The One Who Keeps Coming Back After He Never Called Again

Why is it that if you act like you don't care after a break up, the other person just keeps coming back?

I dated this guy for a few months. Now I know a few months hardly constitutes a "serious" relationship. But it was different with us. He moved to the town I was living in, I helped him move into a house. I met his parents, and a lot of his other family members. It seemed great, it seemed like something that was going to really last. I let my guard down quite a bit, but I never really trusted him. I never felt completely comfortable. Still, the first time I saw him, I knew I wanted to go out with him, somehow I knew that he would impact my life. My grandfather had just died quite suddenly, and I was still reeling from that. Actually I was still in shock, this might have had something to do with why I was so attracted to this guy (just kidding). He did come into my life at just the right time though. Right when I needed someone to take my mind off of family stuff and sadness (this was my second funeral in a week, I had lost a great aunt, my grandfathers sister just a week before he passed).

At first everything was great. He was very attentive, he was sweet, and I was a great girlfriend. Any time I would leave town, he would go out with his buddies and get wild and crazy. I would never get upset in the least, but I never trusted that he was being faithful. Call it past experience, or a great intuition, but I just felt like something wasn't there. After a couple of months of bliss, the newness faded, and it really wasn't much fun any more. He was working all the time, we never really saw each other, and I was bored with my life. So one Friday when he never called, I went out with my friends, had my own wild and crazy night, and just figured we where finished. {Now to most it might sound like I am being a little hasty. However, I had quickly learned from his friends that when they no longer wanted to date a girl, no matter how long the relationship, or how serious, they simply never called her again. Ever! They talked about her and made fun of her to their other buddies when she would call and leave messages on their cell phones, but they would never, ever, call her again.} The next evening, he called. I never acted like I was upset about the night before, I never mentioned it, and neither did he. He told me he was getting off work, and that he would call me and we would go eat dinner. I had already made plans to go out with some friends, but I didn't say a word about that to him. I didn't cancel my plans though. Somehow I knew he wouldn’t call back. By 9:15, I knew it was to late to eat dinner, I still hadn't heard from him, so I proceeded on with my evening. I went out with some girlfriends, and we had a blast. I was a little upset that he treated me exactly the same way his friends had treated their past girlfriends, but for him it was to be expected. He promised me several times that if he ever decided he didn't want to date me any more, he would at least tell me, he wouldn’t just blow me off. But, I knew better, he was a lot like his friends, I knew what to expect with him.

Fast forward two and a half months. I was leaving to move to NC in a few days, and there was a great band playing at my favorite local bar, so my girlfriends and I, along with a guy I had sort of been seeing and his friends all met up at the bar that night. Of course the ex was there, but I wasn't bothered (this was the first time I had seen him since he never called again). I had my great friends, my cutie new crush, and all of his friends with me. I was ready to have fun and dance the night away. I wasn't, however, ready for what happened next. As our small group was standing around waiting on beers, my date noticed a t-shirt this guy was wearing that read, "I'd rather be in hell than Texas". Well, my date, being from TX, thought this was great. He grabbed the guys arm (the guy being much, much smaller than my date) and turned him towards me saying, "can you believe this guys t-shirt". At this point I looked up and was staring right into the face of my ex, and his t-shirt (my date had no idea we used to date, or that we even knew each other). It was perfect. My ex was clearly surprised to see me, and to see that I was on a date. It was the perfect closure for me. After some awkward conversation with the ex, I danced the night away with my group of friends, and went home happy, and a little tipsy!

Then he called. At about 2:30 that morning. He called to tell me that I had a few things at his house and he would be happy to give them back to me because they where mine and he wanted to see me again. I was not surprised, I had seen his friends get drunk and do the exact same thing to their ex's. But I was not one of their ex's, I knew how to handle this situation. I thanked him for offering, but assured him I had already replaced the things I had left at his house. I told him to keep them, but thanks for phone call. He was very surprised that I didn't seem to care, that I was polite, but short with him, and he wished me good luck in NC then hung up.

When I moved back to AR, a friend of mine, who just happens to live with a friend of the ex, let it slip that I was back in town. So of course the ex started contacting me again. We agreed to meet for lunch one day, and have talked on the phone a few times. He calls occasionally, we talk, catch up, but never see each other, or make plans to. It's very strange since we only live a few miles from each other. I don't mind him calling. It doesn't mess with my head, or lead me on. I don't sit by the phone hoping he'll call. He's invited me over to his house for a party once, but I was out of town.

Now, for the record, the ex is very prideful. He listens to his friends, and he rarely does anything that they would rag him about. (i.e. getting back with someone he used to date) His friends are all alike, they all treat girls basically the same, they are all pretty much in the same place in their lives. They like to get what they can from girls, they don't want any type of commitment, and they don't care if they hurt someone's feelings.

So I do wonder, in relationships, how come one person always seems to keep coming back. It's been like this in almost every relationship I've been in. It's never cut and dry, it's never over when it's over. It always drags on until some monumental thing happens, then, finally, it's OVER. I have several theories as to why this sometimes happens.
1. The ex sees that I am doing just fine, and he is drawn back to me because I am not F'ed up over him.
2. The ex sees that I have gotten closure, and even though he is the one that basically ended it (even though we never did in so many words), he needs the same closure that I have found.
3. The ex always wants what he wants when he wants it. Although he is okay with hurting peoples feelings to get it.
4. The ex is horny!