Unstable Constants

Certain things in her life had always been constant, she had always counted on them to be unchanging. But now, she wasn't so sure she should have counted on these things. So much had changed for her, in just a year, everything she had relied on, was not so reliable anymore. She had never liked change, in fact she hated it, but this was different. It wasn't just the change, it was the loss that was difficult for her to deal with.

The first thing she remembers losing, that would eventually be the beginning of a lot of other lost things, was him. She had been with him for so long, through so much, that when their relationship ended, it was hard for her to believe it was actually over. He had been such a big part of her life, and he had been there for her when she had really needed him. She had come to rely on him, she needed him, he was her strength. But, after just a short time of being single, she realized that he wasn't as great as she had first thought. He had lied to her about so much, and she had listened and defended him when her friends tried to tell her the truth. It didn't take her long to find her new nitch in a new town after the breakup.

She fell right back in with the two girls that had been so important to her during her first two years of college. For the next year and a half these girls were inseparable. They were constant, everyone knew when they saw one, the other two were close behind. They were the best of friends, it was just like college days. Chasing boys, staying out too late, going to concerts, dancing, but something was different about her. She no longer relied on someone to make her happy, she was happy with who she was. She loved her two friends, but she didn't have to have them. When there friendship came to a crashing halt, she was sad to see the friends go, but she also knew that what had caused it, she had not been part of. She tried to reconcile things, but when they refused, she realized their friendship had not been as strong as she had first thought. She would always love her two friends, but she would be fine without them. She moved on, and she was fine with that.

She had just moved back to town, after a summer of chasing her dream. She was ready to get back to normal, and get back in a routine with her life. Her best friend guy friend from home couldn't have been happier. He didn't want her to move to North Carolina in the first place, so when she said she was coming home, he was ecstatic. When she got back to her small southern town, they rode the back roads with a 12 pak and talked about life. He confided in her that his life was about to take some major changes. She was devastated, but they made a promise that no matter what happened to and around them, they would not change. They would always be best friends and they would always be there for each other, no matter what. That was nine months ago.

Things didn't change gradually for them, it happened all at once. She realized that even though there was no huge fallout, no fight, she had lost him just like she had lost her college girlfriends. She missed him so much, she called and tried to keep some normalcy about it, but he was never the same with her. She never saw him, they rarely talked on the phone, even her e-mails were rarely returned. Things had changed, and she couldn't change them back. He had once told her that she would always be number one with him, and he would always love her. At the time she was happy about the promise, but she also knew that eventually he would start a family, and while they would always be friends, she would move down his list of priorities. She was fine with that, she just didn't expect for it to happen so soon.

She misses him every day. He used to be the guy she would call to gush about her latest crush or complain about the most recent jerk she dated. He used the be the guy who would drink beer and throw darts with her when she was back in her small southern town. He used to be her constant, her best friend. Now, their friendship is unstable at best. She knows that she can't change it, and she won't fight it, there is nothing she can do. Just like everything in life, there are things that are constant, and there are things that are unstable. At least she is stable, and constantly content.