Thursday, September 29, 2005


I guess after my last few terrible entries, it's pretty obvious that I go on a lot of dates. Or at least I meet a lot of guys. I don't always have an official "date", a lot of times it's more of a "me and my friends and he and his friends" all meet up type thing. And even then it doesn't always turn into a future date. A lot of times it turns into a big group of people all meeting up several weekends in a row, everyone has fun, and no one really dates within the group. I have come to find that me and my girlfriends love this type of weekend. We love to have a large group of people that are fun and trustworthy to go out with.

A few months ago me and my best girlfriends found ourselves in this exact situation. We met a group of guys that all work together. For a few weeks we all hung out together. There was always between six and 15 of us, and we had a blast. We went to see local bands, we watched movies, we "partied like rock stars". Then, some of the guys moved off, and that was the end of our fun little group. During that time, I dated one of the guys in the group. We dated for about three weeks or so, and then we both moved, far away from each other. I landed in North Carolina, and didn't stay long before I moved back to Arkansas. We tried to stay in touch, and the idea of trying to keep seeing each other, despite the distance, was discussed. In the end, I knew me. I knew what I wanted, and I didn't want to date someone I got to see every couple of months. So that was that. He was a great guy, but not the great guy for me ( or at least that is my philosophy when I meet a great guy, but the timing is all wrong). But there was no hard feelings, no cross words, in fact we have since e-mailed just to check on each other. These check in's are exactly how I would e-mail a friend, guy or girl, to check on them, very casual, very non-personal.

Then, back in August, I met this really nice guy at a bar in Arkansas. We talked for a few hours, it was great. Not awkward, not uncomfortable, we just chatted, and I gave him my phone number. He doesn't live around here, so I haven't seen him since that night. But we have e-mailed a couple of times a week, and we occasionally talked on the phone. However, it's by no means going anywhere serious, at least not right now. He is going to be in town next week. I am actually very excited about this. I am not really seeing anyone and I am ready to get a little attention from the opposite sex. ( I actually get this attention daily, but it's from my little dog Louie V) So turns out that the guy that had the great group of friends, and the new guy that will be in town soon work together. Turns out they know each other, turns out I forwarded an e-mail to both of them, and turns out they both ask me about the other one. (Seriously what are the odds that his could happen?? How random!) So, I explained the story to the new guy; it was fun, we both moved away, he's a great guy, but not the great guy for me, blah, blah, blah. Of course the great group of friends guy also called me out on this, and he just laughed and said he thought the new guy was a pretty good guy.

So one thing the new guy has told me is that in his line of work, with all the traveling, it's not often he meets a smart, cute, funny girl who is not married. (I hope he was talking about me!!) He even went so far as to tell his friends about me, so we could all meet up when they are in town. So now I wonder if the new guy has the same opinion of me? I didn't do anything wrong. Even if I would have been casually dating someone (which I wasn't) it would have been okay to talk to the new guy when I first met him. But it seems like the new guy, is a very nice guy. He seems to come from a good family (as do I), love sports (as do I), and works out often (as do I-in fact we are going to the gym next week to see if he can keep up with my running regimen). It seems like we have a lot in common. So this doubt in my mind creeps into my thoughts every once in awhile. I have been completely honest with the new guy, but it must have been strange to be approached by the great group of friends guy. Okay, backtrack, when I sent the e-mail, great group of friends guy stopped the new guy and ask him if he knew me. At this the new guy said he did, he had met me about a month ago in Arkansas. Then great group of friends guy said he dated me for a bit when he was in Arkansas. This would definitely have freaked me out a little, or at least made me wonder just how many people this new person had dated that I knew.
Okay, I am really rambling.

What I am really trying to decide is if the new guy still thinks I'm sweet, funny, cute, etc. or if he thinks I date waaaaaaay to much. We broached this subject on the phone recently, and he said he was totally fine with it, but he would definitely aggravate me about it in the future. Maybe I am just over thinking the situation. Then again, maybe I got busted!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Terrible, Non-Humorous Dates

Looking back on most of my previous first dates, I laugh, and find something about them that was positive. I easily laugh at myself, often question how I get into these situations, and love to tell my best girl friends of my most recent dating disaster. However, there was one terrible date that was never humorous, as a matter of fact it was three dates, and a lot of e-mail/phone flirting that got me into this situation. I should have known better, I should have seen the signs, but I didn't, and I will never forget it.

