What I Should Have Said

Apparently I let my emotions (and to much alcohol) get the better of me this weekend. I threw quite the little fit on Saturday night, thank goodness it was out of site of the party goers that showed up at the boyfriends house after a long day on the river.

The day started out okay with me picking up breakfast for myself and the boyfriend. He had some chores to take care of before we could head out to the river, so I busiest myself with a grocery list. A couple of hours later, we loaded up, headed to the ramp, and drove down river to the lock. We had decided to put in close to the boyfriends house and lock by the dam, something none of us had ever done before. It was pretty awesome, and it also gave everyone a chance to have four or five beers before we got to the sandbar.

Once we met up with friends and unloaded the boat we hauled people across the river and the serious drinking began. By the time dinner was being cooked, I was pretty well intoxicated. Apparently I made the comment to the boyfriend, who was trying his best to cook dinner for all the hungry drinkers, that I didn't want one of his sand burgers or sand dogs. While I don't recall saying this, it was definitely not the right thing to say to someone who is trying his best to flip burgers with a boat paddle because someone forgot to pack a spatula. What I should have said was that I definitely wanted a burger, and I should have helped him cook the food. I would have done both, had I been a little more sober.

After dinner, which I didn't eat, we began loading up and taking people across river. We still had to lock and had at least a 30 minute boat ride after that. It was very dark outside, I spot lighted buoys the entire time, and we made it back to the creak safe and sound. What I didn't expect to see when we got back to the boyfriends house was a party starting. Apparently I decided I should go home because I wasn't in the party mood. The boyfriend would not let me drive, thank goodness, but we did have quite the argument because of this. What I should have said was thank you for caring enough about me to keep me safe. But instead I tried to explain to him that I just wanted to go home and get in my own bed. Obviously other parts of the conversation aren't quite so clear. Bits and pieces have been coming back, and it hasn't been pretty. Apparently I was quite the handful on Saturday night.

Eventually the boyfriend brought me some food, I took a shower and went to bed. He was pretty patient with me considering I was acting like a total idiot. I feel a little bit uncomfortable with us now. And it's my own fault. I let some things get to me that I shouldn't have, and rather than trying to be a grown up, I acted like a child, a drunken child at that. I must admit that I'm a little worried my actions will be forgiven but not forgotten.

What I should have said was, "Thank you for taking me to the river on Saturday, I had a good time. I'm sorry for my drunken behavior and I’m sorry if I was less than nice to you. I don't know what came over me, actually that's a lie I do, and I'm very sorry. I hope you can forgive and forget most of the things I said. I do remember one very important thing I said to you, and I meant it, all three words of it."