My mom and I had planned every last detail. To the black plates, napkins, and forks, the band, the cake, and tons of food, to the black cooler cups for party favors. We just knew it was going to be the event of the season, and we were right.

After a lot of sneaky work by some family members we got dad out of the way so we could get the "main event" set up. A buddy of his took him for what I can only assume was a mini booze cruise because dad was a little tipsy when he finally got home at 7pm.

The party started at 7 with dad arriving at around 7:45pm. We flew in brother chef (that was the big surprise), and several family members came from out of town. When I arrived at the event there were close to 150 people already in attendance. Dad showed up about an hour later. He was shocked, he had absolutely no idea. We sent out close to 300 invitations, and still no one told him, I couldn't believe we got him.

Once brother chef showed up, the party really got started. I think dad was amazed at the people there, and the fact that his only son flew all the way from the East Coast. He was almost in tears as he looked around at the crowd. (and my dad is not a crier)

We drank, ate, danced, and drank some more. It was raining cats and dogs outside. The electricity went out, and there was a hell of a lightning show. When the lights went out at 11:30, we kept on drinking and having a good time. There was no reason to drive home in that weather.

It was one of the best parties to hit my small southern home town in a long time. It was definitely the "event of the season".

Happy Birthday Baby!

2006-09-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

It's been a year, that's right, a whole year since my first post. I can't believe it 's been that long. It seems like just yesterday I wrote that I WANT, WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT IT, by the way, I haven't changed my mind about that. I've been thinking about what turns my life has taken in the past year. What has made me smile, what has make me cry, what has made me, me.

One year ago I had just moved back to Central Arkansas from North Carolina. I had just taken a job, moved into a cute, and later to be broken into house, met a new neighbor, and started my old-new life back in Little Rock. I bought a dog, named him after expensive luggage, and he and I began getting to know each other and our new home. My neighbor and I shared several nights on our back steps with our little dogs, a cold drink, and an occasional smoke. I was content to stay home most every night with Louie V and a good movie.

Then the weather turned colder, I met a few boys that helped to change my mind about staying home so much, and I met a new good friend. I started going out more, went to my first Hogs game, and realized my appreciation for a good Vodka Tonic. The celebration of the new year left me a little disappointed as I realized that I wasn't any different than I had been the year before. Still dating all the wrong guys, still working in basically the same job for the same amount of money, no major vacations to look forward to, and still weighing a few pounds more than what I wanted to. But I also realized I was healthy and fairly happy, it could have been much worse.

As I snuggled in for a cold winter, I met a guy who warmed me up a little. Actually he was a long time crush that finally took notice and ask me out. It was short lived though as he had a million and one things going on in his life, and there just wasn't room for me. I moved on, a little upset by the ordeal, but I knew that it was for the best. He had a long road to travel, and he didn't need me tagging along.

The weather started to warm up, and my best friend from home became a father. This made our lives very different. We are definitely not as close as we used to be, but we are growing up, it can't always be beer and back roads when I come home.

Then I met the guy that would change some things, well for a couple of months before he hit the road. He was fun while he lasted, but it was never meant to be. So I went back to me and Louie V. I moved into a new, safer apartment as my house continued to get vandalized on an almost daily basis, my best neighbor moved to another town, and I was almost starting all over again. I got back into the habit of taking care of myself, and not a boyfriend. I got used to my own schedule again, and I lost those few pounds I'd been trying to get rid of.

The last relationship had left me a little shaky, but an old acquaintance came along and smoothed me out. He was sweet, thoughtful, and treated me exactly the way I wanted to be treated. After an amazing weekend on the coast with him, I never considered looking back. I knew that things would be difficult, but I wanted to try. I knew the distance would be hard, but to me it was worth it. Then, just a few hours before he was supposed to fly out to see me in LR, we ended it. It was just to hard, to difficult, and to much work. That was a few days ago.

Looking back, I can't see that I've really changed that much since this time last year. I still have most of the same friends, throw in a few new ones. I'm still happy, healthy, and Louie V is full grown (minus his package that was taken from him at 6 months old). I still love sexy jeans and pointed toed high heals. I still love funky jewelry and not to much makeup I still love to slow dance in my living room with someone special, and I still love to run and work out most every day.

So here's to another year of not to many changes. Happy Birthday Baby!

Benched

2006-09-18T12:52:00.000-07:00

It turns out that after all of my worrying, and wondering about how the game would play out this past weekend, he wouldn't even make it to the court. Thursday night we decided, (by we I mean me and a few glasses of wine) that it would be better if he spent the weekend in Mississippi. After talking to the MS Boy, it was pretty obvious that this was going to be more of a good bye weekend instead of a "lets work on us weekend". So I told him to stay in MS, and that if he did come to LR I wouldn’t be there to meet him at the airport.

Harsh words coming from such a sweet southern girl, but my feelings were hurt, and I felt like he had wasted my time. So, instead of hoping for a three point shot at the buzzer, I benched him. I felt a little regretful on Friday, especially when he kept text messaging me asking me what I was doing and telling me he wished he was in LR with me. But on Saturday I went to Jonesboro, my old college stomping ground. I haven't been back since I graduated several years ago. It was great, just what I needed to take my mind of things and put be back in the game.

MS Boy called me last night, and we talked like we used to, it was great. But after the conversation ended I was left feeling a little hallowed by it. Does he just want to be my friend, a friend that used to talk like a guy that used to like me more as a friend? Does he want to keep me around on a string? Or does he think that one day maybe he will get off the bench and back into the game? I just don't know.

She Shoots, She-Bricks?

2006-09-14T11:38:00.000-07:00

I've been wondering a lot lately about dating and basketball. When is it okay to rebound date, and when do you line up, and shoot to score. As I've recently gotten out of a relationship, I was faced with a full court press by another guy. He said and did everything right. After a month of talking on the phone every day, I flew out to Biloxi to see him. We had a great time, he reminded me of how I wanted to be treated. I hadn't been treated with that much respect in a long time.

But then I wondered, will this be a rebound? I was fresh out of a relationship. I didn't want it to be just a rebound, I've know the guy forever, and player he is not. So the weekend was a true test to me as to rather or not there would be feelings there when I left to come home. The feelings were there, but I still wasn't completely convinced that it wasn't sun, beach, and cute boy induced feelings. I needed to be sure.

Then I decided to just go for it, I closed my eyes and threw a Hail Mary shot. I went to Oxford a couple of weeks later to see him and hang out with his family. And something happened, it wasn't the same. I wondered if it was the lack of sand or sun, or the fact that my sweet affectionate MS Boy wasn't like I remembered when I'd first gone to visit him. The feelings just weren't there, and that's when I think I realized that the ball is still in the air, in my court mind you. He will be in LR to see me this weekend, and I'm waiting to see if the ball will bounce off the glass at the buzzer, or if it will hit nothing but net!

Monogamous Monopoly

2006-08-31T11:55:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about monogamous relationships. Just when I was starting to think I didn't want to be in any type of monogamous anything, along came a long distance relationship. It's not easy, we only see each other every two weeks. I know it could be much worse, but I'm not used to not seeing the person I'm interested in, it takes some getting used to.

So, how do you decide if a relationship is monogamous worthy? I've decided it's a lot like monopoly. Obviously when you start dating someone you look at the characteristics he or she wants you to see. Personality, looks, grooming, attitude, job, etc. are always the first things noticed.

I've decided I don't want to date a Baltic Avenue, while he maybe cute, and close to home, he's cheap, and when that new wears off, he's not going to be that great anymore.

I could settle for a Saint Charles Place, he's a bit of a bad guy (close to the jail), and of the medium price range. But why would I settle for that when I could have dinner with Mr. New York Avenue? He knows how to treat a lady, and he's got his finger on the free parking!

I've dated the Marvin Gardens, and while they look sweet and innocent, they are a jail term waiting to happen. Of course Board Walk is what most girls would like to have. Mr. BW is never afraid to jump on GO, he has lots of money to throw around, and he's pretty desired by other realtors (i.e. women). But that's just not me.

I'm more of a middle of the road type of girl, I like the well rounded guy. The guy that can get his hands dirty during the day, but clean up and look fantastic at night. Give me Pennsylvania Avenue any day. He's close to home, but not too close, he's not afraid to travel (he is close to the Railroad), he's grounded, stable, just the right mix.

Monopoly has always been one of my favorite games, and when it comes to dating I think it's important for a girl to move around the board a few times, see what she likes before she finds herself in a monogamous relationship!

What's In A Name

2006-08-30T13:03:00.000-07:00

She thought about it, considered it, and decided that yes, it was time. She knew that eventually she might decide to make this change, alter this part of her life. But, it was her life, and she felt that it was something she just had to do.

She considered several options, she was always happy with the name, but she thought she might like something else, something new. She had thought of several other options, had heard several other names, but this change was something major, her new name had to be just right.

She knew she would miss her old name, but this was something she wanted to do. She had grown somehow, and this name just didn't seem to fit the new grown up girl she had become.
She would do it, she would change her name. Of her blog! While this is still her life, she thinks it's time for a change. Besides, she is a Small Town City Girl!

A Giant Leap

2006-08-28T10:31:00.000-07:00

A lot of were defined for her this weekend. She was faced with seeing her ex again. She's seen him around, but not in a social setting. It was not at all how she thought it might be, and she couldn't have been happier about it.

She talked to him, was nice to him, but something was gone. The spark that she always felt when she was around him in the past, it wasn't there. He didn't even look attractive to her anymore. In fact, he seemed sorta sad, she felt sorry for him. Granted she knew he wasn't sad because of her, but she knew why. And even though she wanted to think that he finally had someone treat him like he had treated her, he just looked so unlike his old self, that all she could do was pity him.

She was faced with the decision to go home alone to her sweet Louie V, or home with him. And even though she did miss that part of their relationship, she just wasn't interested. All she could think about was her Mississippi Boy, and how she would be with him the next weekend. She didn't want to do anything to jeopardize the happiness she had found with him, and she knew that her ex was no longer worthy of that part of her.

So she went home and called her Mississippi Boy. She snuggled up with her dog, and she smiled right before she went to sleep. She had been taking baby steps for a while now, and tonight she took a giant leap out of her past and into her future.

The Distance Between

2006-08-24T14:32:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about distance. Hours, miles, emotional distance, how much is too much distance. It seems like lately there is so much distance between the people that mean the most to me.

Brother Chef lives in North Carolina, I rarely get to see him. We are both so caught up in our own lives we don't talk near as much as we should. Don't get me wrong, I love him and I would do anything for him, but the distance makes it hard to be as close as I would like.

My very best friend lives north of our small southern hometown. I used to see her about once a month, but I never go home anymore, so I never see her. We talk, but I haven't seen her since March. That's the longest I've ever gone without seeing her. There is just to much distance between us right now.

I recently moved, and when I did my best friend neighbor moved also. She moved to another town, so there are now about 30 miles between our houses instead of 15 feet. I used to sit out back with her in the evening and have a drink. We would talk about our day, and usually about my most recent crush. I got to see her this week, but it's not the same, the distance has changed things.

Things have changed with my best LR friend too. We still live close, but emotionally things are distant. We are working to make the space not so far apart, but it's not easy. I don’t know if we are the same people we were months ago, and that makes me wonder if maybe I've just changed that much, come so far, that it will be hard to go back.

There is definitely distance between me and the MS Boy. So far, it's not an issue. Nine hours is not as bad as I thought. We will see how I fill about that in say a month, or a few, but for now, it's not bad. I don't know what it's like to see him all the time, so I don't really have anything to compare it to. But the distance is reality when I have to catch a flight to see him, instead of just jumping in the car and driving right over.

Sometimes I just wonder how much distance is to much, and when do you know to pull closer to those you care the most about before they are so far away you can't get them back?

Never Will Accommodate

2006-08-23T13:10:00.000-07:00

That's right, NWA, better known as Northeast Airline. I flew them this weekend on my way to and from Mississippi, and let me tell you it was horrible.

First my flight was delayed for two hours in Memphis. We boarded the plane and sat there forever. Then the air conditioner quit working, then we taxied out on the runway only to be sent back to the gate due to electrical problems. Then we sat some more in the heat of the cabin only to de-board, run around the airport until they finally found a plane for us, and board again. Then there were no drinks, but they did give us a voucher for a free drink up to $10 on an international flight that we must use in the next six months. Seriously, it was ridiculous. The best thing I can say is, at least we got to Gulf Port that night (at 11:30pm) in one piece.

On Monday when I began my trip home, same story, different day. A five and a half hour delay in Memphis on the way back to Little Rock. This time, you guessed it, electrical problems on the plane-again. Only this time the staff was rude and disrespectful. We sat on the plane for an hour and a half while they tried to "work out the problem". Then we de-boarded, went to three different gates before they found a plane that could take some of us to Little Rock. The others would be left behind and would get to fly out the next day at 11:55am. Then they told us the flight was canceled all together. By this time it was 5:00pm and we were supposed to be back in LR at 3:15pm. Then the mean, hateful crew said that we would be flying, but that some of the first class passengers would be bumped. Bumped they were, back to coach so that another NWA crew could sit in their first class seats back to LR. Did they receive anything for this downgrade, a voucher of some sort? No, they did not, and neither did those of us who finally got to LR five and a half hours late.

So, while I’m happy I made it to and from Mississippi in once piece, you can understand why I am not a fan of NWA, now known to me as Never Will Accommodate!

I Heart Mississippi

2006-08-22T10:36:00.000-07:00

It was nothing like what I thought it would be, and exactly the way I wanted it to be. There was nothing strange or uncomfortable about it, it was just perfect. From the moment I finally arrived in Biloxi (more on that later) until the time he took be back to the airport, it couldn't have been any better. Well except for him being sea sick the entire time we went deep sea fishing, poor thing.

We drank wine, had lovely meals, and great conversation. We laughed, we aggravated each other, we walked on the beach and picked up shells. We sat out on his back porch and talked about future weekends, future trips, and if there was a future there.

We spent 12 hours on the ocean fishing (I fished, he tried not to throw up). I caught a few Red Snapper and some other stuff. I didn't catch anything huge or exciting, but I didn't care. I was amazed by the dolphins we saw, the smell of the ocean, the huge waves, the hermit crabs on the island we went to. It was just so beautiful. I completely fell in love with it.

We drove around Biloxi and he showed me all of the devastation from the hurricane that hit almost a year ago. I just couldn't believe how bad things still are. There are blocks upon blocks of land with nothing left but a pile of ruble or a concrete slab that used to be a home. There are still FEMA trailers all over the place. It's so sad to think that people have been living in those conditions for so long. It made me want to move down there and try to help.