I met him when I was in Boston for the Democratic Convention. I had been there all week, I was completely worn out, and could think of nothing better than a relaxing weekend at the river when I returned home. I met him at the airport while I was waiting to catch my flight back to Memphis. The terminal was very crowded, and I found myself sitting on the floor across from him. He noticed my Kerry Edwards sticker on my carry on, and ask me how I liked the convention. This sparked a twenty minute conversation, until we boarded the plane. He was sitting in the back, but waited until my seat number was called so we could board together. He then helped me put my luggage in the over head, and for the rest of the flight, I stole little glances at him when I could. He was very cute, very hippyish, very not my usual type. When we landed he told me it was nice to meet me, and hopefully we would run into each other, I had learned earlier that he worked for a media outlet in Arkansas, and we didn't live that far from each other.

The next week I was surprised to see that he sent me an e-mail with a few pictures he had taken at the convention. I ask him if I could glance through some of the others he took to look for pictures of myself. He e-mailed me back saying he would trade me the pictures for a lunch date. I was so excited! I couldn't believe this random meeting would produce a lunch date. A few days later, he picked me up at the office and we had a great lunch, actually I took an extra long lunch break, and caught some hell for it back at work. It was totally worth it. The lunch was great. He was sweet, cute, very smart, and it was obvious there was attraction. I could hardly wait to see him again. He e-mailed me later that day and we made plans to have another lunch date the next week. We also e-mailed off and on for the next few days. I was having a great time getting to know my hippie guy, and I was sharing every detail with my best friend. She was also very happy and excited for me!

That next weekend, I decided to do something very brave, and very unlike me. I called him (getting his voice mail) and ask him to join me and my best friend by the pool on Sunday for margaritas. I never heard back from him, but I wasn't worried. I figured he was busy and I called on short notice anyway. So the next week I had my second date with the cute hippie. Again, it was wonderful. We had lots to talk about, and he apologized for not calling me back over the weekend, he was super busy, but he promised to make it up to me. He even tried to get me to skip out on work the rest of the day and go to the pool with him. I really wanted to, but I knew I couldn't. I was very busy that week, and it wasn't like me to blow off work for a day by the pool. He acted disappointed, but promised we would go to the river one weekend or something of that nature.

Everything seemed to be going great. I really liked him, I was really pumped about spending more time with him, but there where just a few little things that bothered me. One, he had never ask me out other than lunch. Now I know that lunch is the most casual of the dating meals, but you would think after two lunches, we would make plans for an evening meal. Two, he had a beat up, American Eagle looking, silver band on his wedding ring finer. But surely he wouldn't pursue me if he was married? I am a good girl, surely he wouldn't dream of that. And who actually wears their wedding ring out on a date? Surely he would have taken it off if he didn't want me to know he was married. (Disclaimer: I would NEVER knowingly date a married man. I think marriage is sacred, and I feel very strongly about the union of one man and one wife, not one man, his wife and his little girlfriend.) However, upon discussing the "ring thing" with my best friend, she assured me that no man would actually be stupid enough to wear his wedding ring out on a date, unless the girl knew he was married. I felt fairly certain the ring was special to him, but it wasn't special because his wife had one like it.

The next lunch date was wonderful, we went to this great little local place. We talked about trying to go to the river that weekend for a day of canoeing, and he ask me out for a drink after work. Finally, a date that doesn't include lunch!!! Just before our check came, it happened, I opened my big mouth. I have no idea where it came from, it just sort of popped out, I never saw it coming. I told him the first time I met him I thought he was married. He just looked at me. He looked at me for what seemed like an hour, then he looked down at the floor, and I knew. All he said was, I am. I thought he was kidding. I thought for sure he was about to tell me how gullible I was, and how the ring was given to him by some old hippie friend of his. But he didn't say anything, he just looked at the floor. So I ask him how long he had been married, and he told me nine years. NINE YEARS!!!!!!! Seriously, I wasn't even out of grade school when he got married. NINE YEARS????? I didn't know what to do. I thought about picking up my half eaten soup bowl and pouring it on him. But I didn't want to cause a scene. I wanted to be the better person in the situation. So I ask him if he had any children, and I held my breath, he said yes; a girl six and a boy four. TWO KIDS!!!!!! (no wonder he couldn't hand out with my by the pool on a Sunday, he probably had some prior commitment with the kidies) I still wondered if he was kidding. Maybe he was just really, really good at keeping a straight face. So I ask him if he was ever going to tell me-I opened the door for him to say he was playing, he was never married, he just wanted to see how I would react. Of course it didn't go that way at all. He said he had planned on telling me that day, at drinks after work. He said he really liked me, and he didn't want to mess up what he thought we had. He said he felt really bad about not being honest with me, but that he and his wife only stayed together for the kids, and they pretty much did their own thing. About that time the check came, the waiter sat it down on the table and I quickly grabbed it. He pleaded with me to let him pay it, he said it was the least he could do, and that he could expense it. Well I knew exactly what that meant. He could put it on his work credit card, that way the little wife wouldn’t ask questions. I just gave him the coldest stare I could muster and told him he could expense it, but I could pay for it myself, and it would never have to be a secret. I paid for both of our lunches, and walked out of the restaurant.

