Southern Shower Etiquette

While visiting my small southern town this weekend, some friends and I got to discussing shower etiquette, as in engagement, wedding, stock the bar, and baby showers. We have all been swamped with shower invites this year. So what is proper shower etiquette?

Obviously I could rush out and buy some book by some stuffy woman (probably from up north somewhere) that would tell me everything I need to know about a shower. But why do that? It's not like us southern girls are going to follow northern rules, we barely follow any rules. So based on the conversation we had this weekend, here is the conclusion we came to (mind you, I've never had any of the above showers, so I'm not a professional, but I've been to plenty, so this at least makes me semi-pro.

Southern Shower Rules of Etiquette

Etiquette Rule #1--If I am not in the wedding party, don't invite me to every damn shower you have. I prefer the crawfish boils and the stock the bar showers. I can't afford to come to every single shower, that gets expensive. So just invite me to the fun stuff please. (Okay, so these rules aren't ever going to be published in Better Homes, but at least I'm telling the truth)

Etiquette Rule #2--You don't have to have 15 showers to get all of the "loot" your little heart desires. Seriously, lets have about 5 maybe, and call it a day. I'm making this rule because once, as a bridesmaid, I was invited to 12 showers for the bride and groom. Do you know how many damn weekends that is? I barely got a day off from all of the crust-free cucumber sandwiches, and fruit punch. I don't mind going to a few showers on my Saturdays, but I would rather be out on the water getting a tan when it's warm out.

Etiquette Rule #3--When you are having your second baby, don't throw another baby shower. It's not fair to your friends. We have already sat through one (or sometimes more than one for you) of these showers, and no matter how much we like kids, we aren't having the time of our life. Not to mention it's just bad taste to have a dozen little rug rats and expect us to attend a baby shower for everyone of those little monkey's.

*Etiquette Rule #4--This is a touchy subject I know, but if you are having a "WHO'S YOUR BABY DADDY SHOWER", please invite only close, and I mean close, personal friends and family. I know I sound heartless, but I don't want to attend a baby shower, when a few months later I'm going to have to attend a "CONGRATS IT'S YOUR DNA" Party. I know this sounds far fetched, but trust me, it's happened. While I hate it for those involved, it's not my fault, and if we aren't that close, don't make me attend this event.

I can't tell you how many showers I've been to, but while trying to count them all, I came up with an idea. I think it should be a rule that if a sweet southern girl doesn't have her own showers by a certain age, she should be able to throw a few "I'M SINGLE AND LOVING IT" Showers. I mean, don't our married with kids friends owe it to us? I think so! These showers are to provide things like, nice stem ware, money for really nice trendy shoes , purses, and clothes, maybe money for a down payment on a sporty two seater car, you know, the important things a single girls needs. I think this is a great idea, in fact, I may just throw myself one in the next year or two. Anyone want to send me their address now? (It will help to plan early)