I loved Biloxi, and I can't wait to go back. I loved spending time with him, and meeting his friends and some of his family. I will see my MS Boy in a few weeks in Oxford, but until then I have great memories of the short time I spent with him this past weekend, and the fun I had. I miss it already.

She Is

2006-08-18T08:59:00.000-07:00

She is the person who has been my friend ever since I can remember.
She is the person who used to have sleep overs almost every weekend.
She is the person who still sleeps over at my house when I get to come home for a weekend.
She is the person who was so popular in grade school and high school.
She is the person that everyone loves to be around.

She is the person I've always known I can count on.
She is the person who always takes off work to come home to our small southern town when I'm home for a weekend.
She is the person that is so sensitive to everyone's needs
She is the person who is a rock, the one who rarely breaks.
She is the person that has had to endure a lot of lose in her 26 years.

She is the person who is working to make her life exactly the way she wants it.
She is the person who deserves the best of everything because she gives everything she has to others.
She is the person that gives her all just to be let down by others.
She is the person that I will always be able to call my best friend.
She is the person that I love dearly.

She has been in my thoughts lately. I worry about her and I want her to be happy always. So my best friend, remember how much you mean to me and those who call you daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, and friend. I love you dearly.

Biloxi Bound

2006-08-16T13:34:00.000-07:00

I'm flying to Biloxi on Friday to visit a friend. Actually I don't know if friend is the correct word to use. This "MS Boy" as we will call him and I have known each other for almost ten years. He used to play baseball with an ex of mine. Anyway, the MS Boy grew up close to my hometown, and as funny as it may sound, I had quite the little crush on him when I was in high school and early college.

We got reacquainted several months ago, and then I started dating someone and he sorta phased out. At the time I though we where like long lost friends getting in touch again, but now, looking back, I wonder if maybe there was something else there. He and I started talking almost immediately after I became single again. I was a little worried because I didn't want him to be a rebound. But it's not been like that at all.

So, I bought a plan ticket almost three weeks ago. I'm staying for three nights, and I can't wait! We have talked to him on the phone for at least a couple of hours a day, and during this time I've gotten to know him again, better than I did before.

I've been a little nervous about it. I've wondered does he just want to be friends, or does he want something more? What will the distance do if he wants to be more than friends? Of course I've thought way ahead on this, I'm a planner I can't help it. But all of these questions were pretty much answered one drunken night not long ago. So, I'm feeling a bit more relaxed about the weekend. And I can't wait to go to the beach!

So my lovelies, I'm taking the rest of my vacation time this week. I'll be back next week with stories about the ocean, the beach, adult beverages, and a MS boy!

A Lighter Shade of Rose Colored

2006-08-15T10:57:00.000-07:00

At what point do the rose colored glasses come off? At what point to you see someone for who they really are, and not how they want to be perceived? I wonder about these things, especially now as I've come to realize that things aren't even close to how I thought they were.

In the beginning things were great, on the surface everything was lovely. Then some of that pink started to fade. Maybe we fought to much, maybe I realized that they were not the people I thought them to be. Maybe I got tired of the constant demands, the rude behavior, the attitude. Maybe those things were there all along, but I was so blinded by my rose colored glasses that I never really saw them. For that matter I never really saw myself.

The glasses are gone though, and I see a lot of things for the first time. And even though I'm happy I see things more clearly, I also miss the days when I didn't see the truth, things were a lot easier.

I'm On Ba-Rake

2006-08-14T13:06:00.000-07:00

I thought it would be a good idea to hit up the local Wal Mart as late as possible. It was less than a week until Christmas, and I had a feeling the place was going to be a mad house. I got there at 9:30pm, and I was right, it was a zoo. I finally got everything on my list and went to join one of the check out lines that were at least 20 carts deep.

There was a very nice dressed lady in line in front of me. She must have had $500 dollars worth of groceries in her cart. When it was finally her turn she piled all of her items on the conveyer belt. By this time her ice cream was starting to melt, she was getting a little flustered. I had been standing in line for almost 45 minutes, I'm sure she had been there much longer. So she diligently stacked every item up, her entire cart was empty. The lady had some serious stacking stills, as her items stood stacked over three feet. That's when it happened, the most terrible Christmas spirit I could imagine. The checked looked at the lady, looked and her neatly stacked groceries, with ice cream dripping out of it's box, looked back at the lady and said, "I'm on BA-RAKE."

Then the checker turned and walked away. I was shocked, the lady in front of me was in tears. It was terrible, there is no BA-RAKE at the Wal Mart. My guess is the checker was overworked and lost her cool. I found another line, and managed to get out of there by midnight. When I walked back by the line I had been in the lady was still standing there, her items neatly stacked, her ice cream melting, with tears in her eyes. I told the manager and someone finally went over to help her. It was just so sad.

I've been on a BA-RAKE of sorts lately. I haven't made anyone cry, and no ice cream has melted because of it, but I've needed some me time. I've just sort of laid low and relaxed. I've gotten back into a me routine, and it's been nice. I had a good visit with Brother Chef in NC, and I'm getting ready for my next adventure this weekend as I fly to MS to see the MS Boy. However, my BA-RAKE is almost over, and it's been nice while it lasted!

If Just For A Few Days

2006-08-04T12:51:00.000-07:00

She feels like she's lost so much. But, at the same time she knows these losses, in the long run, will prove to be the best thing for her. She remembers when she was happy and it seems like so long ago, now it seems like it was someone else's life, and she was just looking in on it for a little while.

Her reality now is a few days of rest and relaxation in a city she hasn't been to in quite some time. She knows that this break, while short, will give her time to regain her perspective. She just wants to forget all the hurt and focus on herself, it's just so hard to do that when it's continuously thrown back at her.

She's going to visit with her family, lay by the pool, do some much needed shopping, and have a few cold adult beverages. She's going to be happy, she's going to be with people that love her.

She knows she is going to be so much stronger for this, it's just going to take a while. For now, she's getting by, and looking forward to getting away, if just for a few days.

So my lovelies, she'll be gone for a few days, but she'll be back, a little tanner, and hopefully a little stronger.

It Will Drive You Mad

2006-08-02T13:52:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite movies of all time is Moulin Rouge. I love the story of the boy who loves the Corazon and can't have her. The music, the costumes, the entire production captivates me every time.

There is one scene in particular where the Moulin Rouge dancers are playing out a scene for the boy, to the music of Sting's Roxanne. They tell the boy that jealousy will drive him mad. This scene is so powerful. You can see his anger, his emotion, and in the end his heartache for what he can't control. The dancers are right all along of course.

I don't know why this reminds me of my life right now. While I'm not a poor, bohemian writer who's in love with a prostitute, I relate for some reason. I'm not jealous of what I don't have, in fact I know I don't need it. I guess the thing that's bothering me is that everyone else seems to think my personal life if their business. And the thing is, the people that are supposed to be the supportive "friends" make me feel worse about myself.

I hoped things would get easier and I would feel better sooner, rather than later. But it's just to hard to forget about everything when I have people in my life that keep reminding me. Keep bringing it up, and keep rubbing it in my face. These people are supposed to be the people that care the most about me, but I have to say, lately acquaintances have been more supportive than the people I've called friends for so long.

So, maybe jealousy over some male prostitute won't drive me mad, but seeing how easy it is for people who supposedly love, to hurt me just might.

Flying Out Of The Woodwork

2006-07-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

It's funny how every time I become newly single guys just fly out of the woodwork at me. Some of them I have to duck and hide from, others are past ex's that think they just might have another chance (I don't think so buddy), and then you have the one's that you never expected. You didn't seem them coming.

The woodwork is literally exploding right now! It's great!!! Most of the guys are so surprised that I'm single that we have to go through the whole why did you and frog (oh that's what I'll call him now, thanks for the idea from a comment) break up, blah, blah, blah. Then I go into the whole, he's a good guy just not the good guy from me spill. But, for the most part, it's a good feeling to know that my friends and these woodwork guys care enough to ask.

So, I'm planning the rest of my summer. No more looking back, instead I'm looking forward to my future trip to Mississippi to see an old friend, and hottie guy may I add. I'm looking forward to visiting brother chef in the next couple of weeks, and I’m looking forward to going out tonight with some of my best friends to hear one of my favorite bands. And of course there is the big river trip tomorrow. Frog says he will be there, but I'm not to worried about it. There will be plenty of princes there to occupy my time!

So Oak, Cherry, Walnut, Pecan, Cedar, lets go boys, keep flying out of the wood work, Anne's ready for some new excitement in her life!!!

Baby Steps

2006-07-27T12:25:00.000-07:00

She likes to think she takes baby steps when approaching a new situation. She's not one to make a rash decision and jump into something, but she's also not one to stand against the wall and watch everyone else dance through life. She likes to take steps, but little ones. Baby steps as she likes to call them.

Everyday things get a little easier for her. She's becoming more comfortable in her new surroundings, and looking forward to making her new house more of a home. She's starting a new routine of sorts. She is focused on her and her dog, and no one else really.

Her breath still catches when she sees a picture of him or them. She still wants to know what his e-mail will say, even though she tries hard not to. She knows this is for the best, but she can't help but miss him. She hasn't cried in almost a week, but she sure does want to. However, she's going to do her best to hold it in, she's afraid she may take a few baby steps back if she allows herself to cry.

She wishes she could run full speed into her future and away from this past that is still nipping at her heals. But right now all she can manage is a baby step or two. Right now that's all the strength she has.

Home Sweet Apartment Home

2006-07-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

Well I got all moved over the weekend. I left my cute bungalow style home for a simple two bedroom one bath apartment. It does boast a fireplace though, and a shower head with the best water pressure I've ever felt, it's fantastic. I'm tucked into a little nook of the complex, I like that, I feel like I have some privacy, and it also means I don't have to be to strict with Louie V and the leash law!

My mom, or super mom as she is now known, showed up on Thursday. She worked her fingers to the bone until late Sunday evening. We moved, organized, cleaned, reorganized, sorted, decorated, purchased, and at some point we slept, just a little. The place looks like I've lived there for a year. It's so charming and homey.

I'll miss my bungalow with the hardwood floors and the private parking, but I've traded it in for a safe haven. A place where my underwear won't get stolen, my shoes will be right where I left them, and Louie V won't have to worry about strangers coming in during the day.

Oh, did I mention I spotted some hottie guys yesterday in the complex??

Bent But Definitely Not Broken

2006-07-24T14:29:00.000-07:00

She struggled through the week. She knew she needed to get all of her stuff back from him, and she just didn’t know if she could hold it together to see him. She wanted to stay strong. She kept telling herself that she wouldn't have to put up with his crap, no more ex girlfriend, no more paying for things that he should have paid for, no more drama. She believed herself too, but she still didn't think she could see him. See him not with her.

When the day finally came, he was cold and cruel. He glided into her house with a smirk on his face that she almost couldn't bare to see. He told her she was being bitter and mean, when she was only trying to be strong. This only brought on her well hid tears. She ask him if that was what he wanted, did he need to see her cry, did it make him feel good to see her so upset? He told her he could never see himself married to her, she had to laugh at that, it had only been a few months, marriage was not in the equation for her. But it was a little stab to hear him say it just the same. She told him she would never want to marry someone that made some of the choices he did, but that she cared enough about him to overlook it and move on. After he left she lost it, she couldn't help it, it was just to surreal for her.

A few days later something happened. She heard that he had done exactly what she thought he would. She knew all along he wasn't over the ex, but she couldn't understand why. But then it hit her, everything did, when she heard they story about he and his ex that night, something in her straightened. She realized that it was passing, just as she knew it would. She just didn't expect it to happen so soon. All of a sudden she was repulsed by him, all of a sudden she was looking forward to meeting new guys, having first dates, getting her life back and not being part of his. All of a sudden she realized, she wasn't broken, he wasn't a good enough person to break her. She was bent, but she's since seen the reality of him and the situation, and she's straightened and is looking forward to her future instead of looking back at their past.

The Long Rebound, Things Will Be Better

2006-07-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

It started off innocently enough. She met him, they flirted, they had some drinks. He told her he was newly single, she was excited to hear that news. They hung out late into the night, they made out for what seemed like hours. They were both pretty intoxicated, details would later be a bit hazy, but they kept things G-Rated. They both remembered that much. It took him almost a week to call her, she was disappointed, and not very nice to him on the phone, she thought he was a bit of a player. She ran into him a week later, he was so cute, her disappointment was forgotten. They started spending a lot of time with each other after that. Things were great!

They were together constantly. It didn't take long for their friends to group them as a couple, she couldn't have been happier. She met his family, she liked them instantly. She cooked him dinner, he would slow dance in the living room with her after dessert. She learned how to drive the boat when they went fishing, he always snuggled her when they went to sleep at night. She would call him while he was at work just to hear his voice, he would surprise her with small thoughtful gifts. They had so much in common, they had so much fun together. They kissed all the time and they were so affectionate towards each other. Things were great!

They had their bad times though. She got her feelings her for the first time, he thought it would be better for her not to attend a party his ex would be at. They talked it through, and she felt better. He kept the ex's dog one weekend, she again felt like the ex was more of a priority than her feelings. They fought over this, they basically decided to agree to disagree, he kept the dog, and she tried her best to be positive about the situation. She just knew things would be better after the weekend when the dog was back with the ex.

Not long after that they went to her home town, he met her friends and family, they liked him instantly. They disagreed about when they should go back to the town where they lived. He wanted to go back early, play golf. She wanted to stay and visit with her family and see her best friends new baby. In the end they went back later, but she didn't see the baby, and she was angry about that. But she kept her cool, and went on with the rest of the weekend. She just knew the next day things would be better, they were going out on the river, her favorite thing to do.

They fought about money, or rather a lack of money. She was becoming financially drained cooking dinner all the time and buying drinks. She cared about him a lot, and she didn't want to have this conversation with him, but he persisted until she told him. He blew up, they both did. It was horrible. She cried and he yelled at her. He said it was over, the next day they decided to work it out. It meant so much to her, she didn't want to end things over a fight about money. She just knew that this was a major turning point, and things would be better.

A week later he kept the ex's dog again, and canceled plans with her on a Friday night. She was so upset. Her feelings were on her sleeve and he knew it. She cooked a beautiful dinner and he didn't come over to eat with her. She just thought he needed some time to himself, she just knew the next day things would be better. She went out with her friends that night, she knew if she stayed home she would just get angry with him for skipping out on their plans.