As he followed me out he ask me if I was mad. I told him I was more disappointed than anything, and that I had never had someone lie to me the way he did. I had never felt so, guilty of something that was out of my control. I told him I felt sorry for his kids, and I realized how lucky I was to have the up bringing I did. Then he actually had the nerve to ask me if he could see me again. He said he knew I was mad but that maybe over time I would understand that he was so unhappy at home, and other than his kids, he didn't have any reason to be with his wife. Then, I shocked him, I ask him a series of questions that I bet no other poor unsuspecting girl has ever ask him since. I ask what his wife and kids would say if he went to drinks with me after work, if he came home late, smelling like alcohol, what his wife would say, and what he would tell her. I ask him if he would tell her that he met a girl while he was in Boston, and that he had been out with her a few times in past few weeks. I ask him if he would tell her that we had gone out for beers after work, and that he wanted to stay out later with me, but that he knew he had to be home to tuck the kids in. I also ask him what she would say if he told her that I had freaked out when I found out he was married, but that he had assured me that he and his wife had an "open marriage". So I ask him if he would tell her the truth. He said, "not exactly."

He then took me back to the office and I didn't return any of the next twenty phone calls from him. I did however, listen to his pathetic voice mails. He e-mailed me several times, upon which I just ignored him. I have never felt so terrible and guilty in my life. That situation really messed with my head. I know it just happened, and I could have never seen it coming, but to know that he did have a wife, and children, that was almost more than I could handle. I still to this day am repulsed by him when I see him.

About two months later, when I had finally come to terms with the fact that it wasn't my fault, and that I did the absolute right thing when I found out the truth, he showed up in my office. I was busy, and another staff person ask him if he needed anything. The hippie just looked and me and said he had come to talk to me. I told him I was really busy, and had no time in my schedule for liars. He just looked at me like he was so offended, he stood there for a few seconds, then he told me he would like to sit and talk with me sometime. He had something very important to tell me. I just told him that nothing he had to say was important enough for me to want to listen, and that I would appreciate it if he left so I could get back to work. He turned and walked out of the office.

I still see him around occasionally. I just pretend like I don't know him. For the longest time I was afraid that his wife would come looking for me. There really wasn't a bright side to this situation. Although I did learn a few things about myself. I didn't lose my cool and freak out when he told me he was married. I didn't scream, yell or swear at him, I handled it like a lady. And I did the right thing. I didn't give him time to talk me into seeing him again, and I know that if for some crazy reason I am ever in a similar situation (I sure hope not), I will handle it the same way. That makes me pretty damn strong.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Terrible, Humorous Date #3

Although I've been on a lot of terrible, humorous dates, I've also been on a few terrible, humorous non-dates as well. I am still trying to figure out exactly how I got myself into this situation. A few years ago, a friend of mine introduced me one of his buddies. Apparently the buddy had seen me around and wanted to ask me out. I had also noticed the buddy, and I was very pleased when he ask me out.

However the "date, or non-date" didn't really go the way I thought it would. He ask me to go out to a local bar with him. At this point I was thinking we would have a couple of drinks, just the two of us. Not exactly how it happened. I was suffering from a terrible cold, and I was taking med's that wouldn't allow me to drink. Upon telling my non-date this he thought I should drive then, so we would be safe when we left the bar. I was okay with that, but I wasn't okay when I picked him up for our date and he had three other guys with him. I looked like I was pimping out these guys when we got to the bar. They where all dressed in the average college style, I just stepped out of Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue, and they where all about getting trashed that night. Shots, fishbowls, you name it, in a two hour period these boys where hammered. I wasn't feeling so good due to my cold, and there was something very odd going on at our table. If I wouldn't have known better I could have sworn I was crashing their date. It looked to me like these boys where more than just your average "buddies".

