Tuesday, January 30, 2007

My Past In My Present

The FL ex has been trying to find a way to get back into the present with me. He's called, he's e-mailed, text, even sent me flowers. Finally, after all of that he decided he just needed to fly to LR and "make it work". I admit, part of me was excited about the idea of seeing him. I was looking forward to spending some time with him, taking him to my favorite restaurant, going shopping. But, I was not at all excited about the conversation I knew would be inevitable. I knew he would want to talk about the past, and talk about our future. And I wasn't at all prepared for that when I'm happy in my present.

So, I did what I thought was necessary. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea for him to come see me. In fact, I told him this wouldn't work for me any more, and as sorry as I am about it, I need to be happy. I know how this all may sound, like I'm heartless, uncaring. But it's the opposite actually, I do care about him, I'm sure I always will. Obviously I’m not heartless because my heart does hurt a little right now, but, I'm happier already. I feel like a weight has been lifted.

During all of this turmoil, the tennis pro was by my side. I told him the truth, I told both of them actually. So there were no secrets between us. The tennis pro said he could wait for the weekend to be over, he said he understood that these things happen, and he just wanted me to be happy. I was so relieved. When I told him the ex wasn't flying in after all, he didn't have much to say. And I was again relieved because I didn't do it for him, I did it for me.

So for now I'm enjoying my present and walking away from the past.


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