They went to two weddings the next night, alone. She was a little surprised he hadn't invited her to go with him, she thought it would be nice for them to attend both. But she kept her mouth shut and went with her girlfriends. He joined her later at the reception, but something was off. She acted happy and excited to see him, but he was different, he acted different, she did what made him happy and she just knew things would be better the next day.

She was right, things seemed much better after that. They went to yet another wedding shower and had a great time. He still seemed a little distant, but she just figured he had a lot going on, and she didn't worry. She cooked a huge dinner for him and his roomies. They all loved it, he went on and on about how good it was. She thought things were finally better, she was happy again. She cared about him so much. His moms birthday was coming up, they were going to have dinner with his family. She was so excited, she went and bought his mom a gift. She met him at the gym and they worked out together. They met at her place, she was going to get her stuff ready to go to his parents house.

He said he needed to talk to her, he said it was bad. She was instantly worried that something had happened. She sat down beside him and looked him in the eye, he said again that it was bad. She knew, somehow she just knew, it was over, they were finished. He said something was missing, something wasn't there. He said he didn't want to waste anybody's time. Least of all his she thought. She ask if he was over his ex, he said yes he didn't know. She knew all along, she just thought it was worth it. She just thought the good times were enough to see her through the bad. She cared about him so much, and to hear that he just didn't feel it was very hard for her. But she kept her cool, she would later be very proud of herself. She didn't cry and she didn't yell, what was the point. He would never feel sad about the situation, and he would never worry if it hurt her feelings or not. There was no reason to break down to someone who no longer cared for her. So she kept her head high, and she walked him to the door. It was obvious to her this would happen eventually, she just hoped it would be later than sooner. She was so blinded by how she thought things were, she never saw what they had really become. She had been a rebound that lasted to long, several months to long, and he had gotten what he needed from her and was moving on.

She misses him very much, it's not easy for her to talk about it. She never saw it coming, she was totally shocked. She knows this too will pass, and she will look back and laugh and wonder what was so great about him. She knows she doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with her. But for now she's hurting, and she just hopes that tomorrow things will be better.

Home Sweet ----

2006-07-18T13:28:00.000-07:00

What do you do when your home, your sanctuary, your comfort zone is suddenly threatened? It feels like it's no longer yours, it's no longer comfortable, it's like a stranger. What do you do then? You do what I'm about to do, you move the F out of there. That's right, I am soon to be homeless. Well I guess you could say I already am. I've been staying at the boyfriends house, apparently someone has found my house to be quite appealing. So he/she has been breaking in on a regular basis. Louie V and I will soon be packing up what is left of our humble abode and finding a new place to rest out heads.

It's just such a daunting task. I obviously won't be staying in my current neighborhood. I don't want to live in some crummy apartment, I've done that already. I would like to have some sort of yard for Louie V to run around in. I hate the idea of having to keep him on a leash all the time when we are outside. And I will miss sitting out back, having a drink while he plays and chases bugs. Gone are those days if we are living in an apartment. I hate the idea of him waking up in the middle of the night to the noise of our new neighbors we will be sharing walls with, and I just plain hate the idea of moving from a cute little bungalow to a standard, sterile apartment.

I've been looking for a new cute little bungalow for me and Louie V. But it's looking more and more like our bungalow days are numbered. I need to move out as soon as possible, and that doesn't leave much time for house hunting.

I picked out a cute three bedroom house for us. It has a beautiful back yard, it's fully fenced with a nice deck. It's the perfect place for Louie V and I to make a new home. The only problem is the house is for sale, not for rent. I really thought I would buy a house soon, but that's looking less likely by the day. It looks like we are destined to be renters, and not buyers. (Which is completely ridiculous since I'm not moving out of LR any time soon. But it's been brought to my attention that I "might get married" and then I could buy a house with my husband. Again, it's completely ridiculous to base a decision on the fact that I might get married some day. I like the boyfriend, but we are a long way from anything remotely close to moving into together, much less marriage.)

So Louie V and I are looking for a new home, or at least a house we can turn into our home. We need something safe, not to expensive, we would love to have hard wood floors again, at least two bedrooms, off street parking, and a dishwasher would be so nice. We haven't had one of those in a while. Hopefully Louie V and I will have a home sweet home again soon, instead of a home, robbed home.

Here Comes The Old Lady

2006-07-11T13:19:00.000-07:00

Engagement parties, stock the bar parties, weddings, it seems like everyone is getting married this summer. I've been to two weddings, and there are two more that I will be attending. The crazy thing is, I've just met all of these people in the last six months.

Attending all of these weddings and parties has got me to thinking about what kind of wedding I want some day. Of course I've had this image in my mind since I was a little girl. My fairytale wedding has changed over the years, I know my groom won't be Clay Walker (yes he was my first crush when I was young, funny I haven't listened to his music in years). I no longer want 12 bridesmaids, I can't even think of 12 girls I would put through that experience. I no longer think I will be married by the time I'm 23 (my "old age" indicator when I was little), since I've already passed that age. And I no longer want a huge white frilly dress that will only make me look like a giant cupcake in pictures years later-when it's out of style.

However, today, right now, I know some basic things I want. I do want no more than five bridesmaids. I do want the color purple to be incorporated into the wedding somehow in honor of my grandmother. I would really like to take the wedding party and my family to a beach someplace, but I'm sure tradition will rule this decision and I will get married in a church with hundreds of people present. I do want a huge reception with lots of food, drinks, and dancing (although this could still be done after a wedding if I get married on a beach some place). Also, I do want my favorite priest from my childhood to do the wedding.

I want to dance to "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison, I want my little brother to be in the wedding party, and I want my best friend from home to be my maid of honor. I want to have a shower in LR and in my small southern home town for my family, his family, and their friends. I want a stock the bar party with crawfish, lots of cold beer, and friends my age.

These are all the things I want someday, not today, and not any time soon, but some day. The only thing is, by the time I have my "fairytale wedding" I'll probably be 90 years old and I will be forced to use a walker down the isle, or maybe I can get a rascal. They will adjust the entrance song to "Here Comes the Old Lady" instead of "Here Comes the Bride", and my husband and I will dance to that song that goes; when I get old, losing my hair, I wonder if I'll still be your Valentine. There will be jello instead of cake because we probably won't have any teeth, and my husband and I will ride off into the sunset on our matching rascal's will tin cans of Ensure dragging behind!

Will I Pay

2006-07-06T13:10:00.000-07:00

In relationships, how do you know if it's a bump in the road, a pothole, or if the bridge is out and you're going down? Apparently I hit more than a bump this weekend.

I've heard that the three most common issues couples argue about is sex, religion, and money. Well I mentioned to him this weekend that it was hard for me to pay for things all the time. I cook dinner for him (and pay for it all), I pick up dinner on the way out to his house (and pay for it all), I almost always pay for my own drinks when we go out, throw in gas to his house, the food he eats when he comes over after his softball games, etc. This adds up to a lot of money every month. Granted I would buy my own drinks for myself if I went out, and I would cook dinner for myself, but I wouldn't cook as much or as often if I was just cooking for one. The thing is, a lot of this stuff is my own fault because I volunteer to do it. That is something I have got to stop doing, but that's me, I love to do things for others.

Money started this argument, and in the process almost ended our relationship. Now I wonder, will I pay for pointing out the above things? Will he make me pay for pointing these things out? And, is our relationship as strong as I thought it was if this type of conversation almost ended us?

Small Southern Town 4th Of July Check List

2006-06-29T14:08:00.000-07:00

Sunscreen-check
Cooler Cups-check
Rainbow Flip Flops-check
Sun Glasses-check
Dog Food-check
Frisbee-check
Camera-check
Dad's Belated Father's Day Gift-check
Football-still need one
New Orange Bikini (guaranteed to make the boyfriend drool)-check

The boyfriend and I are loading up and going to my small southern town for the weekend. He's never been home with me, so he's in for a treat! Fishing, skiing, tubing, and swimming on the Mississippi River all weekend. This is my idea of a perfect trip home. He'll get to meet my friends and the rest of my family. He'll get to eat some great food, and we will definitely partake in some adult beverages. Oh, and did I mention that we are taking the dogs?
So lovelies, I hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th of July! I'll be back next week (probably with a mild sunburn and a twinge of a hangover)

August And Everything After

2006-06-27T11:54:00.000-07:00

"Round here, she's always on my mind. Round here, hey man got lots of time. Round here we're never sent to bed early, and no body makes us wait, round here we stay up very, very, very, very late."

I must have listened to that song a hundred times that summer as my mom and I drove to Tennessee to D's Designs. It was early August, I was 14, and about to start high school. I never realized how fast those four years would go by, I didn't have as much time as I thought. I was focused on paginates that summer. I was the biggest tomboy, but I loved to get dressed up and walk across the stage. So my mom drove me to Tennessee several times that summer for dress fittings. Those car rides used to wear me out. I hated the two hour drive, and we always left early in the morning. I had usually been up late the night before, so I just wanted to sleep on the way there, but mom always wanted to talk. I realize now how precious those trips were.

We would listen to County Crows and sing out loud. There was a great little diner across from D's were they had the best Ruben's I'd ever eaten. I would have at least two every time we went. I was lucky my mom never mentioned watching my weight as I was being fitted for a $700 dress with a corned beef sandwich in one hand and a can of coke in the other. But that's mom, she let me be a kid while I was trying my best to seem grown up.

That was such a long time ago. It's strange that I realize now just how important that time was in my life. I was right on the edge of womanhood, but I still liked to play basketball with the boys on the goal that my dad put up in the driveway. I might be dove hunting with the family one morning, and in a paginate that evening. And through all of that my mom was there to haul me around, console me when I didn't place in a paginate, cheer me up with junk food and more trips to D's. She would pick me up at softball practice, and drive me an hour to a hotel so I could shower and get dressed up to walk across stage in a floor length gown.

"Round here, we're caving out our names. Round here, we all look the same. Round here we talk just like lions, but we sacrifice like lambs."

Shoe Monster

2006-06-26T13:11:00.000-07:00

I love shoes, I do. I love the way stilettos make me feel sexy. I love the way my newly manicured toes look in a pair of strappy sandals. I love my snakeskin BCBG sling backs with the red toe, I love my new bronze hills with the rhinestone accents on the buckle. I love how versatile my Rainbow flip-flops are. I wear them with jeans, on the river, every where. So when something happens to a pair of my shoes, it's serious business.

I am constantly repairing heels, or resoling, I spend a lot of money on my shoes, but they are worth it to me. So something has recently been causing a lot of trouble with my shoe supply. They have been disappearing out of my closet. That's right, gone, vanished, missing!

I can't explain what is happening. It all started a few weeks ago. I got up and got dressed for work as usual. But when I went to get my black, tall, strappy sandals out of my closet, they were gone. I tore through my closet like a wild woman, pulling out shoe boxes, tennis shoes, house shoes, but no black, tall, strappy sandals. What could have happened to them? Because of this incident I had to change clothes, making me late for work. I thought and thought about the last time I had worn them. Could it be possible that I lost them? I remember clearly that I wore them just a few days before, and I had put them away like I always did. This made no sense.

The next day, same story, only this time it was my copper Ralph Lauren sandals missing. This was starting to get a little ridiculous. Again, thinking back, I had just worn them not two weeks earlier. Two days later the Ralph Lauren's were back in my closet, but a hot pink shoe box holding my all time favorite sexy, black BCBC stilettos was missing.

Could it be possible that I have a shoe monster living in my house somewhere? I know my roommate wouldn't wear them. He has four legs and a tail, expensive shoes are lost on him. So what is happening to my shoes? I wondered briefly if the boyfriend's dog had eaten them, and he had hidden the evidence. But he said that wasn't the case and he hadn't seen them. The only two people that have a key to my place is my neighbor, who wears a shoe 3 sizes smaller than my own, and the boyfriend, and he promises he did not borrow them.

Well after two weeks I can't go on without a pair of black, strappy sandals. It looks like I will be taking a shopping trip this evening to replace them. But what about my favorite BCBG's that I won't be able to replace because they only made them last season? I guess I will have to find some new all time favorite sexy, black stilettos.

While I'm pissed about the shoes, I'm also pissed about the money. I love shoes, but I have expensive taste, and I tend to spend a lot of money on a pair of shoes that I know will last me a long time. So, if anyone wants to send a donation to the "Buy Anne Some New Sexy Shoes Fund" let me know and I will give you an address were checks or cash maybe sent! Oh, and if you see a Black Lab or a gold and white Chihuahua wearing shoes that look suspiciously like the ones described above, please contact me. Both dogs looked like they were hiding something when I ask them about the missing shoes.

I Like What We Have Too

2006-06-23T13:52:00.000-07:00

Things aren't perfect, but what's perfect? Things aren't always happy, but the good times WAY outweigh the bad. We have flaws, but everyone has flaws. We aren't a brand new couple any more, it's been a few months. There are some things I don't just love about him, but I'm sure he has his things too.

It's been long enough, and we've spent enough time together that, for me, it's time to consider a few things. Is this just an attraction, an infatuation, or could this be something that has some longevity? How would I feel if it ended, would it be difficult for me?

These thoughts have been in my head a little, especially since we had a little drama a few weeks back. But last night, it sorta made sense. He said to me, "Anne, I like what we have." I let it sink it, and I realized, we are going to disagree about things, we are going to piss each other off sometimes, we aren't perfect. But, I like what we have too.

Candle Light And Cops

2006-06-19T14:09:00.000-07:00

What do you get when you cross a yummy meal, candle light, slow music, a break in, and the LR Police Department? You get my Friday night!

I planned all week, I was so excited. I was going to cook a romantic dinner for the boyfriend on Friday night. I grocery shopped, I cleaned up-just a little, I picked out a cute but casual skirt, I shaved my legs. I had my favorite perfume on, Aroma Geisha, that I'm about out of and can't purchase any where. I had slow music in the stereo, I had candles ready to be lit. I was totally prepared for a nice romantic evening at home with the boyfriend.

What I wasn't prepared for was the phone call I got a little later. My next door neighbor had been staying with her daughter and son in law all week. They just had their first baby, a sweet little boy, and my neighbor was needed to help them get settled in. I picked up her mail like I always do when she is out of town. She got home on Friday, and it was so great to see her. She came straight over before even going into her house. We had a cold beer while I cooked dinner and we got all caught up. The boyfriend arrived about five minutes after the neighbor left, and that's when I got the phone call.