Well after three hours, I decided it was time to go home and get some rest, I felt awful. The boys decided to stay at the bar, so I left. My date didn't walk me to the door, didn't tell me he would call me, nothing. Oh well, I thought as I drove home from the bar, he's to much of a metro sexual for me anyway. He called me the next afternoon, he said he had a great time, he was happy I got along with all of his buddies, and he wanted to go out again, as soon as I started feeling better. How strange that he was asking me out again. Well I couldn't say no, I was curious now. So, a week later he invited me over to a friends house for a party. When I arrived there where no cars in the drive. The party turned out to be the same four guys playing poker. Well I didn't bring any cash, so I stayed long enough to be polite, then I went home. Again, the non-date didn't walk me to the door, nothing.

Two days later, he called me again to tell me he was sorry if I felt left out while they where playing poker, and he couldn't wait to see me again. He said he wanted to go out just the two of us. I was excited about this idea because we hadn't spent any time together without his entourage. So we made plans for the next week. When he picked me up, he commented that I looked great. I was so happy, finally just some us time, or so I thought. He took me to this crowded bar, where the music is loud and the dance floor is really crowded. Of course his three friends where there, and of course we sat with them. The entire night was basically like the two before it. We all talked, hung out, and I had plenty of time to think about what was going on here. This made three dates, and so far it was more like hanging out with a bunch of guy friends. Maybe my non-date just thought I was a cool girl, who would be fun to hang out with. I had no idea what was going on. So that night when he took me home, he told me he had a great time, and that he loved spending time with me. He also said he was going to be out of town for a couple of days, but that he would call me when he got back.

While he was gone I met up with a girl friend of mine and we tried to analyze the situation. She had only one theory, that my non-date was gay. She said he must be, why wouldn't he at least give me a kiss on the cheek, hold my hand, something. So, she devised a plan. The next time I went out with my non-date, she was going to be there with a couple of her gay friends, she said they would be able to tell me if my non-date was gay in a second. So about a week later, I had my forth non-date. We went to the same crowded smoky bar we had gone to on our last non-date. When we got there my girl friend and her gay friends where waiting. We sat down at their table, and had a great time. Everyone got along great, it was so much fun. Towards the end of the night, I got up to go to the restroom, and a gay friend followed me out into the hall. He told me that he knew the second I walked in the bar that my non-date was not into girls. He said that he had seen the non-date on a real date, in a different town, with a guy. He said it was very obvious to him and the other gay friends at the table. I didn't know what to think. It was so strange. If my non-date was gay, why wouldn't he just tell me. He was a lot of fun, we could still have gone out as friends, at least I would have known what was going on.

When he took me home that night I decided not to mention it. How do you ask a guy that is obviously not out about his dating preferences if he is gay or not? The funny thing is, the guy never called me again. I don't think I acted any differently, and I know he hadn't overheard my conversation with the gay friend, he must have realized that it would be obvious to them. So that was that. Until about a year ago.

I ran into him at a bar one night. He was so sweet to me, we ended up hanging out for several hours. His friends and my friends got along great, and we all had a lot to drink. At the end of the night, and several shots later, they former non-date ask me if he could take me out sometime. At this point I had been running the previous story through my mind all night. I had been trying to watch him, see if he seemed gay, watch how he acted towards other males. He definitely didn't seem completely straight. I had had enough. Our non-dates had bothered me for months. I decided it was time to tell him about it. So we walked outside and I told him I didn't think it was a good idea for us to go out. I told him that for over a year I had been trying to figure out what he didn't like about me the first time. Why he never kissed me, took me out just the two of us, or called me back for that matter. He said he didn't know and that he would try to come up with the answer for me.

Me not being one to beat around the bush blurted out that he should just tell me if he's gay. I wouldn't think anything less of him, and I would never tell anyone. (although I guess I am right now, but I'm not using his name, so I think I still kept my promise) He said that he was, and that not many people knew about it. I promised to keep his secret, but I did have to ask why did he keep asking me out if he knew he wasn't going to be interested in me.

To this his response shocked me, it was the biggest compliment/insult I would ever get. He said he always took me to crowded bars because he knew if people saw us together, no one would ever think he was gay. He said that rumors had begun to circle because he didn't date much. He knew that we would have a good time, and that I was a good girl, wouldn't try anything, and I also wouldn't ask for to much.

