Terrible, Humorous Date #1

Between my disastrous relationships I often have even more disastrous first and only dates. For some people, going on one awful date after another can be daunting and even depressing. But for me, it's humorous, and gives me something to tell my girl friends, who, have told me numerous times, that I must write these crazy stories down. One such disastrous, humorous date occurred on Valentines Day last year. The guy, correction, boy that I went out with (poor thing), had the worst luck imaginable.

I met him at a bar one night when I was out with the girls, he bought us a round of drinks. He seemed very sweet, was super cute, a great dresser, and was very athletic. I gave him my number later that evening, and he called just a few days later. It was two weeks until Valentines Day when he ask me out. However, he didn't want to go out until V Day, because he said he thought it would be more special if our first date was on Feb. 14th. I didn't really like this idea, to much pressure, and two whole weeks before I was to hang out with this cutie again. But I agreed, and we talked quite a bit for the next week and a half.

Well eventually I got bored with talking to him every day. I was ready to see him in person, this in turn caused me to lose interest all together. I no longer wanted to go out with him. In fact, I wanted to go to the movies with my group of girl friends that night, eats lots of buttery popcorn, and not think about getting dressed up and going out on a date. When discussing this dilemma with my female co-workers, they assured me that a free dinner with a cute guy would be worth missing out on extra buttered, calorie loaded, popcorn. After much debate with the boy, it was decided that he would pick me up at 6:30 and we would go eat seafood. It was also decided that it would be a casual dinner with casual attire. To me casual means slacks and a sweater. To him it meant ripped up jeans, sneakers, and a sweat shirt. Huuuum….this should have been my first clue that maybe he wasn't as old as he said he was.

When I got in his car I noticed that it smelled suspiciously like the strong smoke smell I once encountered at a Ludicrous concert. Could it be that my date got high before he picked me up? I decided to pretend like I didn't notice, but I did roll the window down for the drive. Upon arriving at the restaurant, we learned that without reservations, the wait would be at least two hours. Well, we where off to a good start, I had inhaled so many smoke fumes in his car I was ready to eat three pounds of Cheeto's and I would have to wait for at least two hours. However, in the meantime, I ordered a glass of wine and tried to figure out how to explain to the dry cleaners that I always wore pink and brown pin stripped pants and a cashmere sweater to a Ludicrous concert.

The conversation flowed pretty good until he said something about homework. HOMEWORK?? Excuse me?? Apparently he let it slip that he was still in college. Not a problem, surely he was working on his masters. Nope, he was actually a sophomore, and he was actually only 20, which is why he actually told he bar tender he had left his id in the car. I have never had a problem with age difference, but like I've said before, I do have a problem with lying. Still, I didn't want to get upset and ruin the night, so I just acted like it wasn't a big deal.

Not long after I finished my first glass of wine, a very high ranking state official stopped by the bar to say hello to me. I work in the same building and often run into him, so it was not uncommon to exchange pleasantries when I saw he and his wife out. However it was uncommon for me to smell like a big joint, and I'm sure he noticed my new perfume, and headed to the closest vending for some munchies after talking with me. At this point during the evening I was starting to get uncomfortable, but still, it was Valentines Day, so I remained calm.

When we finally did get to eat dinner, I ordered off the V Day special menu, so my food would come quicker. I ordered the cheapest thing offered, because the boy I was out with had explained (over my second glass of wine), that he was actually struggling to make enough money to pay tuition, his parents weren't helping him, and he lived with 4 other guys in a 2 bedroom house just so he could afford rent. How terrible for him, I was lucky that my parents paid for my college and all I had to concentrate on was getting good grades. -Yes I know I am spoiled-

When we finished dinner and the boy gave the waiter his credit card to pay the check I finally began to feel more relaxed, it could have been the three glasses of wine, or it could have been the fact that I knew I would be at home soon. Or so I thought! The boy wanted to go see a movie. I was not interested in that idea at all, but it was V Day, so what the hell right?

We waited for a good twenty minutes before the waiter came back with the credit card and check. It had been declined, the waiter said he even called the company for the boy. No go. So the boy jumped up and went to call the company himself. At this time the waiter offered me another glass of wine, or some dessert perhaps. I knew I was going to be paying the check, so I settled for a glass of water. About a half hour later the boy came back, ask me if I could pay the tab, and assured me he would pay me back. He even promised to go straight to the ATM. I paid the check, taking special notice that my meal was under $30 while my date had steak and lobster at $80.

When we left the restaurant, and got back into the Cheech and Chong Mobile, strangely enough the boy didn't say a word. He drove me straight to my apt. and told me that he would have to bring me the money later he had forgotten his ATM card. Big Surprise!! I went directly inside and threw up. And I continued to throw up for the next eight hours. Turns out I had gotten food poison, maybe I shouldn't have ordered the $24 sea bass. The perfect end to the perfect night!!

The next day I drug myself to work. All of my female co-workers where waiting to see how my evening went. I've never heard such laughter as I gave them the play by play. Although I did get several bags of Cheato's as gifts from them for the next week! When I got home from work that day I was surprised by a vase of flowers on my door step. The boy had sent me flowers and ask me out again. But the funny thing was there was no money en the envelope. So, I called him to thank him, but told him I didn't think we should go out again.
This was just one of many crazy dates I've been on in the past two years. I've gone on a lot of first dates, and from the above read, it's obvious why. I attract the crazies, or at least that's what I've been told. Crazy they may be, but good stories they definitely make!