"Anne, would you come right over, and bring the boyfriend? Something is disturbing me, and I need you here," said my neighbor.

Of course we rushed right over. The neighbors house had been broken into while she was gone. Nothing was missing, but they had managed to break several antiques while trying to climb through the window, and they destroyed the locks on her window. We think when they broke a bunch of glass they got scared and ran off. The strange thing is, they took the time to pull the window and screen back down, so I didn't notice it when I was getting the mail. The also broke into the window on the busiest street.

I called a friend of mine who is a detective for the city, and he suggested we call the police and file a report. The police were great, very helpful, and very nice. My neighbor was a bit shook up. We sat outside on the back steeps and waited for the officers to show up, and at one point she said to me, "I'm going to get some more alcohol, let me know when the cops show up." Now that's something you don't usually hear.

After the reports were given, and the neighbor was more relaxed, the boyfriend and I went home to enjoy our nice romantic dinner. I cooked a beer chicken in the crock pot, green bean bundles, and mashed potatoes. It was a great meal, the boyfriend brought a bottle of wine, and a we just ate and relaxed. I had planned on dessert and slow dancing in the living room after dinner. But we ended up sitting outside with the neighbor and talking instead.

We did find time for slow dancing though. A little Damian Rice and candle light, as soon as the cops left.

Trying To Shift Back

2006-06-13T14:53:00.000-07:00

When relationships first start, there is a certain element there, a certain spark, a certain bliss. Things are sweet, hands are held, kisses on the forehead are frequent, things are easy. But eventually these things fade a little, sometimes they almost disappear all together. So what causes this? What induces this change?

For some relationships, they just fade because there is a certain comfortableness there that makes those sweet sentiments not really necessary any more. In some relationships, the sentiments were never really real in the first place. So when the "show" part of the relationship is over, so are the forehead kisses and flowers for no reason. But other relationships take a turn that inadvertedly causes a shift, and with this shift, the sentiments change.

I think this is what happened with me. Then again I could be getting way ahead of myself and this is not happening at all.

Obviously there has been a turn, more like a head on collision that threw me in the other direction. I'm worried that maybe in my attempt to hold on to what I had, I may have pushed it away, and with it my guy who gives me Gerber Daises, takes me fishing, replaces my lost hat, slow dances with me in the living room, and generally just makes me really happy. I really like all of these things. I've never really had this before, and I'm not ready to give it up yet.

This makes me wonder, in relationships, how can you shift back?

What I Should Have Said

2006-06-12T11:00:00.000-07:00

Apparently I let my emotions (and to much alcohol) get the better of me this weekend. I threw quite the little fit on Saturday night, thank goodness it was out of site of the party goers that showed up at the boyfriends house after a long day on the river.

The day started out okay with me picking up breakfast for myself and the boyfriend. He had some chores to take care of before we could head out to the river, so I busiest myself with a grocery list. A couple of hours later, we loaded up, headed to the ramp, and drove down river to the lock. We had decided to put in close to the boyfriends house and lock by the dam, something none of us had ever done before. It was pretty awesome, and it also gave everyone a chance to have four or five beers before we got to the sandbar.

Once we met up with friends and unloaded the boat we hauled people across the river and the serious drinking began. By the time dinner was being cooked, I was pretty well intoxicated. Apparently I made the comment to the boyfriend, who was trying his best to cook dinner for all the hungry drinkers, that I didn't want one of his sand burgers or sand dogs. While I don't recall saying this, it was definitely not the right thing to say to someone who is trying his best to flip burgers with a boat paddle because someone forgot to pack a spatula. What I should have said was that I definitely wanted a burger, and I should have helped him cook the food. I would have done both, had I been a little more sober.

After dinner, which I didn't eat, we began loading up and taking people across river. We still had to lock and had at least a 30 minute boat ride after that. It was very dark outside, I spot lighted buoys the entire time, and we made it back to the creak safe and sound. What I didn't expect to see when we got back to the boyfriends house was a party starting. Apparently I decided I should go home because I wasn't in the party mood. The boyfriend would not let me drive, thank goodness, but we did have quite the argument because of this. What I should have said was thank you for caring enough about me to keep me safe. But instead I tried to explain to him that I just wanted to go home and get in my own bed. Obviously other parts of the conversation aren't quite so clear. Bits and pieces have been coming back, and it hasn't been pretty. Apparently I was quite the handful on Saturday night.

Eventually the boyfriend brought me some food, I took a shower and went to bed. He was pretty patient with me considering I was acting like a total idiot. I feel a little bit uncomfortable with us now. And it's my own fault. I let some things get to me that I shouldn't have, and rather than trying to be a grown up, I acted like a child, a drunken child at that. I must admit that I'm a little worried my actions will be forgiven but not forgotten.

What I should have said was, "Thank you for taking me to the river on Saturday, I had a good time. I'm sorry for my drunken behavior and I’m sorry if I was less than nice to you. I don't know what came over me, actually that's a lie I do, and I'm very sorry. I hope you can forgive and forget most of the things I said. I do remember one very important thing I said to you, and I meant it, all three words of it."

Sit, Stay, Heal, Ex

2006-06-09T14:10:00.001-07:00

"I've thought about it, and I don't think it's a good idea if you go on Saturday," he said to me as he looked at the ground. "It's just that, I don't want to do anything to intentionally hurt her feelings, she didn't do anything to deserve that."

This was the conversation we had just a little over a month ago. He was going to a wedding shower were he is the best man. He invited me as his date and then thought better of it because he didn't want to hurt the ex's feelings. At the time I was a little upset, I felt like he was putting her feelings before mine, but I understood and, as much as I hate to admit it, was appreciative of how thoughtful he was being. But it still hurt that he was thoughtful to an ex, and not to me. But, we made it though that. I went to a shower for a good friend of mine that night, he went to his shower, and afterward we met up and it was great. It was just a bump in the road, and in some ways it made us stronger. He promised me I would never have to worry about the ex's feelings again, from now on it was not an issue.

"I'm going to be keeping her dog this weekend while she is out of town," he said on the phone. "I think it's important to keep the line of communications open in case I need her to keep my dog when we go on vacation in August."

This was not something I was ready to hear. While we are fine, we are great in fact, I do hear about this certain ex a lot. From his friends, from him, even from his family, it makes it tough on me when I feel like I'm having to fill her shoes. The thing is though, she seems great, she seems like a fun time girl who is super nice. I'm not so insecure in the relationship that I’m worried that this whole "exchanges of dogs" will spark something between them again. It's more of the fact that it goes against my philosophy that and ex is and ex for a reason. I can understand him being friends with his ex, I’m still friends with most of mine. But, I don't keep their dogs, and I don't dis-invite my date based on how it will effect the ex.

Of course I voiced my opinion, that's what I do. I'm not one of those people who holds everything in until I explode. I don't think that's healthy. Of course it caused quite the rift between us for the better part of the day. After 6.5 miles on the treadmill, and 1.5 miles on the stair climber I still couldn't figure out where I was being irrational, I may have acted a little childish when we discussed it, but I wasn't asking to much, or at least I didn't think so. What it all came down to for me was that he was putting what was good for her above my feelings again, after he had promised he wouldn't. That was what it was really about for me. I told him I would never intentionally do something when I knew that it really bothered someone that I cared about. He said that I had nothing to worry about, that he was crazy about me. I believed him, I believe him still, but it doesn't make me feel better about the situation. After the talk there was only one thing to do, agree to disagree. He thinks it's okay, I don't, and that's all there is to it.

We have plans this weekend. Movies and snuggle time tonight, and the river tomorrow with some friends. However, now we are dog sitting for the ex's as well. Hopefully this will make me stronger, and hopefully babysitting won't become a common thing.

Through The Stomach To The Heart

2006-06-08T06:04:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned before, I love to cook. I don't always have the most original recipes, and lets face it, I'm the sister of a chef, I'm not expected to cook when I go home to visit. However, despite my family constantly calling me the "microwave queen" I have become quite comfortable in the kitchen. I don't cook a lot of exotic dishes, and I tend to cook the kind of food I like, which usually translates into meat and potatoes. But, I do cook, and the boyfriend is just brave enough to try my cooking.

I decided a while back I wanted to cook something I'd never tried before. Something not to challenging, but also something that wasn't to common around my house. So tonight, I'm headed straight to the boyfriends heart by route of his stomach. I'm cooking Cornish Game Hens, smashed garlic potatoes, rolls, and spinach salad with almonds and dried cranberries.

I've been thinking about this meal for several weeks, and I'm very excited. I'm going to baste the hens in a mixture of apple juice, honey, garlic, onions, and rosemary. I'm going to stuff them with oranges, and surely they will be delicious. I'm going to make smashed potatoes like my momma taught me to, with lots of butter and milk, and hopefully he will enjoy the Ben & Jerry's I bought for dessert.

A bottle of wine, a nice home cooked meal cooked with the best intentions, some Carmel Sutra, and hopefully straight to the heart with no signs of heartburn.

*This should have been posted yesterday, but Blogger was down all day*

Tough Love

2006-06-02T14:12:00.000-07:00

I recently had a big falling out with a very good friend, my best in fact. It was very difficult for me, but I pretty much told her exactly what I thought. I didn't candy coat it, I didn't dance around the issues. I came right out and talked to her about what was bothering me. It was very difficult, probably more so for her.

The strange thing about the situation is that I wasn't mad at her. I wasn't pissed, I wasn't angry. When I talked to her, everything I said was brought on by my love for her. The entire time I remember thinking, don't lose your cool and don't lose your patience, she is very special to you, and you must stay focused and remember that this is probably very hard for her to hear.

This friend is so much like me that when the discussion was over, she did exactly what I would do. She put it behind her and we have moved on like nothing is wrong. Because it's not, everything is great again. The thing is, we are so much alike, we are both Alpha's, and I think this sometimes can cause tension between us. So I try to remember that even though I like to be the planner, and be in control, I can't be all the time.

This friend is so special that she wrote me a not to tell me how much I mean to her and how much she loves me. That's the kind of friend she is, some how she just knows what to say and how to say it. She knows when to remind you how important you are, and she does it in such a way that you feel like the most loved person in the world. But don't get me wrong, she is still as tough as nails!

I've Said

2006-06-01T14:18:00.000-07:00

"This cork screw is junk," I remember saying that night. He had just brought me home and we thought a glass of wine on the front porch sounded like a good idea. After we fought to free the cork for several minutes we sat outside with a chilled glass of white and worked on getting to know each other. We had only known each other a week or so, but this would be one of many nights of fighting the cork screw and getting to know each other better.

A few weeks later we were off to see Cross Canadian Ragweed, my favorite band! He wasn't a big fan, yet, so I burned him a CD so he would know all the songs. When I got to his house that night he had a surprise for me, a new cork screw. A small gesture that meant so much to me. Funny thing, we haven't had a glass of wine since, but when we do, we won't have to fight the cork screw.

"I've got to buy a distressed straw cowboy hat," I remember saying when we got to the concert that night. There were hats everywhere, I had been eyeing one for a long time, but I'd never actually bought one.

A month or so later we went on a float trip to the Big Piney River. When I got to his house that morning he had a surprise for me, a distressed straw cowboy hat with a Miller patch on it. I could hardly believe it, I was so exited! He said he had had it for weeks, but he was waiting until we went on the river to give it to me. I didn't want to take it that day, I was afraid I would lose it. But he insisted, and several hours later it became a causality of "the mother" and I was without my surprise hat.

"I loved the book, I can't wait to see the movie," I remember saying when we saw a commercial for The DeVinci Code. A few days later he called and ask me what my plans were for May 19th. That was almost three weeks away. We were going to be out of town on the 19th, so he decided it would have to be later in the week.

A few weeks later he picked me up and took me to see the movie. He was lost through the first part of it and ask a lot of question, he didn't have time to read the book. But I loved explaining it to him. I was so excited to see it. He said he had read the reviews and they were mixed, but he said it was a recommended date movie. I thought it was really sweet that he took that much time to find out about the movie.

"Gerber Daisies are my favorite flower," I remember saying when I filled out an on-line survey on myspace. I took this survey when we first started seeing each other. I didn't think much about it, but apparently he read it, and remembered.

A couple of months later, the night he picked me up for our movie date, he brought me flowers. The Gerber Daises were beautiful, I was so surprised. When I ask him how he knew he pointed out the survey. I thought that was very impressive that he remembered such a small thing. It meant a lot more to me that he listened.

"He listens and pays attention to me," I've said.
PS. He replaced the lost hat!

Baby Cousins

2006-05-30T14:28:00.000-07:00

I spent part of the weekend in Memphis with my family. We always have a Memorial Day BBQ, and the entire family gets together. This year my cousins were there with their kids. Five babies ages three and a half to about a month old. The four older kids are all about six months apart, so they can all play together.

It amazes me how smart they are, and how much their speech has advanced every time I see them. They are the sweetest kids, and they fight and cry, and it's just adorable. It amazes me to see how each one has this special thing they are more advanced in than the others.

The oldest, a little girl, is so smart. She can remember names and faces, and it's just amazing to me. She always asks me if I'm brining the "apple head", meaning Louie V. Before the age of three she knew that my dog was of the apple head breed. She always remembers all of her cousins names, and she always uses them when she is talking. She will say, "Anne, please, please can we go down by the water, please." It's so cute.

The second oldest is all about sports. At just over three years old he plays basketball just barely missing a shot on a 10 foot goal. He loves to play every sport, he even sits through an entire televised golf tournament. He has a wonderful vocabulary, and knows lots of sports terms. I played basketball with him this weekend and was amazed at how coordinated he was. It's just amazing.

The third oldest, a little boy, is so mechanical. He drivers his motorized tractors all over the yard, weaving through parked cars, and never bumping into anything. He even goes out to the farm with my dad to drive the tractors. Dad lets him steer in the fields, and he does a great job. He is mesmerized by anything that is mechanical or motorized. Last Thanksgiving he snuck up on our cat and scooped him up in his front end loader of his tractor. He was so careful about it as he snuck up on the cat. All the while he had this mischievous look on his face.

The forth oldest is so sweet. He just loves on people when they hold him. He has the best temperament and the sweetest demeanor. He is so smart to be so young. I ask him what has on his shirt this weekend and he said, in the cutest little voice, "alligator". That's a big word for a little boy. He is also very mechanical, he loves to ride on the 4 wheeler and play in the boat.