I was shocked! How do you reply to that kind of answer? So I told him I appreciated him finally being honest with me, and that I hoped he found what he was looking for. I also told him if he ever needed a date, and he had to take a female, he could call me! Now this story really never turned into a "tell my girl friends" type story. They all knew who I would have been talking about, and I didn't think it was wise to spread it around. It's a funny story, if you think about the mess I always seem to get myself into. But at the same time, it's sort of sad because he never could be him self. He was to worried about what society thought of him, and how his peers would judge him. How terrible to have to live that way.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Terrible, Humorous Date #2

Another terrible date I experienced occurred just last November, the week after the Presidential Election and a week after I recuperated from five straight days of binge drinking and thinking about the next for years for the U.S..

I met the guy through a friend/co-worker who assured me that he was the sweetest thing! She said he was smart, funny, and loved the same kind of music I did. It sounded like it could be fun, so I was pretty excited when we made plans to go see a band at my favorite music spot in town. First we went to a Hibachi Grill, the food was great, and even though he was a little hard to talk to, it was fun.

When we got to my favorite bar, we got a great table, it was perfect. Then something happened. The guy just flipped the switch. Bipolar seems to come to mind. He was a totally different person, seriously Jeckel and Hyde material. I was shocked!!

Shortly after we sat down, he told me that a friend of his would be joining us. I was totally fine with that, in fact I thought it a good sign that he was introducing me to one of his friends so quickly. However, when his friend showed up, there was no introduction, they launched into this huge baseball conversation. It took me ten minutes just to get a word in edgewise so I could tell the friend my name. Twenty minutes later I was still sitting there, with no one to talk to, while they discussed the up coming deer season. They where talking about where they where going to go, the deer they had been seeing, etc. This was the perfect opportunity for me to join the conversation, I had been deer hunting with my dad for several years. When I told them that, they just laughed. My date said there was no way I had killed a deer and he didn't believe me. So I told him I had, listed off the measurements, etc., and waited for them to be surprised by the size of the deer. (I know at this point I sound like a total redneck, but I was tired of sitting there, not talking) Well it didn't work that way at all. They ignored me for the next thirty minutes or so, and I just sat there watching the opening band warm up.

Then I got another chance to join the conversation when it switched from hunting to the
play offs between the Cardinals and the Red Sox, and how they would have liked to have gone to a game. Well this is something I know a little bit about, so I decided if I wanted to socialize, I would have to just jump in the conversation. I told them that I actually had tickets to the final game played in St. Louis, and that I sold them because I couldn't get off work to go. Of course they looked at me like I had lost my mind, so I explained how my family is friends with the mayor of St. Louis, blah, blah, and we get tickets to lots of things. My date then told me that he thought I was a "one upper", and he didn't believe me, I must be lying. I thought he was just kidding, but I was the only person laughing at the table.

Again, I sat in silence as they went on and on about the Cards/Sox series. I was so bored, and so pissed I couldn’t' get a buzz. So I excused myself, went to the ladies room, and called for backup. My little brother, who is always on emergency notice, answered on the second ring. I told him what was going on, that my feelings where a little hurt, and that the band hadn't even started yet. I didn't know what to do. He is a very "to the point" kind of person. He told me to just get the heck out of there. Just leave, or go find a table of people I knew and party with them. But I couldn't do that, I would have felt terrible to just leave, so I told him I would give it one more shot, and call him back if it got worse.

When I sat back down, they had changed their subject to celebrity sightings. They where talking about all of the famous people a friend of theirs had seen at the Card's/Sox game. One name mentioned was Ben Affleck. Once again, an opening to the conversation. I had met and gotten my picture taken when BA in Boston at the Democratic Convention when he was stumping for Kerry and Edwards. I told them I didn't think he was that cute in person, but he was super nice. My date just glared at me. He said I was such a "one upper" it was "ridiculous", and that he was not impressed with my "name dropping". He was so serious. I couldn't believe he was speaking to me that way. I was so pissed. He then turned to his friend and said, "Can you believe her, she thinks she is miss all that." Well about that time I decided another trip to the ladies was in order, before I left the table I ask my date if when I came back would we all try to be nice to each other. He just laughed, apparently he didn't think he was being mean at all.

This time I didn't even hide the fact I was leaving, I just turned and walked out of the bar. I'm sure he realized I wasn't going out the front door to find a ladies room, and he never came after me. I ended up running into an old roommates bother on the sidewalk. We decided to go next door and have a drink so I could tell him how I just walked out on a date. It was a great ending to a terrible night. We had a blast.

