A Missed Past

Things are happening, changing, moving, pulling me, and it's making my life a little unharmonious. It's making me tired and sad and confused. I've always said I wouldn't chose a guy over my friends, and I never have. I still don't think I am, but I'm afraid not everyone shares this opinion about me.

I think she feels like I don't have time for her. I think she feels like I would rather hang out without her, and I think she feels like she's not in the loop any more. I think she's lost friends this way before, and I think she's scared she's lost her partner in crime. She sorta has, I think. I haven't really spent time with her lately, our schedules are different, and I spend a lot of time with him now.

I like spending time with him, and he never asks me to chose, he always says, go with her, be with her, do ya'lls thing. But it's not that easy sometimes. Why do I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions even though neither one of them is really pulling me, they are waiting on me to make the decision. I know why I feel this way, because my heart is being pulled.

A good friend of mine told me that this would happen when I reached a certain age. She said that at one point in my life I would look for something more than just friendship, and that my friends would understand because they would also deal with this at some point. When she told me this, I thought, not me. But how I was wrong, this friend is very wise, she knew I was going to deal with this eventually.

I hate that I might hurt someone's feelings. Especially a someone that is so dear to me. While she may get angry, I just get sad, and my heart hurts a little more. I do miss her, but I think I miss the way we used to be more than anything.