The youngest, a little boy, is very special. His parents waited a long time to get him. He is very young, just about a month or so, but he is all smiles and he rarely ever cries. He is a joy to be around, and it shows how much his mom and dad love him. They are so happy to finally be parents.

We have two more babies on the way. One will be a girl, the other a boy, more than likely the boy will be born first. I can't wait to have more babies in our family. When I was growing up my cousins and I were so spread out that I didn't really have anyone to play with besides brother chef. So I am really excited about all of these babies being so close in age, it's going to be really fun playing with them all at holidays.

Now just because I'm bragging on my newest sweet cousins does not mean I want babies any time soon. Lets not be ridiculous! I am VERY happy with just Louie V. In fact he is the only thing I plan on being responsible for, for quite a while. I'm just amazed at how smart and funny my little cousins are at such a young age. Good genes I guess!

How To Stop A Bank Robber With Panty Hoes On His Head

2006-05-25T14:17:00.000-07:00

I'll never forget that day. It was a Friday, I was swamped at work, and it looked like there was no way I would get home by 5. My rent was a day late because I had been working long hours, and I was poor. I had just gotten paid that day, so I needed to deposit the check so I could then sign it back over to my landlord. I had a work related errand to run at a down town office building, which just happened to be two blocks from my bank. Of course I was going to take this opportunity to run to my bank. I thought I could sneak in this personal errand, no such luck.

I whipped my car up to a curb side spot on a one way street. As I jumped from the car, I realized the back end of my car was going to be out in traffic and more than likely hit on the busy street if I didn't parallel park it. But there was no time, I had to make my transaction and haul ass back to work. As I turned one last time to see just how bad my parking job was, I noticed something. There was a man getting out of the car just two spots behind me, he was tall, and dark skinned. He was wearing jeans and a red hooded sweatshirt. He was wearing panty hoes over his face.

I just kept walking towards the bank. I was reaching for the handle of the bank doors when it hit me. I grew up in a one back town, but I know that wearing panty hoes on your face can only mean one thing. This man was going to robe the bank. I stopped dead in my tracks. I turned back around and looked at the man, he was frozen in his tracks, half out of his car, and still watching me.

I don't remember thinking anything at this point. I calmly pulled my cell from my purse and walked back to my car. I dialed 911 and locked the doors. I gave the operator a full description of the car and it's passengers. The operator alerted the building security and ask that I leave my car and walk to another entrance area, she assured me that the authorities would be waiting for me. So I left my purse in the car, stayed on the phone with her, and walked around to the other side of the building. The man with the panty hoes on his head was sitting back in the car watching every more I made. When I was on the other side of the building I saw the car pull away from the curb, and slowly drive down the street. Then I was inside the building, surrounded by Marshals and FBI agents.

Apparently my bank is housed in one of the most secure buildings in Little Rock. This building houses offices for a former President, as well as several other prestigious people and companies. I described the details of what had happened twice to the authorities. By this time the bank had been evacuated. I was then walked to my car so I could get my check and make my deposit. An armored truck pulled up to the bank as I was being walked to my car, and after a few short words spoken by an agent into the cuff of his shirt the truck pulled away and continued down the street.

Then it hit me. Had I just interfered with a possible bank robbery? Could I have been in danger? Does the bank award me money for this (kidding)? After I made my transaction, I gave my contact information to one of the agents, and I went back to work. I had been gone for almost two hours, and my boss was not at all happy.

I told him what happened, and shortly it was confirmed when a high ranking employee at the bank called by boss to inform him of what I had been involved in that afternoon. Needless to say, I didn't get to leave work before 5, but I didn't catch any more hell from my boss either.

The next Monday when I got to work, I received a huge vase of fresh cut flowers and a note, not from the bank, but from one of the agents. The note said he was amazed at how calm I remained and how I handled myself, blah, blah, and he wanted to know if I would like to go to dinner with him. I was so surprised by his gesture. I called and thanked him, but declined on dinner. After everything that had happened, I didn't think it was appropriate, not to mention, I couldn't remember which agent he was.

And that my friends is how a southern girl stops a bank robber with panty hoes on his head.

Fight Or Flight

2006-05-24T14:21:00.000-07:00

There is a theory that says when an animal is threatened it either fights the threat or gets the heck out of there. Well, I've been dealing with this theory myself. And as is my history, I've thought about running the hell away.

It started last week, when the reality that I was about to introduce the boyfriend to the family hit me. For me, this is a huge deal. I've lived in Little Rock for almost three years, and never in that time have I dated anyone that was actually family worthy. So, the fact that the boyfriend met them this past weekend has freaked me out a little. It's made me realize just how much I like this boyfriend, and just how much that scares the hell out of me.

So why does it scare me? Why do I get all ba-jig-ity? I'm not afraid of getting hurt. If I do, I'll live, not many people die from a broken heart. It's more than that, it's more than the thought of losing him. I'm scared and I want to run because I like him. I really do, and I think this like will turn into something more, something bigger. That scares the hell out of me.

I talked to the boyfriend about this. I was hesitant, but he knew something was bothering me, and I would want him to talk to me if he was feeling funky about something. So, I told him, I told him exactly how I felt. I even got a little emotional about it (I know, as tough as I act, I still sometimes have my girly moments). I think deep down I also knew that I would only feel better if I talked to him about it, only he could ease my mind. He did exactly what I would have wanted him to do, he didn't give me compliments and he didn't try to pump me up. He told me that there was no reason for me to be scared, and that he was happy I told him how I felt. He said this was a good thing, it showed I cared. (I mean seriously, how good is he?)

So, I could run like hell, realize down the road that I ran away from something that was great, but could have been better than great. Or I can stay, stay and fight my fear, and not only become a stronger person for it, but keep a great boyfriend too. I think I'll fight it out, I think it's worth it.

Meet The Family And Meet Their Approval

2006-05-23T12:08:00.000-07:00

The boyfriend met my family this past weekend. Mom, dad, brother chef, and my favorite cousin, he met them all and he met their approval.

As I've mentioned several times, I don't have many long term boyfriends. In fact I haven't really had any to speak of since moving to Little Rock almost three years ago. So introducing a boyfriend to my family, well it was a big deal for me.

Brother chef drove in from the coast early Friday morning. The boyfriend and I stayed the weekend at my cousins house, and partied with brother chef on Friday night. Then Saturday morning, hung over and tired, I went to get breakfast for everyone, and we got ready to meet mom and dad downtown. Thankfully dad understood the reason for Bloody Mary's, and was more than happy to order me one. We hung out at the hotel, had some drinks and snacks, and then moved on to the riverfront for BBQ Fest 06.

Mom and dad have never been to BBQ Fest, so they got to take it all in. We had drinks and food on the deck of my cousins booth. Dad had cigars for the guys, and they all sat around and bs'ed until late in the evening. It was wonderful. The boyfriend didn't get much conversation in, as we were all busy telling stories and laughing. But he sure learned a lot about my family just by listening.

I met his family a few weeks back, and I told him that I thought we were both raised in the same kind of atmosphere. Both families are very close knit, they are both Catholic, and they both believe in a cold beer or a stiff drink, good food, and lot's of laughing.

So the family tests are over, and I think we both passed (well I know he did). No one called the boyfriend by the wrong name (which has happened before, but that's another story) and no one peed in their pants. We ate, we drank (a lot actually) and we were merry!

The Princess And The Pee

2006-05-18T12:29:00.000-07:00

I'll never forget the afternoon my first real college boyfriend took me home to meet his family. I was so excited, it was the boyfriends birthday, and I was going to meet his parents, and lots of his hometown friends. I was twenty, and he was turning twenty-two.

We went to his grandmothers house for lunch, then we were supposed to be at his dads best friends house that evening around six for a fish fry and drinks. We had about four hours to waste before the fish fry started, so we decided to get a couple of bottles of Boone's and a thirty pack and hit the back roads. It was mid March, and it was still really cold outside (I was wearing jeans, black boots, and a heavy wool turtle neck sweater), but it was warm in the truck and the Boone's and beer tasted great. It wasn't long before I had a buzz and desperately had to pee.

Being from a small town, it's understood that you learn how to pee on a dirt road. It's just part of life. So I wasn't shy at all about announcing that I had to pee and jumping out of the truck. Problem was, I was pretty tipsy. His huge lab was bouncing around in the back of his truck, and I was trying my best to hold on to the bumper of the truck, stay out of the mud ( we were out in the middle of a field), and breath since my face was about level with the tail pipe. There is no doubt that I was at least two pounds lighter when I finished. It was not the easiest situation, but I came through it pretty good, or so I thought.

When I stood up and buttoned my jeans something didn't feel right. I looked at the ground, and the reality of the situation hit me. I was out in the middle of nowhere, I was with my fairly new boyfriend, I was an hour from my house and clean clothes, and I had just peed inside of my jeans. That's right, the entire contents of my bladder was now soaked into my Luckies. I was mortified. I didn't know what to do, I had to think fast. I considered slipping and falling into some mud so it wouldn't be so obvious. But I didn't want to wear muddy jeans all day, not that the alternative was any better. So, I did what any quick thinking girl in my situation would do. I jumped my now sober self back into the truck.

I rolled down the passenger window (I could have sworn I could smell pee) and I chain smoked for the next two hours while I leaned in towards the boyfriend. I was hoping this angle would allow for the cool breeze blowing in through the window to dry my jeans before the fish fry started and I had to meet all of this home town friends. I wasn't that lucky.

When we got to the shop were the party was taking place my jeans were still soaked, I smelled like a giant ashtray, and I was freezing. So I put my heavy coat on, thankfully it was long enough to cover the back of my wet jeans, and opened another beer. Oh but things were about to get worse.

The fish fry was in a very nice shop in someone's back yard. It was fully furnished and had a very good heater. I had sweat dripping down my face in a matter of minutes. But I had to keep my coat on, at least until my pants dried. So I did just that, for the next three hours. I probably sweated off 5 more pounds, but it was worth it. No one ever knew! Of course months later I had to tell on myself, the story was just to good not to share.

And that my friends is the story of the princess and the pee!

Stroken' and BBQ, There Is Nothing Better

2006-05-16T11:49:00.000-07:00

Growing up in a small southern town I learned at an early age that there is not much better than a nice day, a cold beer, and anything cooked on a charcoal grill. That's why I'm so excited about this weekend. It's BBQ Fest time again in Memphis, and of course I'll be there to eat, drink, and be merry all weekend! This will be the forth year that I've gone, and I will have to say that every year has been more fun than the one before. And I think this year is going to be the best yet.

My favorite cousin is on a BBQ team, and since I've been going for so long, I've sort of become the team mascot. I would join in a second, but it's pretty expensive, and since I live in LR, it's not really feasible. So I'll go party all weekend with the S. Smokers, and eat as much BBQ as humanly possible. Oh, and people I am not just talking about some chopped pork and a rib or two. This team does it right, bacon rapped shrimp stuffed with cream cheese and hot peppers, duck rapped in bacon and stuffed with pepper cheese, ribs that fall off the bone, pulled pork that will make you want to slap someone, Bloody Mary's that are guaranteed to make the worst hangover disappear, a DJ, full bar, and a deck that overlooks the entire park. Not to mention, Clarence Carter is playing on Saturday night, which means all of BBQ Fest will be "stroken".

The boyfriend is going with me this year, this is significant for a couple of reasons. First, it will be the first time he has ever been to BBQ Fest. He's in for a treat! Second, this will be our first out of town trip (it still counts, even if it's just a two hour drive). Third, he will get to meet my favorite cousin. This is going to be great because the cousin is going to love him, and they are going to have lots in common. And finally, and most importantly, the boyfriend will get to meet my brother, who coincidentally, is also a BBQ Fest virgin. So, I'm super excited about this weekend.

The boyfriend and I are taking off early on Friday, and heading north (but not to far north)!!! We will meet my brother and my cousin, and we will eat, drink, and be merry all weekend!

The Mother

2006-05-15T11:20:00.000-07:00

I didn't get to go home to my small southern town to see my mom this weekend. I did, however, mail her mothers day gift to her last week. She loves her new IPod Nano, and I’m sure she will get a lot of use out of it, as soon as she figures out how to set it up. Just because I didn't go home though, doesn't mean I didn't see the mother this weekend, because I did, and she was a real bitch.

I went on a float trip on Saturday down the Big Piney River. This was just my second canoe trip ever, and I must say I did pretty good. The boyfriend and I, along with a couple he is good friends with made the trip, and it turned out to be a lot of fun. The day started out with a surprise gift from the boyfriend, a distressed straw Miller Cowboy hat that I just loved. The operative word here being loved.

The river was very green and the scenery was beautiful. The weather was perfect, and the water conditions were ideal (very cold, but still fun). We had our Miller on ice, I had my Miller hat, and we were ready for a great float. I made it through the first few sets of rapid unscathed. I was starting to get the hang of it, and the boyfriend was good to give me some direction. We were having a blast, that is until we started discussing "The Mother". I had heard rumors of her, and I had even seen pictures of her that morning at the outfitters we stopped at along the way, but nothing prepared me for her.

"The Mother", a fairly treacherous section of river that is almost sure to make you tump over, did just that to me and the boyfriend. I knew it was going to happen when I saw her, she was big, and mean, and she kicked our asses. And to boot, the bitch stole my new Miller hat. After we tumped over, we held on to the canoe and each other for about 120 yards, until the current slowed enough for us to get our footing. But that 120 yards seemed to last forever. The boyfriend suffered some major cuts and bruises. I had some scratches and bruises, and my perfectly manicured toes didn't survive the rocks and boulders we were drug across, but I was basically okay, just really scared. The boyfriend was right beside me when I surfaced, and he helped me hold on to the canoe and keep my head above water as we were swept through the rapids. He was great, I was scared to death. When we finally got to shallow water, I was shaking pretty bad. It was a rough wipe out.

Once I was calm I realized that my new hat was gone, it didn't survive "The Mother". I was pretty upset about it, it meant a lot to me that the boyfriend thought to get me that hat, and then I lost it the first day I wore it. But, he assured me he would get me another one. He was great about the whole thing. He kept asking if I was okay and telling me he was sorry he was that we tumped. All the while he was the one bleeding and walking around barefoot on the rocks. (The Mother also got one of his flip flops)

I regained my composure, and we finished the last mile of the float. All in all, we floated 10 miles on the Big Piney River. We drank about 20 beers between the 4 of us, and lost 5 or so. We ate 4 turkey sandwiches, smoked about a pak of cig's, lost two left foot flip flops, one ankle sock, a lot of skin, and one distressed Miller Cowboy hat.

