No Expectations

I'm trying hard to trust and be happy with the situation I'm in. It's difficult because I'm so neurotic when it comes to trusting anyway, and he has so many things going on right now. It's hard to deal when he has very valid excuses, things he can't control, and I'm the least trusting person I know.

I'm enjoying what time we spend together. We flirt a lot, it's pretty pathetic. We make each other laugh, find stupid reasons to touch (like my hands are cold, he'll hold them for a few minutes for me), and still things are slow and held back. I don't dare question him as to what is going on with us. It's hasn't been long enough, it's obvious things will move very slow, baby steps.

I just wish I could not have these thoughts in the back of my head. Like at any moment he's going to say he's really not into me, and it was okay while it lasted. Why can't I just be positive? I role with it, but I still have these small seconds of doubt. I know why I do, I have them because I'm pessimistic. You can't get your feelings hurt or get let down if you never expected anything to begin with. How I would love to have expectations.