Sunday, January 14, 2007

The Push And Pull Of Things

Push, the act of applying force in order to move something away. I can relate with this right now. He pushes constantly. He won’t tell me how he feels about something; he gets quite, gets distant, is less than affectionate, he pushes me away. He says he just can’t do it any more. He disappears; he’s pushed me away, until he starts to pull again.

Pull, the act of pulling; applying force to move something toward or with you. I relate to this right now too. A few days goes by, maybe a week, and there is no contact between
us. I don’t call, don’t e-mail, I get through my days, then he can’t take it any more. He calls, asks why he hasn’t heard from me. He says he doesn’t like things like this, he wants me with him, wants to get back together.

Twice I’ve missed him enough to be pulled back. But this last time I swore to myself this was it, no more chances. Things were said, promised, future plans were made, then the push reappeared. I recognized it immediately, and I decided this time I would be the one to say it, the one to end things. That was almost two weeks ago, and as is routine, he began calling and e-mailing about a week ago. It’s a very difficult thing not to be pulled back in. I know it shouldn’t be this hard, I know we’ve both had a lot of stress in our lives lately. While this is not a good excuse, it’s not been easy for either of us. But right now, I can’t help but ask myself, have I reached the limit of being pushed and pulled? Am I so stretched that I can walk away from someone that I care so much about?


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