The next day my friend/co-worker called me to ask just what had happened the night before. I told her the story and she said that was just his personality, and he picked on girls he liked. Well that is something you do when your in grade school, not your 30's. She said he really wanted to take me out again and he was sorry if I took offence to his "flirting". I never returned his calls after that, and eventually he quit calling.
Looking back on it, I don't regret that I went out with him, again this made a great story to tell my girl friends. However, I have since run into him when I've been out. It's funny how we both act like we don't know each other and head in different directions. I am not one to date someone who is mean or childish and he is obviously not one to date a "one upper".

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Terrible, Humorous Date #1

Between my disastrous relationships I often have even more disastrous first and only dates. For some people, going on one awful date after another can be daunting and even depressing. But for me, it's humorous, and gives me something to tell my girl friends, who, have told me numerous times, that I must write these crazy stories down. One such disastrous, humorous date occurred on Valentines Day last year. The guy, correction, boy that I went out with (poor thing), had the worst luck imaginable.

I met him at a bar one night when I was out with the girls, he bought us a round of drinks. He seemed very sweet, was super cute, a great dresser, and was very athletic. I gave him my number later that evening, and he called just a few days later. It was two weeks until Valentines Day when he ask me out. However, he didn't want to go out until V Day, because he said he thought it would be more special if our first date was on Feb. 14th. I didn't really like this idea, to much pressure, and two whole weeks before I was to hang out with this cutie again. But I agreed, and we talked quite a bit for the next week and a half.

Well eventually I got bored with talking to him every day. I was ready to see him in person, this in turn caused me to lose interest all together. I no longer wanted to go out with him. In fact, I wanted to go to the movies with my group of girl friends that night, eats lots of buttery popcorn, and not think about getting dressed up and going out on a date. When discussing this dilemma with my female co-workers, they assured me that a free dinner with a cute guy would be worth missing out on extra buttered, calorie loaded, popcorn. After much debate with the boy, it was decided that he would pick me up at 6:30 and we would go eat seafood. It was also decided that it would be a casual dinner with casual attire. To me casual means slacks and a sweater. To him it meant ripped up jeans, sneakers, and a sweat shirt. Huuuum….this should have been my first clue that maybe he wasn't as old as he said he was.

When I got in his car I noticed that it smelled suspiciously like the strong smoke smell I once encountered at a Ludicrous concert. Could it be that my date got high before he picked me up? I decided to pretend like I didn't notice, but I did roll the window down for the drive. Upon arriving at the restaurant, we learned that without reservations, the wait would be at least two hours. Well, we where off to a good start, I had inhaled so many smoke fumes in his car I was ready to eat three pounds of Cheeto's and I would have to wait for at least two hours. However, in the meantime, I ordered a glass of wine and tried to figure out how to explain to the dry cleaners that I always wore pink and brown pin stripped pants and a cashmere sweater to a Ludicrous concert.

The conversation flowed pretty good until he said something about homework. HOMEWORK?? Excuse me?? Apparently he let it slip that he was still in college. Not a problem, surely he was working on his masters. Nope, he was actually a sophomore, and he was actually only 20, which is why he actually told he bar tender he had left his id in the car. I have never had a problem with age difference, but like I've said before, I do have a problem with lying. Still, I didn't want to get upset and ruin the night, so I just acted like it wasn't a big deal.

Not long after I finished my first glass of wine, a very high ranking state official stopped by the bar to say hello to me. I work in the same building and often run into him, so it was not uncommon to exchange pleasantries when I saw he and his wife out. However it was uncommon for me to smell like a big joint, and I'm sure he noticed my new perfume, and headed to the closest vending for some munchies after talking with me. At this point during the evening I was starting to get uncomfortable, but still, it was Valentines Day, so I remained calm.

When we finally did get to eat dinner, I ordered off the V Day special menu, so my food would come quicker. I ordered the cheapest thing offered, because the boy I was out with had explained (over my second glass of wine), that he was actually struggling to make enough money to pay tuition, his parents weren't helping him, and he lived with 4 other guys in a 2 bedroom house just so he could afford rent. How terrible for him, I was lucky that my parents paid for my college and all I had to concentrate on was getting good grades. -Yes I know I am spoiled-

When we finished dinner and the boy gave the waiter his credit card to pay the check I finally began to feel more relaxed, it could have been the three glasses of wine, or it could have been the fact that I knew I would be at home soon. Or so I thought! The boy wanted to go see a movie. I was not interested in that idea at all, but it was V Day, so what the hell right?

