It Will Drive You Mad

One of my favorite movies of all time is Moulin Rouge. I love the story of the boy who loves the Corazon and can't have her. The music, the costumes, the entire production captivates me every time.

There is one scene in particular where the Moulin Rouge dancers are playing out a scene for the boy, to the music of Sting's Roxanne. They tell the boy that jealousy will drive him mad. This scene is so powerful. You can see his anger, his emotion, and in the end his heartache for what he can't control. The dancers are right all along of course.

I don't know why this reminds me of my life right now. While I'm not a poor, bohemian writer who's in love with a prostitute, I relate for some reason. I'm not jealous of what I don't have, in fact I know I don't need it. I guess the thing that's bothering me is that everyone else seems to think my personal life if their business. And the thing is, the people that are supposed to be the supportive "friends" make me feel worse about myself.

I hoped things would get easier and I would feel better sooner, rather than later. But it's just to hard to forget about everything when I have people in my life that keep reminding me. Keep bringing it up, and keep rubbing it in my face. These people are supposed to be the people that care the most about me, but I have to say, lately acquaintances have been more supportive than the people I've called friends for so long.

So, maybe jealousy over some male prostitute won't drive me mad, but seeing how easy it is for people who supposedly love, to hurt me just might.