"The Mother"--1
Us--0

I will take on "The Mother" again, and this time that bitch won't steal my hat.

{I've included some pictures of "The Mother" I found on the Internet. We didn't take any pictures of her. I was to mad at her after what she did to us. But I hope the bitch enjoys my hat!}

A Missed Past

2006-05-12T12:21:00.000-07:00

Things are happening, changing, moving, pulling me, and it's making my life a little unharmonious. It's making me tired and sad and confused. I've always said I wouldn't chose a guy over my friends, and I never have. I still don't think I am, but I'm afraid not everyone shares this opinion about me.

I think she feels like I don't have time for her. I think she feels like I would rather hang out without her, and I think she feels like she's not in the loop any more. I think she's lost friends this way before, and I think she's scared she's lost her partner in crime. She sorta has, I think. I haven't really spent time with her lately, our schedules are different, and I spend a lot of time with him now.

I like spending time with him, and he never asks me to chose, he always says, go with her, be with her, do ya'lls thing. But it's not that easy sometimes. Why do I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions even though neither one of them is really pulling me, they are waiting on me to make the decision. I know why I feel this way, because my heart is being pulled.

A good friend of mine told me that this would happen when I reached a certain age. She said that at one point in my life I would look for something more than just friendship, and that my friends would understand because they would also deal with this at some point. When she told me this, I thought, not me. But how I was wrong, this friend is very wise, she knew I was going to deal with this eventually.

I hate that I might hurt someone's feelings. Especially a someone that is so dear to me. While she may get angry, I just get sad, and my heart hurts a little more. I do miss her, but I think I miss the way we used to be more than anything.

Hook, Line, And Sinker

2006-05-09T10:51:00.000-07:00

We had our forth fishing trip together on Sunday. It was great! We caught lots of fish, drank a few beers, talked, and enjoyed the weather and each others company. I love Sundays spent fishing, and I like just he and I time.

Trolling around in the water, me getting hung up on everything in a 10 foot radius, and him laughing at me made me realize even more how much I'm starting to care about him. We've been seeing each other for almost two months now, but it seems like longer. We spend time together just about every day, we sit outside and enjoy the weather, we cook dinner, we play with the dogs, or we go fishing.

Sunday he taught me how to take the boat off, and drive it back on the trailer. I've always wanted to learn how to do this. As a country girl, I can't believe it took me this long to try it. I also caught a monster bass ( 4 lbs. in fact), another first for me. It was a very exciting moment when we got it in the boat, and it was the biggest we caught that day!

He's definitely caught me, maybe more than just my attention.

Anxious, Not Nervous

2006-05-05T13:33:00.000-07:00

"Hey, it's nice to meet you," no, that's not it.
"Hello, very nice to make your acquaintance," no, to formal.
"Hi, it's so nice to meet you," huuuuum, that could be it.

I'm practicing in the mirror and trying to mentally run through my closet at the same time. What am I going to wear? I’m not nervous, definitely not nervous ( I sound like rain man), I'm anxious. Yeah, that's it, anxious. So back to the perfect outfit. I have it narrowed down to three things.

1. My white eyelet skirt, black stretchy tank and black beaded flip flops, with the black flower next to my ponytail. (Although I was saving this to wear to his brother in-laws concert next Saturday night)
2. My next door neighbors borrowed brown, ankle length knit skirt with a salmon stretchy tank and my brown flip flips.
3. Calling in sick and staying home.

It's a tough decision. It's just a BBQ, it's casual, it's can beer. There is no reason to be concerned about my appearance. But to me, there is. I want to make just the right impression, I want it to be great.

Okay, I've got to make my famous BLT Cheese ball (actually my mothers famous BLT Cheese ball). Of course I'm not going to show up empty handed, and it looks wonderful on my chili pepper tray with crackers. So, the white skirt I think. I'm sure I'll drop something down the front of it, I'm sure I'll make a mess somehow. But, it's comfortable, it's cute, it's grill worthy right? And of course flip flops, I shouldn’t wear strapy heals to a BBQ right? Definitely the flip flops, I need to be comfortable. I don't know why I'm nervous, I mean anxious.

It's just his family, and they sound pretty normal. I'm just meeting his family.

100 Things 100 Thank You's

2006-05-04T13:07:00.000-07:00

Today is my 100th post. So I thought I would link some past posts, and discuss how I've changed and what these changes have meant to me. Enjoy!

I don't think I necessarily have commitment issues any more, but I do think that I have trust issues. I think I used to mask these as commitment issues, but I have a very good feel for people, and I don't trust easily. This could have stemmed from the married guy I dated just about two years ago. Of course I didn't know he was married, therefore it was no fault of mine, but it messed with my head quite a bit. I'm sure the guy that I dated for three months, met the family, etc. then he never called again could have added to my trust issues. The funny thing about that is, it was just a year ago, and I've been friends with this guy since before the new year. Looking back on it, I can't believe I dated him, funny how that happens.

I've also come to realize that friends and family are the most important thing in my life. I have the absolute best family, and I know how lucky I am. I mean, some people's family suck, but mine doesn't suck most of the time! I have a younger brother, who I miss constantly, am proud of daily, and love more than anything. I've been blessed that my parents, who are still together and celebrating their 26th Wedding Anniversary this month, have raised both me and my little brother in a family rich with tradition. I have great friends who will do anything for me. We go out and party like rock stars, they make me feel better when I've had a bad day, and I'm always there to pick them up when they need it.
I'm stronger than I used to be. I'm settled and happy now, granted I'm not completely content, but I'm working on it. I've learned to relax and enjoy things. I've learned not to get so caught up in the petty things, but that being caught up in some things is really worth it. I'm keeping the important things in my life close to me (like Louie V), and I'm taking time to tell the people I care about the most that I love them. It's no secret that most of the people that read my blog are close friends or family, so thank you all for reading. I hope that I've entertained you, and I hope through my experiences, I've provided a little advice, a little laugh, and a lot of bad grammar!Thanks, love you all!

Crazy About Him

2006-05-03T14:11:00.000-07:00

When he looks at me with those big brown eyes I melt. I could never have imagined I would care about him so much. I think about him all the time, I'm so crazy about him. I know my friends get tired of me talking about him, but I can't help it.

I never would have guessed when I first met him that I would become this attached to him. I look so forward to seeing him every day when I get off work. He always makes me smile, and he always does something to make me laugh. No matter how bad of a mood I'm in, or how cranky I am, he brings me around.

He kisses me constantly, and he always snuggles when we lay down to go to bed at night. Now if only I could keep him from pooping in the floor and humping my boyfriends dog.

Financially Strapped

2006-05-02T13:59:00.000-07:00

I've always been so good managing my money. Granted when I have large unexpected bills my parents have always helped me out, but for the most part, I've always been a saver. I've always tried to watch what I buy, and spend smartly. However, I'm finding that I can no longer live the way I'm accustomed to, in fact I can barely live at all.

The worst part of this is, I am desperately searching for a house to buy. I am obviously not going anywhere outside of the LR area any time soon. There is no point spending so much money on rent when I could put it towards something, like a home to own. But this is easier said than done, and it looks as if I'm either going to be living in the ghetto, or quite a good driving distance from work. Either way, it's gonna suck. But, what's the point in pouring a ton of money into rent, I've done that for two and a half years.

Why do I have to move out of my cute little historic district house you ask? Because it's currently for sale, and an ex has decided he's interested in buying it. The ex is a nice guy, but I'm not real excited about the idea of him owning my house, having a key to my house, and basically being over control of my home. So, it's time to move.

So, while I'm looking for a new home for me and Louie V. I would much rather be strapped into a pair of sexy metallic sandals, instead of financially strapped.

For Fun And For Keeps?

2006-04-28T14:12:00.000-07:00

When in a relationship do you decide if it's for keeps or just for fun? I've always dated by the rule that it's one or the other. Meaning, it's either a fling, or understood that it's not really serious, or it's serious, and it could become something, a major something.

So when do you know and how do you decide? There are "those" people that say you just know when you know. Then there are other people that say it's something you learn and decide over time. Then there's me. I think if after a certain amount of time, you don't have fairly strong feelings for someone, that person doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated, and you can't really see yourself with that person if someone hotter, sexier, etc. comes along, then even though it might have started out for keeps, it's really just for fun. Better to get out now before feelings are hurt and lines are drawn. I've always thought this was how it worked, could I have been wrong about this all along?

I've started to wonder lately because I'm currently involved in something that is really fun, and I'm really enjoying it. However, it's not in a fling sort of way. We spend a lot of time together, and we have been "coupled" by our friends. So, could it be that when you find someone that is for keeps, it's also really fun? Huuuum, just when you think you've got something figured out, someone fun comes along that you might want to keep.

The "eX" Factor

2006-04-27T14:39:00.000-07:00

When you get to a certain age, you have a certain amount of ex's. Some of which you dated a few times, some of which you dated for quite a while, some you don't remember, and some you can't seem to forget or avoid for that matter.

No matter what, unless you move states and in some situations this doesn't even help, you always bump into an ex eventually. Hopefully it's pleasant for both people involved, namely the new person in your life. But it's not always an easy situation, and when this happens, what do you do?

Well as I've stated before, an ex is an ex for a reason. This is important to remember when dealing with and ex and a current at the same time. So, while I may not be the best judge of how to deal with an ex, I am a semi pro when it comes to ex's. I do have 100's, and that's not an exaggeration. The number one thing I remember when I bump into an ex with my current, is that it's not about me, it's about the current, and how he feels in the situation.

So, if you can't be civil around an ex, if he/she is just way to psycho, crazy, insert any word here that's a synonym, then just grab your current and do one of three things. Be polite, introduce them, and move along, lay a big one on the current, you know the type, the movie star kiss, the one that lets EVERYONE know you're together (either that or you're very hammered), or turn and run the other direction. Oh, and don't forget to drag your current with you, obviously if you leave the current, you may be the next ex.

The Big "O" Factor

2006-04-26T13:02:00.000-07:00

That's right ladies, it's time to talk about one of the most important things in a relationship. The big "O", you know what I'm talking about. The thing that can make or break a relationship, the thing that all women want, but sometimes aren't satisfied with, the thing that's not always as easy as it sounds, the illusive Openness Factor. (What did you think I was talking about? Get your mind out of the gutter!)

Just how open should a relationship be, once the relationship is closed? Meaning, once it's just you and your guy, how much information is to much? I've been wondering this lately as it's always been my custom not to lie, but maybe to omit things I don't think a guy necessarily needs to know. However, as I've learned in the past, honesty is the best, just beware of the brutal honesty.

The thing about honesty is, it's supposed to make you trust someone more, feel more comfortable. But for a realist, trying to be an optimist, sometimes openness makes me more nervous than just omitting details. So how open is to open?

I know, I bitch about telling the truth, and then when I get the truth, I get all nervous that I have something to worry about. Damned if you do and damned if you don't I suppose.

Live Music And Great Company

2006-04-25T11:59:00.000-07:00

Last night was the big night, the night I've been waiting for. I got to see my favorite band again, I got to see Cross Canadian Ragweed. The concert wasn't one of their best, but it was still a great time. To me, they are more fun to watch outdoors, or in a bar, this concert was on a college campus in the gym, not exactly the perfect venue them.

I was surprised they got to play "The Boys from OK", as it's basically about smoking the pot, but they got away with it, and the crowd went wild. They also played, "Constantly", "Dime Bag Daryl", "Number", "Fightn' For", "Carnie Man", "Alabama", "Rock and Roll" and they played some great guitar solo's. They really ripped it up!

I went with my good friend "The Hurricane", my new guy, and his roomie. I was surprised that my new guy knew so many CCR songs. I made him a CD a few weeks back so he would know some of the stuff they sang, but apparently he listed to it more than I thought. He kept saying, "Hey this is on my CD." It was a lot of fun, I just hope the next time we see CCR it's in Sticky Fingerz new building!

On another note, my new guy bought me a "small gift" yesterday. I always complain when we sit out on the porch and drink wine that I need to get a nice cork screw, mine is terrible. So he bought me a new one, how thoughtful is that? Huuuum, that's a little thing that makes a big impression.

Cleaning Up The Flood

2006-04-24T13:25:00.000-07:00

Well it happened, and it was wonderful. I was a little nervous, a little anxious, but he assured me it would be great. It was better than I thought, better than I expected. I don't know why I was so nervous. It was so good in fact, I've actually craved it a little, I want more, lasagna that is.

I cooked dinner for my new guy, and no one got food poison, I didn't set anything on fire, and the food was actually edible, and quite good might I add. His roomies showed up to eat, and thank goodness I cooked a huge pan of lasagna, because there was 5 of us. But the meal went off without a hitch, well almost. I did accidentally flood the new guys bathroom. And when I say flood, I mean 2 inches of water. It was terrible! I was so embarrassed. The good thing was, it flooded with a face wash towel, it could have been worse.

So right before dinner, when we should have been sipping wine and smelling the yummy marinara sauce, we were cleaning up water, and trying to find enough towels to handle the job, it took about 15. But he never got mad at me. He kept his cool, understood it was an accident, and told me to keep and eye on dinner and he would clean up the flood.

After dinner I thought about the fact that if I would have started a kitchen fire, we would have had enough water for a bucket bugrake! So while the night wasn't perfect, his attitude was, and that's what's important.

Dedicated to the Hurricane

2006-04-20T13:50:00.000-07:00

I've been spending quite a bit of time with him, as I stated yesterday. We have had a lot of fun, and I enjoy being around him. But I miss her, my best friend. I know she is still there for me, I know most the time she will answer my call (she usually doesn't hear her cell phone ring). I went over to visit with her and her mom this week, and I realized how much I've missed hanging out over there. So this blog is dedicated to her (and her mom too), because I want her to realize how much I miss her and how I won't turn into one of those girls that's never around because there is a guy in my life.

She lights up the room when she walks in, usually because she's the loudest person there.
She knows everyone at the party, some she likes, other she doesn't, but she won't put on airs.

She is always there to make me laugh or make me a drink.
She loves Vodka Tonic and much as I do I think.

She loves when I come over and cook her grilled cheese.
Then her mom says, light a cig and make me one please.

She has keyed terms like Ba-jammered.
This is the really drunk term for hammered.

She is thoughtful and usually patient, she is caring and kind.
However nice she is though, if you make fun of her feet she will kick your behind!

