The Loves In My Life Vol. II

For almost three years I have had one of the best friends you could imagine. He's treated me like a sister, he's loved me no matter what, and he's always made time for me. He's several years older than me. Actually, he's closer to my parents age than my own, but that has never made a difference. We have spent hours talking. He helped me through a particularly tough break up, and between the two of us, we have lost three aunts, a grandfather, a dad, and several friends since we have become friends.

He took me out and got me drunk when my grandfather passed away. He knew it was almost more than I could handle. Then he hugged me for hours while I cried. I took him out and got him drunk when his dad passed away, and also hugged him while he cried. I held his hand during the visitation and funeral, he holds my hand every time I need him. We have been through a lot, and we have become better friends through it all.

But things have changed drastically for us recently. He has had some major changes in his life, and while he has shared them with me, I've been left behind. He now has new priorities and new responsibilities. When he first told me about these "new developments" in his life, I cried. I was so sad, so furious, so heartbroken, because I hate change, and I knew that things had changed forever between us. It's been almost two months since we've had that conversation, and it still hurts. I know he's still there for me, but I also know that things will never be like they where three months ago.

However, I don't worry for myself. It's a harsh reality when you desperately want to help someone, and you know you can't. When you want to make things better for someone, you worry about them, you care about their well being, but you can't do anything to change the situation. That's where I'm at right now. I want him to be happy, but I know that I can't affect his future outcome. I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do but continue to be the best friend I can for him, no matter what.

This is something that I struggle with daily. I think about him a lot and I wonder if he really is doing okay, or if he is just telling me that to comfort me. Because he would do that, he would spare me the worry and lie to me.

I have had a lot of "best friends". But I have never, ever had one that would put my feelings before his own. I have never had one that I can count on as much as him, or one that cares about me as much as he does. And I have never had a friend that is facing the difficult decisions that he is facing. I am so lucky to have him in my life. And I hope that he remembers this everyday.