Principle Of Least Interest

Is it true that the person who cares the least is in control of the relationship? My mom has told me this every time I have called her to complain that he didn't call when he said he was going to or he didn't call at all for that matter. Every time I'm upset about being let down my some guy I've been seeing my mom always says, "Anne you know that the person who cares the least is always in control, I've told you this before."

Does it have to be this way? Can't it be equal? The more thought I've put into it, the more I think my mom is right. It can't be equal. How do two people equally care about each other? It's just not possible. I can look at relationships where I started out in control. The guy did his best to make a good impression. He opened the car door, he told me I looked beautiful, he was sweet, thoughtful, etc. Then I look at how I acted a few weeks/months into it. Did I change so much that he started acting differently toward me, or did I give the control to him. I can look at marriages where couples have been together for twenty plus years, it's the same thing. There is always one person in the relationship who strives to make the other one happy. The fixer, the care giver, the sacrificer, this person is usually not the one in control. Not that after twenty years it should really matter who has control. Lets face it, these days if a marriage lasts twenty years, it's been successful.

This theory often makes me hold back so I won't care the most, or care at all for that matter. I don't want to lose control until I know it's someone worth losing control over. I don't want to lose control until I know that he won't treat me like he doesn't care, won't take me for granted, won't hurt me on purpose! Right now I need control, right now I'm not out of control.