She treats her new friends and her old just the same.
This means the most to me since into the picture I just came.

I love and miss you dear friend (and mom) and I promise things won't change.
Sorry if I'm a terrible poet, and don't have much of a rhyming range!

Okay, I know that sucked, but I love ya, just wanted to remind ya. T-Storm

Is It Time?

2006-04-19T13:04:00.000-07:00

I think I really like him. It's been a month or so, and we've spent quite a bit of time together. We talk and laugh. He's taken me fishing twice, and to a southern girl living in a city, fishing is something I really miss. He doesn't lose his temper when I get hung up in four or five tree branches (at one time). He's impressed that I'm not scared to drive the boat across the main channel, and of course I would never be concerned about breaking a nail opening a can of beer. I think he likes this low maintenance side of me. And honestly I appreciate that I can just be myself around him.

So I'm starting to wonder, is it time? You know, time? I've put a lot of thought into it, and I really like him, but do I want to complicate things? I mean, he's never seen that side of me, am I ready for that? What if it's terrible and he decides he doesn't like me any more? What then? I just don't know, I've been thinking about it a lot. Actually, we have discussed it, and we have decided that tomorrow night is the night. It's gonna happen, I'm going to cook him dinner.

I brag because my little brother is a professional chef, like that is supposed to mean I'm a good cook or something. But I'm cooking him lasagna, and I’m pretty good at that. So hopefully it won't be terrible, no one will die from eating it, and we can get through this major milestone without any complication, nervousness, or kitchen fires. Wish me luck, I just might need it.

Southern Shower Etiquette

2006-04-18T11:34:00.000-07:00

While visiting my small southern town this weekend, some friends and I got to discussing shower etiquette, as in engagement, wedding, stock the bar, and baby showers. We have all been swamped with shower invites this year. So what is proper shower etiquette?

Obviously I could rush out and buy some book by some stuffy woman (probably from up north somewhere) that would tell me everything I need to know about a shower. But why do that? It's not like us southern girls are going to follow northern rules, we barely follow any rules. So based on the conversation we had this weekend, here is the conclusion we came to (mind you, I've never had any of the above showers, so I'm not a professional, but I've been to plenty, so this at least makes me semi-pro.

Southern Shower Rules of Etiquette

Etiquette Rule #1--If I am not in the wedding party, don't invite me to every damn shower you have. I prefer the crawfish boils and the stock the bar showers. I can't afford to come to every single shower, that gets expensive. So just invite me to the fun stuff please. (Okay, so these rules aren't ever going to be published in Better Homes, but at least I'm telling the truth)

Etiquette Rule #2--You don't have to have 15 showers to get all of the "loot" your little heart desires. Seriously, lets have about 5 maybe, and call it a day. I'm making this rule because once, as a bridesmaid, I was invited to 12 showers for the bride and groom. Do you know how many damn weekends that is? I barely got a day off from all of the crust-free cucumber sandwiches, and fruit punch. I don't mind going to a few showers on my Saturdays, but I would rather be out on the water getting a tan when it's warm out.

Etiquette Rule #3--When you are having your second baby, don't throw another baby shower. It's not fair to your friends. We have already sat through one (or sometimes more than one for you) of these showers, and no matter how much we like kids, we aren't having the time of our life. Not to mention it's just bad taste to have a dozen little rug rats and expect us to attend a baby shower for everyone of those little monkey's.

*Etiquette Rule #4--This is a touchy subject I know, but if you are having a "WHO'S YOUR BABY DADDY SHOWER", please invite only close, and I mean close, personal friends and family. I know I sound heartless, but I don't want to attend a baby shower, when a few months later I'm going to have to attend a "CONGRATS IT'S YOUR DNA" Party. I know this sounds far fetched, but trust me, it's happened. While I hate it for those involved, it's not my fault, and if we aren't that close, don't make me attend this event.

I can't tell you how many showers I've been to, but while trying to count them all, I came up with an idea. I think it should be a rule that if a sweet southern girl doesn't have her own showers by a certain age, she should be able to throw a few "I'M SINGLE AND LOVING IT" Showers. I mean, don't our married with kids friends owe it to us? I think so! These showers are to provide things like, nice stem ware, money for really nice trendy shoes , purses, and clothes, maybe money for a down payment on a sporty two seater car, you know, the important things a single girls needs. I think this is a great idea, in fact, I may just throw myself one in the next year or two. Anyone want to send me their address now? (It will help to plan early)

Love's Not Enough, This Time

2006-04-17T11:44:00.000-07:00

He told me all about his new life. I haven't talked to him, really talked to him in so long. So many things have changed. He is still my best friend, we still have our memories, but our future is a little more uncertain now. I used to think we would be friends forever. I used to think I would get married someday (many, many years down the road) and he would love my husband like he loves me. I used to think he would gat married someday to some sweet little thing who would love listening to us tell stories of our "younger days". I used to think the four of us would go on vacations together or out to eat when I returned to my small southern town. But now, I just don't think these things will happen.

Before I got out of the truck to go inside, I ask him what was wrong. I know him, I could tell something was bothering him. It took him a minute, then he looked me in the eyes and told me he was in love with me. He told me he wanted me to move home. He promised to find me a good job, one better than what I am doing now. He promised to love me forever if I would just come home to him. He needs me, he said, and he wants me to help him with his new responsibility. He told me he loved me, he was in love with me.

But this time, I have to do this for me. I'm happy, I'm settled, and I'm dating someone. I have wonderful friends, a great job, and stability here. I can't move home, change my whole life, and try to be happy. I know me, I can't do it. I want him to be happy more than anything, but I can't be that person that makes him happy. I love him, I will always love him, he is my best friend. But this time, love is not enough.

It's Been To Long

2006-04-13T12:08:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited to see him tomorrow, it's been to long. I've been waiting, hoping that he would get to make this trip. We've talked about it so much, but with his crazy schedule, it's not easy to make time for each other. His life is so unpredictable that it's unusual for him to get much free time. He thought about driving, but decided to fly so we would have more time.

We talk as much as we can, not daily, but often. He usually calls late when he's been out with his friends or working. He always tells me he loves me and he misses me. It always makes me smile. I miss him too, it's hard not having him closer. I wonder about what he's doing and if he's happy. I wonder about when we will get to see each other again.

He's making his own life. He's tried for so long, worked so hard, and he is finally making things happen. He's working hard, he's meeting the right people, he's making new friends, he's making me proud of him. He has it together, and he's trying to keep it that way. As successful as I know he will be someday, I know he won't forget about the people that love him the most, he won't forget about me. We've had our ups and downs, but I have a feeling things will stay good with us now. I can't wait to see him, it's been to long.

I'm picking him up at the airport tomorrow, and we are going home, home to our small southern town, how to our parents, and home to our high school friends. My little brother is coming home.
~I doubt I will post again until after Easter, have a great weekend lovelies!

Just 11 Days

2006-04-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

Just 11 days until she gets what she's been wanting since last June. Just 11 days, and she will get her fix again. If she can only wait just 11 more days, she will be satisfied once again.

The first time was like a dream. She wasn't prepared for how she would feel when it was over. The first time, that night, changed her life. She lost something that w as so important to her, but she gained something she would never forget. Now it's just 11 days away, and she will get it again.

She's waited almost a year for it, and in just 11 days she will get to hear the words that will be music to her ears.

Set 1/Cross Canadian Ragweed

"Rock & Roll"
"17"
"Number"
"Sick and Tired"
"Constantly"
"Light House Keeper"
"Cold Hearted Woman"
"Broken"
"Fightn' For"
"Boys from Oklahoma"

And the bonus, they are playing with Dierks Bentley!!!

Caught My Attention

2006-04-11T12:47:00.000-07:00

As are most southern girls, I am very diverse. I love designer clothes, although they are not always in my budget. I love to get all dressed up in pretty gowns and drink expensive champagne. I love to ride in nice cars, eat at nice restaurants. But these things only make me happy on special occasions. I couldn't imagine living this life all the time. (Good thing, I doubt I will ever have this kind of lifestyle, and that's fine with me. )

What I really like, is a simple, no fuss date, especially if it's not the first date. I had one of these last Saturday. I went on a fishing date all afternoon. A cooler of beer, a nice boat, his dog, and some good company. That's all I needed to enjoy the beautiful weather.

Growing up in a small southern town, fishing is a way of life. It was rare growing up to miss a warm Sunday afternoon on the river. That's one of the things I miss the most about home. In fact, I missed it so much last summer that I went home several weekends just to go out on the river with my friends. So you can imagine my excitement when he ask me if I wanted to go fishing with him!

We caught a few fish, caught a buzz, but mostly he caught my attention. He actually caught my eye over a month ago, but I learned a lot more about him after six hours in a boat. And I must say, I like what I learned.

We had planned on getting cleaned up and going out to dinner. But, honestly, I didn't want to go get all dressed up and go to dinner. I had enjoyed my low key day to much. I just wanted to get a burger, maybe play some pool, and relax. When I shared this idea with him, I think he was just as excited about the low key evening as I was. He beat me two of four pool games, and I gave him a dart game, but the company was great, the food was yummy, and the beer was cold. It was a perfect end to a perfect, low key, day of fishing.

And that my friends, is how you catch a southern girl, oh, and a few bass too!

The Boyfriend Election

2006-04-10T11:05:00.000-07:00

So it's election time again here in Arkansas. The primary is in May, and the political signs are going up all over the state. I love this time of year. The weather gets warmer, the days get longer, and the politicians get busier. Yesterday I went for a nice long run, the weather was perfect. As I ran past dozens of yard signs advertising this candidate or that, it got me to thinking about dating and elections. Is dating, like an election, were the best "man-i-date" wins?

It's pretty common for me to have more than one man in the race, so to speak. I usually date a couple of guys here or there, until I decide which one I like the best, then I quit dating the others, much like an election. However, what makes me chose this one particular guy?

Does he get the popular vote? I like him the most because he's cute, nice, polite, and my friends like him?

Do I like him because he runs on the issues? We have a lot in common; same religion, same basic views, same kind of childhood, etc.

Do I like him because he raises the most money, *I know gag*? (i.e. he spends lots of money on me--for the record I can't ever remember liking a guy for this reason)

Or do I like him because he's the loose cannon of the election? I never know what he's going to do next, he might have a bit of a wild side, and we don't have much in common.

I've thought about all of these reasons why I might like one guy over the next, and I can't seem to nail down one particular trend for choosing. Unlike my voting style, my dating style seems to be bi-partisan.

And She Still Rushes Around

2006-04-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

She had everything ready when the guests arrived. The shrimp was perfect, the chicken breasts where great, she had opted for french fries the way he liked them, instead of the smashed garlic potatoes she had planned on. The wine was chilled, the beer was ice cold, and the birthday cake was delicious. It had been a great night. The party had stretched into the early hours of the morning. And everyone had agreed that they needed to get together again soon.

That had been a year ago. Her relationship with him had long since changed. Just a few months after his birthday, he had moved on. She had gone her own way, and to her surprise, as much as she had thought she liked him, it only took her about five minutes to get over him. How strange she thought. This was the beginning of her newest panic. What if she had become incapable of really caring about a guy? What if her new mentality was that all guys were replaceable? This frightened her.

For several months after their "thing" ended, she wondered what had happened. Then a strange thing happened, he began calling her chatting with her about nothing at all. They talked like old friends. They really didn't bring up the past much, and it was nice. Although she knew it was strange, she no longer had those feelings for him. She really thought of him as just a friend. She wondered if it was possible for two people to really become/stay friends after a breakup.

Now as she rushes around, doing the things that have become routine to her, she doesn't think about him. She thinks about her life, and herself.

Unstable Constants

2006-04-06T07:15:00.000-07:00

Certain things in her life had always been constant, she had always counted on them to be unchanging. But now, she wasn't so sure she should have counted on these things. So much had changed for her, in just a year, everything she had relied on, was not so reliable anymore. She had never liked change, in fact she hated it, but this was different. It wasn't just the change, it was the loss that was difficult for her to deal with.

The first thing she remembers losing, that would eventually be the beginning of a lot of other lost things, was him. She had been with him for so long, through so much, that when their relationship ended, it was hard for her to believe it was actually over. He had been such a big part of her life, and he had been there for her when she had really needed him. She had come to rely on him, she needed him, he was her strength. But, after just a short time of being single, she realized that he wasn't as great as she had first thought. He had lied to her about so much, and she had listened and defended him when her friends tried to tell her the truth. It didn't take her long to find her new nitch in a new town after the breakup.

She fell right back in with the two girls that had been so important to her during her first two years of college. For the next year and a half these girls were inseparable. They were constant, everyone knew when they saw one, the other two were close behind. They were the best of friends, it was just like college days. Chasing boys, staying out too late, going to concerts, dancing, but something was different about her. She no longer relied on someone to make her happy, she was happy with who she was. She loved her two friends, but she didn't have to have them. When there friendship came to a crashing halt, she was sad to see the friends go, but she also knew that what had caused it, she had not been part of. She tried to reconcile things, but when they refused, she realized their friendship had not been as strong as she had first thought. She would always love her two friends, but she would be fine without them. She moved on, and she was fine with that.

She had just moved back to town, after a summer of chasing her dream. She was ready to get back to normal, and get back in a routine with her life. Her best friend guy friend from home couldn't have been happier. He didn't want her to move to North Carolina in the first place, so when she said she was coming home, he was ecstatic. When she got back to her small southern town, they rode the back roads with a 12 pak and talked about life. He confided in her that his life was about to take some major changes. She was devastated, but they made a promise that no matter what happened to and around them, they would not change. They would always be best friends and they would always be there for each other, no matter what. That was nine months ago.

Things didn't change gradually for them, it happened all at once. She realized that even though there was no huge fallout, no fight, she had lost him just like she had lost her college girlfriends. She missed him so much, she called and tried to keep some normalcy about it, but he was never the same with her. She never saw him, they rarely talked on the phone, even her e-mails were rarely returned. Things had changed, and she couldn't change them back. He had once told her that she would always be number one with him, and he would always love her. At the time she was happy about the promise, but she also knew that eventually he would start a family, and while they would always be friends, she would move down his list of priorities. She was fine with that, she just didn't expect for it to happen so soon.

She misses him every day. He used to be the guy she would call to gush about her latest crush or complain about the most recent jerk she dated. He used the be the guy who would drink beer and throw darts with her when she was back in her small southern town. He used to be her constant, her best friend. Now, their friendship is unstable at best. She knows that she can't change it, and she won't fight it, there is nothing she can do. Just like everything in life, there are things that are constant, and there are things that are unstable. At least she is stable, and constantly content.

