The Player And The Game

In relationships, is there always a winner and a loser? Like in all games, in relationships, someone always inevitably loses something; their temper, their sanity, their "someone special". Recently it seems like this is common. There is no happy ending, there are penalties, strike outs, fouls, flags on the play, and then time runs out and the game is over.

I have been in the game, lost the game, enjoyed the game, and quit the game. I hate the game. I've come to realize that everyone plays some type of game, has some type of angle and wants some type of something. I have never wanted to participate in the game. Hate the player not the game is how the saying goes. But it's hard to hate the player when he plays the game so well.

The game has ended on me so quickly that I haven't even realized it until I was standing on the sidelines and the other player was long since gone--with a cute cheerleader. But even if you try to stay out of the game, keep things on equal playing fields, it's almost impossible.

At the beginning it's all fun and new. There are new feelings, new experiences, new conversations, and it's exciting. The game is in full force, but neither person has the advantage, there's not a player, yet. So when do things change over? When does one person lose the equal footing, and when does the stronger player decided he/she controls the game.

Personally, I have no idea when this happens. I've had it happen the first night I met someone, 3 months into the relationship, and even a year after I started dating someone. The game kicks in, things are different, and there is no way to change things back. These past experiences have hardened me. They have made me not want to commit, made me pessimistic, and made me stronger at the same time. I've been the loser in the game so many times, that I don't feel like the loser anymore. I feel like I've learned from every experience that's I've been in, and maybe I'll never be the player in the game, but I will recognize the game, and only quit if I want to.