We waited for a good twenty minutes before the waiter came back with the credit card and check. It had been declined, the waiter said he even called the company for the boy. No go. So the boy jumped up and went to call the company himself. At this time the waiter offered me another glass of wine, or some dessert perhaps. I knew I was going to be paying the check, so I settled for a glass of water. About a half hour later the boy came back, ask me if I could pay the tab, and assured me he would pay me back. He even promised to go straight to the ATM. I paid the check, taking special notice that my meal was under $30 while my date had steak and lobster at $80.

When we left the restaurant, and got back into the Cheech and Chong Mobile, strangely enough the boy didn't say a word. He drove me straight to my apt. and told me that he would have to bring me the money later he had forgotten his ATM card. Big Surprise!! I went directly inside and threw up. And I continued to throw up for the next eight hours. Turns out I had gotten food poison, maybe I shouldn't have ordered the $24 sea bass. The perfect end to the perfect night!!

The next day I drug myself to work. All of my female co-workers where waiting to see how my evening went. I've never heard such laughter as I gave them the play by play. Although I did get several bags of Cheato's as gifts from them for the next week! When I got home from work that day I was surprised by a vase of flowers on my door step. The boy had sent me flowers and ask me out again. But the funny thing was there was no money en the envelope. So, I called him to thank him, but told him I didn't think we should go out again.
This was just one of many crazy dates I've been on in the past two years. I've gone on a lot of first dates, and from the above read, it's obvious why. I attract the crazies, or at least that's what I've been told. Crazy they may be, but good stories they definitely make!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

I Have Commitment Issues, I Don't Want To Commit Vol. II

I promised I would get into my "I want what I want when I want it" explanation in my previous post. I've thought about how I have come to be in this state of mind, and there are several situations that run through my head. Could it be my first embarrassing heart break when I was still in college? By embarrassing I mean, I walked in on my long term boyfriend and one of my good friends doing some really friendly things to each other. Now most people have probably seen this scenario on television, but let me tell you there's nothing like seeing it live, in action, and in your bedroom, in your home. This was the beginning of the end of my emotional attachment to the opposite sex.

Then there was the really sweet guy, the one who came along just when you needed him. The one that was way to sweet for a "rebound" guy, but he took on the role and gave it 100%. Even when I told him I couldn't be more than just friends, he told me he loved me and would wait on me forever. Again, this is what most girls want, but for me the timing was terrible.

After that there was a string of "ungetable" guys. The kind I definitely would never take home to meet the fam, but at the same time, they where fun and there was definitely no chance of seriousness or heartache. This has always been the kind of "wrong relationship" I have been good at, the ones that you know won't go any where from the start, but it's a lot of fun to just play them out with no pressure.

I also dated a guy for a couple of months who liked to buy my affection. He got my attention with a crazy expensive watch, kept it with roses sent to my office every week, and lost it when he gave me a diamond necklace (in front of my family) and told me that some day the diamonds would be made into a wedding ring. Yeah, this was Mr. I want a family right now. I was way to young to be interested in starting a family, and way to smart to be bought with expensive presents. That ended quickly, and I got to keep some nice parting gifts.

Then all of a sudden I fell in love. Just when you least expect it, just when you think you've got everything figured out, love hits you in the face. And it hit me pretty hard. This was the most serious, grown up relationship I'd ever been in. Turns out we grew up just miles from each other. Turns out we had never met, but had lots of mutual friends. Turns out, this was going to be a mess! We eventually talked about moving to a town where I could pursue a career. He was pretty settled, but assured me that he was ready to leave his small hometown and make a life with me. Things seemed wonderful, except for just a few minor details. His mother hated me, she actually said I was going to hell because I didn't attend the same church as her. Could this have been The Church for the Judgmental that I was missing out on every Sunday? Also, we couldn't seem to find him a job. It was the strangest thing, I would find some good positions that where open, I would call some people that I knew in the Ag Industry to try to help out my sweet boyfriend, we would fax his resume, and a week or so later he would tell me that the company he applied at had already filled the position. This made no sense to me. He was so smart, so focused, so dedicated to his career.