As She Rushes Around

2006-04-05T14:46:00.000-07:00

As she rushes from place to place she thinks of all the things she has to do today. She wants to make the grilled shrimp she used to make in college. She knows how good the garlic smashed potatoes will be, but they will take to long. Her heal just broke, so she is off to the mall for some new cute shoes. This birthday party is wearing her thin.

Thank goodness she made appetizers last night, and the wine, well hopefully it will be chilled in time. She also needs to pick up beer, she knows the guys will expect Miller. The dry cleaners are holding her favorite tank hostage, she has to get by there before they close. There might just be time to wrap his gifts.

As she rushes around she thinks of how happy he will be when everyone shows up, she has worked on this surprise for a couple of weeks. She even ordered his favorite cake. She is such a good girlfriend she thinks, as she rushes around. Hopefully she will have enough time to take a shower and look cute, hopefully.

Just When

2006-04-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

Just when she thinks that's it, he calls. She tells herself that she shouldn't answer the phone, it's late, and she has to work the next day. For anyone else, she wouldn't answer it, but it's him. She can't help it, for now, she wants to know what he wants. The only way she can find out is by answering the phone. She looks at her clock, the phone keeps ringing, it's almost 4:30am. She can't help herself, she wants to hear his voice.

He tells her he misses her. He's sorry he hasn't gotten to talk to her in so long. She just listens, just his voice brings her happiness. He says he knows he's upset her, and he promises to make it up. She wonders how he plans on doing that. As he tells her the things she wants to hear, she drifts back to her memories of him. They talk for a while longer, then he says it's late and he should get some rest. They hang up, and she knows it maybe forever before she hears from him again. It may be never. She tries to fall back asleep, but she can't, she can't clear her mind of him.

Days go by and she doesn't hear from him. She thinks about him, she even calls him and leaves him a message about some good news she has gotten. He's silent, and she knows nothing of how or where he is.

Just when she thinks that's it, he writes. He sends her a sweet message telling her that he knows how she is feeling. He says he knows she is trying to forget him, and he knows that she is everything to him. But, she knows it's almost 4am when he sends the message, and he may not have really meant all he said. Days go by, she gets another message from him. It's rushed and not really personal, and he knows it.

Just when she thinks that's it, it is. She hasn't heard from him now, really heard from him, in a while. She knows he's busy, she knows she can't compete with the other things going on in his life. She just thought it might be just a little more like what he promised, and just a little less like the negative thoughts she's had the whole time.

The strange thing is, while she's sad, she's also really happy..for him. It's bittersweet. So what should she do now? She's never sat home willing her phone to ring, she still goes out and has fun and meets new people. But for some reason she always has him in the back of her mind. She should forget him, she is really trying to just forget him. She knows it's time to just let it go.

What Finger Is This?

2006-04-03T14:36:00.000-07:00

I spend a lot of time discussing how boys behave, but I rarely talk about how girls act. I had quite the experience this past weekend. Now first, let me just say that I am not going to pretend that girls are nice people. We are not! We are mean, catty, conniving, bitchy, uncontrollable, snotty, basically insert any verb that is negative.

My best friend threw a party this weekend for her best friend, and it basically turned into a _______(insert any negative verb) fest. I felt so bad for my friend. She worked her butt off on that party, she spent a ton of money, and the majority of the people at the party treated her awful. And, apparently this rudeness was transferred to me also.

There was just a small group of girls that were nice to me. Apparently, I'm not as welcome in that "circle of friends" as I thought. Funny how that happens. However, happy go lucky me didn't care a bit, not even when one of the guests (drunk and disorderly as she was) walked right up to me, flipped me off, and then said, "Hey Anne, what finger is this"? I should have knocked her out, but I'm a lady, and was also a guest at the party. So instead I looked her square in the eye and said, "I think it's the middle one". (I had to laugh, it was so pathetic) Later, once I had time to think about it, I should have come up with a better line. Something more "Anneish", I should have said, "Oh my gosh, you want to do me too"? But, the witty words were lost on me that night.

I made it through the night just fine. But my best friend, she really got her feelings hurt. And that makes me more mad than hearing another guest at the party call me a--okay I know how mature this sounds *as I roll my eyes*--hoochie. I mean come on. How childish. But it didn't hurt my feelings, because I know I have more class than to cause a scene. I just wish, for my friends sake, the party would have gone smoother. So I wonder, why do girls tear each other down to build themselves up?

The Night She Lost It

2006-03-31T11:10:00.000-08:00

She had been waiting on this night for so long. She had thought about it so many times as she laid in bed trying to fall asleep. She knew this was going to be a major turning point in her life, she knew this night might change her forever.

She must have changed clothes a hundred times that night. She contemplated a skirt, but settled on jeans. She wanted to be comfortable, but she wanted to look good too. At the last minute, right before she walked out the door, she added her favorite belt, the brown one with the big, silver, square buckles. The belt hung low on her hips, it looked just how it always did. Perfect.

Two hours later, it was exactly how she thought it would be. She'd had a couple of Miller's, she was relaxed, she was ready to have a good time. She wanted to hear the words she'd longed to hear. She wanted her body to be completely exhausted, she wanted to be sweaty, and have that glow that she had waited so long for.

Half way through she knew this was one of the best nights of her life. She was in a complete trance, she didn't hear anything or see anything but them. As she twirled around and shook her hips, she was in Heaven.

She finished her third beer, and realized it was her turn to buy a round. As she walked to the bar, regretful to leave the close proximity of the stage, she realized her life had just changed. She lost something that was very important to her. She panicked a little as she realized the significance of it. She knew she would never get it back. It wasn't something she would be able to find, it was gone. And even her surroundings couldn't change the fact that she was a little sad to see it go. She had held on to it for so long, it had been a major part of her life.

As she walked back towards them, her mood lightened. She was at the best concert she had ever been to. As the band began playing "Boys From Oklahoma" she realized, she would replace her lost belt somehow, some way.

Anonymity Knows Me Well

2006-03-30T11:43:00.000-08:00

The following was written as an anonymous comment this morning. I don't know who wrote it, but it must be someone who knows me well. It's very fitting and very much me. Thanks to whoever wrote it, don't be a stranger, sign your work. I would really like to know who did this for me.
Thanks so much!
Love, Anne

Ode to Anne

Your mother shared it with you... when you were just a little girl.
You were friends with it when life was fresh in your own.... little world.
You shared it with your baby doll, little brother and your jacks and ball
Still you’re the only one that can make the call...
Do you hum along with it or sing the song…..

It’s made you laugh and it’s made you want to cry...
It’s always there to count on...it’s as big as the blue sky
It left its mark to tell the time...through hard rock, rap and country time
And when the fading day is almost through
You will know if you should rock or sing the blues

You’ve shared it with your girlfriends and even driving all alone
From Arkansas to Nashville until Missouri you’d come home...
It’s held your hand when a loved one’s died, to help you cope and reason why
Still you’re the only one that can read the sign...
Will it be the first hello or the last goodbye

It’s made you laugh and it’s made you want to cry...
It’s always there to count on... it’s as big as the blue sky...
It left its mark to tell the time….through gospel , punk and miller time...
And when the fading day is almost through
You will know if you should rock or sing the blues

This Is What I've Needed

2006-03-29T14:22:00.000-08:00

As I close my eyes and listen, I can hear it relaxing me. I lay back and listen to that voice I haven't heard in awhile. I take a deep breath and feel my tensions melt, it's been to long.

This is what I've needed. Why have I gone so long without it? I crave it now. I've always had a connection to it, but now I need it all the time. It does so many wonderful things for me.

It takes me back to memories of easier days. It makes me laugh and cry at the same time. It makes me remember that drive, it makes me remember that day. It makes me miss things I don't have any longer.

I miss it, I miss the love of my life.

And Not A Word Was Said

2006-03-28T12:49:00.000-08:00

As she pulled out of the driveway that day, she knew it would be the last time she saw him that way. She may bump into him in the future, she may hear his name, but it would never be the same.

Before she left she had the guts to ask him when she would see him again. He didn't say anything, he just looked at her and gave her a hug.

She knew that she had made the right decision. She knew that deep down he didn't care about her, he just liked the idea of her. But she also knew that to much had passed, to much had changed, she had stayed to long.

He would never look at her in the same light, he would never wonder about her, he knew her now. Or at least he thought he did. But what he didn't know was just how wrong about her he was.

As she drove home that day she wondered if she would ever hear from him again. Probably not. But either way, she wished him the best. She knew when she ask him when, and not a word was said.

5 Hours And Just A Breath Away

2006-03-27T13:32:00.000-08:00

I spent a three day weekend with him. I got to meet his friends and people he has gotten to know. I got to see what it's like to be with him. I had a great time, actually a better time than I thought I would. I fell for the way he treated me. How he introduced me to everyone. He held my hand and was affectionate in public. He did the things I love and never seem to find.

The weekend seemed to last forever and it seemed to fly by at the same time. My stay wasn't near long enough, but it was just the right amount of time for me to realize a few things. I would love to just close my eyes and fall back with him, but I know I can't do that. I keep fighting it. I'm a realist, I know there is a small chance I will see him again. I haven't even talked to him since I left yesterday. I don't know if I ever will again. I hate that thought, but at the same time, I will always remember him the way he was this past weekend, and that will always be a good memory.

Depending on his future, which I hope is bright and successful, he may be just 5 hours away, but I wish it was more like just a breath away.

I Keep Telling Myself

2006-03-22T12:48:00.000-08:00

Relax and breath, I keep telling myself that. This has disaster written all over it, but don’t worry Anne, it won't hurt if you don't get attached. It's just for fun, not for keeps Anne. I keep telling myself that.

I try to think about all of the things I've written about in the past. I think about how I'm an unattainable spinster, about how I look at life like a man, about how I'm a speed dater. I try to think of these things, and not think about him. But I just don't think it's working, I didn't get what I wanted, or at least I haven't gotten it yet.

I can't help but like him, he's so sweet. He says the right things, he's fun, he's different. He's also unattainable, I keep telling myself that.

The Wild Weekend

2006-03-21T13:56:00.000-08:00

Since St. Pats Day fell on a Friday this year, it made for a crazy weekend. I spent Friday night in the River Market in LR, and Saturday I drove to Memphis to stay with my favorite cousin, and go to the Kid Rock concert. So the weekend was action packed.

Friday night saw to many vodka tonics. It was crazy crowded at the bar, but we had a great time anyway.

Saturday we got to Memphis and started in on the Green Monsters (A drink my cousin invented, Stone Vodka, tonic water, and Sour Apple Flavoring). We went down to Beale and ate at the Mexican/Italian Pizza Taco place. They even have shrimp cocktail, what a combination. I think this may be my new favorite place to eat in Memphis. We went to the concert and it was WILD. The cheap (actually very expensive) beer was flowing. We had seats way up in the rafters, but we didn't care. We could hear the music, see Kid Rock, and feel the heat from the pyrotechnics. It was quite a show. My guy friends with us had more interest in the 4 stripers (complete with striper poles) Kid Rock has on state at all times, then they did the rest of the show.

After the concert we planned on going to Kid Rocks after party, but we didn't make it. We went to several mid-town divers, and it was great. We played Shuffle Board, drank real cheap beer, and had some great Cheeseburgers (drunk food). We got home around 4:30 am (for the second night in a row). I was completely worn out on Sunday.

This coming weekend I am planning a trip to Nashville to see my friend Shy. He has to make it through round two of Nashville Star, which is tonight. If he makes it to next week, I'm off to NV on Friday morning. Don't forget to go vote for him if you get a chance, and check out the show. He is singing "Sweet Home Alabama" tonight, it's gonna rock!

http://www.usanetwork.com/series/nashvillestar/

Rekindled Friendship

2006-03-17T11:34:00.000-08:00

Last summer before I moved to Charlotte I went to see my favorite band, Cross Canadian when they came to LR. Of course CCR was awesome, but the band that opened for them, Shy Blakeman and Whiskey Fever, rocked also. The lead singer had so much energy. He was so much fun to watch, and when they covered Marshall Tucker, the crowd went wild. It was great. After the show I met Shy, and we got to talking. We ended up spending they next couple of hours hanging out, talking, drinking, and two-stepping. I had such a good time. We exchanged numbers and talked for the next couple of weeks.

Then one afternoon I returned a missed call from him only to have his girlfriend yell at me. I didn't know he had a girlfriend, I was a little surprised, but I was more upset because I knew I would miss my new friend. Shy said we couldn't talk any more while his girlfriend yelled in the back ground that I better not call him again. So I never called him again, and he never tried to contact me either.

Then while flipping through the channels on Tuesday night, I saw Shy. He is a contestant on Nashville Star this season. I was so surprised, I ended up watching the whole show. It wasn't really my kind of thing, but Shy's performance was great. I decided it had been long enough. Girlfriend or not, I was at least going to e-mail him and tell him congrats. So I did just that, yesterday. He e-mailed me back and apologized for that day and that now ex-girlfriend. He said he felt really bad about all of that and he hoped we could be friends again. So, we have rekindled our friendship. It's so strange, because it's like we have been friends this whole time, like we haven't missed a thing. We've talked on the phone several times, and I just may go to Nashville next weekend and see him.

So, this is a shameless plug, please go vote for him if you get a chance. He is very talented, and fun to watch. He deserves to stick around for awhile and show people what he can do!!!
http://www.usanetwork.com/series/nashvillestar/

MySpace, My New Favorite Place

2006-03-15T12:54:00.000-08:00

I just got Myspace a few weeks ago. Okay, I love it!!! It's such a great, easy way to stay caught up with friends. It's fun to find people you haven't talked to forever, see their pictures, their pages, their comments about themselves. What a great invention. I mean seriously, how fun!!!

I do have a few concerns though. Fist of all, anyone can see when you're on-line (I'm sure there is a way around this, I just don't know it yet). This sort of freaks me out because it's almost like an invasion of privacy. Also, I don't like getting request to add from people I don't know, or people I don't want to add. If I don't add someone, they can totally go to my page and see that I didn't add them. That sort of makes me nervous, I don't want to put people on there just for the sake of having more people. I want to have my friends, cute boys, that type of thing, not random people that I'm not friends with.

Even with these reservations, I still love myspace, it's my new favorite place.

If you don't have myspace, you should definitely get it. www.myspace.com