I had been waiting to make a move together for nearly a year. Well job for him or not I was moving, I was going places, and I was going to start my career. I just hoped it would be with him by my side and not hours from me. So I left, I got a great job, a great apartment, and started looking for him something great too, something that would be worth him moving and selling his house. Then he broke up with me. Just like that he told me it wasn't working, just like that my happy relationship was over, just like that I had no idea what hit me. It took awhile, but I pulled it together. I had no idea that the entire relationship had been based on lies anyway.

The funny thing is, every time I went home to visit my friends and family, he always knew I was coming home. He always called, he always told me he missed me, he always told me that he wanted to try to work things out. I always feel for it, every time. It took me six months to realize that he was toxic for me, and this didn't occur to me until one night I told him I couldn't do this any more. I didn't ever want to see or talk to him again. I have no idea where this strength came from, but I just blurted it out, and he broke down. He told me that the reason he never moved and couldn't get a job is because he lied to me about going to college. He never went, he never wanted to. He also told me that he had been seeing other girls, he had been engaged twice and he was still paying for a car he bought a girl a few years back. I had always heard rumors of his engagements, but I had never believed it, and now I wondered what else he had lied to me about. It was the final straw, I never spoke to him again, and I've never missed him since then.

Since him there hasn't been any one guy that I thought I was meant to be with. There have been several "Mr. Right Now's", but no "Mr. Right", and I think I like it this way. I don't have to get emotional, and I don't have to get attached. I know for sure that I don't want someone who cheats on me, in my bed or any where else, I don't someone if the timing is off, I don't want someone I can't take home to meet the family, I don't want someone who buys my affection, and I don't want someone who lies to me for no reason when the truth is much simpler. This is how I have come to the decision that I want what I want when I want it. I think I deserve it that!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

I Have Commitment Issues, I Don't Want To Commit Vol. I

This is my first official blog post, and I think it's important to get a feel for who I am and how I have arrived at this point in my life. I have a very easy going personality. I get along with most, love many, and seem to find a new crush as often as I change clothes. However, since I have this kind of personality, I rarely get upset by or attached to any one crush. This makes for an interesting weekend, but it never makes for an interesting month. So I am going to share some of my "crush" stories and this will prove how I have gotten to the "I have commitment issues, I don't want to commit" point in my life.

I met this guy about a year ago. He is one of thoes good on paper, fun to drink with, always makes you laugh kind of guys. And he's not bad looking either. This sounds like the perfect guy. We saw each other off and on for about a week, and it was great. No pressure, no stress, I was totally myself. happened. He said the only words that truly make me nervous, the kind of nervous where my stomach hurts a little and I just want to lay on the couch alone and watch something on tv that will take my mind off of the words. He said, "I really like you, love spending time with you, this is going to be a great thing". Well, at this point I knew my good on paper, fun to drink with, always make me laugh, and good looking guy was now going to just be a friend...but still with all of the above qualities. Why would any normal 20 something girl all of a sudden change her mind about this guy you ask? Because I don't want to commit. I want what I want, when I want it. That could be the most terrible thing about me. But we will talk about that later.

Anyway, over the course of the next year my good on paper, etc. guy and I remained friends. We would e-mail occasionally, joke and laugh when we ran into each other at a bar, and always have great casual conversation with no pressure. And then it happened...again. A couple of weeks ago we decided to go out (as friends--or so I thought) and get "crazy" on a Friday night. He avoided my favorite bar like the plague that night. I couldn't understand why he kept talking me into going to these random, off the beaton path bars on a Friday night. Who in their right mind does these things? Well it didn't take me long to realize that the person who does these things, is a person with a secret. A secret girlfriend that is. When I finally got it out of him that his girlfriend was at my favorite bar listening to the band I had been waiting weeks to see, all I could ask was, "why didn't you just tell me?". I just wanted to be friends anyway. This is the point where it happened again, he told me that if there was any chance we (he and I) would become a couple or he would at least have some kind of shot with me, then he thought it was important to lie to his girlfriend and spend time with me. While this sounds super sweet, and most girls would be so happy about this, it made me very upset. I can't stand someone lying. It's my major pet peeve...just tell the truth! Needless to say at this point I had to tell him...again...that I just thought of him as a friend, a great guy who makes me laugh and is fun to drink with. I also told him that I didn't appreciate that fact that he lied to his girlfriend, and I thought it would be better if I found a ride home, i.e. call a cab.

Why would I want to trust a guy (even if he is good on paper, fun to drink with, makes me laugh and is pretty good looking) if he is just going to lie to me to hang out with some girl that he used to have a thing for? This is just one more reason why committment seems so over rated to me.

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