Friday, March 31, 2006

The Night She Lost It

She had been waiting on this night for so long. She had thought about it so many times as she laid in bed trying to fall asleep. She knew this was going to be a major turning point in her life, she knew this night might change her forever.

She must have changed clothes a hundred times that night. She contemplated a skirt, but settled on jeans. She wanted to be comfortable, but she wanted to look good too. At the last minute, right before she walked out the door, she added her favorite belt, the brown one with the big, silver, square buckles. The belt hung low on her hips, it looked just how it always did. Perfect.

Two hours later, it was exactly how she thought it would be. She'd had a couple of Miller's, she was relaxed, she was ready to have a good time. She wanted to hear the words she'd longed to hear. She wanted her body to be completely exhausted, she wanted to be sweaty, and have that glow that she had waited so long for.

Half way through she knew this was one of the best nights of her life. She was in a complete trance, she didn't hear anything or see anything but them. As she twirled around and shook her hips, she was in Heaven.

She finished her third beer, and realized it was her turn to buy a round. As she walked to the bar, regretful to leave the close proximity of the stage, she realized her life had just changed. She lost something that was very important to her. She panicked a little as she realized the significance of it. She knew she would never get it back. It wasn't something she would be able to find, it was gone. And even her surroundings couldn't change the fact that she was a little sad to see it go. She had held on to it for so long, it had been a major part of her life.

As she walked back towards them, her mood lightened. She was at the best concert she had ever been to. As the band began playing "Boys From Oklahoma" she realized, she would replace her lost belt somehow, some way.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Anonymity Knows Me Well

The following was written as an anonymous comment this morning. I don't know who wrote it, but it must be someone who knows me well. It's very fitting and very much me. Thanks to whoever wrote it, don't be a stranger, sign your work. I would really like to know who did this for me.
Thanks so much!
Love, Anne

Ode to Anne

Your mother shared it with you... when you were just a little girl.
You were friends with it when life was fresh in your own.... little world.
You shared it with your baby doll, little brother and your jacks and ball
Still you’re the only one that can make the call...
Do you hum along with it or sing the song…..

It’s made you laugh and it’s made you want to cry...
It’s always there to count’s as big as the blue sky
It left its mark to tell the time...through hard rock, rap and country time
And when the fading day is almost through
You will know if you should rock or sing the blues

You’ve shared it with your girlfriends and even driving all alone
From Arkansas to Nashville until Missouri you’d come home...
It’s held your hand when a loved one’s died, to help you cope and reason why
Still you’re the only one that can read the sign...
Will it be the first hello or the last goodbye

It’s made you laugh and it’s made you want to cry...
It’s always there to count on... it’s as big as the blue sky...
It left its mark to tell the time….through gospel , punk and miller time...
And when the fading day is almost through
You will know if you should rock or sing the blues

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

This Is What I've Needed

As I close my eyes and listen, I can hear it relaxing me. I lay back and listen to that voice I haven't heard in awhile. I take a deep breath and feel my tensions melt, it's been to long.

This is what I've needed. Why have I gone so long without it? I crave it now. I've always had a connection to it, but now I need it all the time. It does so many wonderful things for me.

It takes me back to memories of easier days. It makes me laugh and cry at the same time. It makes me remember that drive, it makes me remember that day. It makes me miss things I don't have any longer.

I miss it, I miss the love of my life.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

And Not A Word Was Said

As she pulled out of the driveway that day, she knew it would be the last time she saw him that way. She may bump into him in the future, she may hear his name, but it would never be the same.

Before she left she had the guts to ask him when she would see him again. He didn't say anything, he just looked at her and gave her a hug.

She knew that she had made the right decision. She knew that deep down he didn't care about her, he just liked the idea of her. But she also knew that to much had passed, to much had changed, she had stayed to long.

He would never look at her in the same light, he would never wonder about her, he knew her now. Or at least he thought he did. But what he didn't know was just how wrong about her he was.

As she drove home that day she wondered if she would ever hear from him again. Probably not. But either way, she wished him the best. She knew when she ask him when, and not a word was said.

Monday, March 27, 2006

5 Hours And Just A Breath Away

I spent a three day weekend with him. I got to meet his friends and people he has gotten to know. I got to see what it's like to be with him. I had a great time, actually a better time than I thought I would. I fell for the way he treated me. How he introduced me to everyone. He held my hand and was affectionate in public. He did the things I love and never seem to find.

The weekend seemed to last forever and it seemed to fly by at the same time. My stay wasn't near long enough, but it was just the right amount of time for me to realize a few things. I would love to just close my eyes and fall back with him, but I know I can't do that. I keep fighting it. I'm a realist, I know there is a small chance I will see him again. I haven't even talked to him since I left yesterday. I don't know if I ever will again. I hate that thought, but at the same time, I will always remember him the way he was this past weekend, and that will always be a good memory.

Depending on his future, which I hope is bright and successful, he may be just 5 hours away, but I wish it was more like just a breath away.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

I Keep Telling Myself

Relax and breath, I keep telling myself that. This has disaster written all over it, but don’t worry Anne, it won't hurt if you don't get attached. It's just for fun, not for keeps Anne. I keep telling myself that.

I try to think about all of the things I've written about in the past. I think about how I'm an unattainable spinster, about how I look at life like a man, about how I'm a speed dater. I try to think of these things, and not think about him. But I just don't think it's working, I didn't get what I wanted, or at least I haven't gotten it yet.

I can't help but like him, he's so sweet. He says the right things, he's fun, he's different. He's also unattainable, I keep telling myself that.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

The Wild Weekend

Since St. Pats Day fell on a Friday this year, it made for a crazy weekend. I spent Friday night in the River Market in LR, and Saturday I drove to Memphis to stay with my favorite cousin, and go to the Kid Rock concert. So the weekend was action packed.

Friday night saw to many vodka tonics. It was crazy crowded at the bar, but we had a great time anyway.

Saturday we got to Memphis and started in on the Green Monsters (A drink my cousin invented, Stone Vodka, tonic water, and Sour Apple Flavoring). We went down to Beale and ate at the Mexican/Italian Pizza Taco place. They even have shrimp cocktail, what a combination. I think this may be my new favorite place to eat in Memphis. We went to the concert and it was WILD. The cheap (actually very expensive) beer was flowing. We had seats way up in the rafters, but we didn't care. We could hear the music, see Kid Rock, and feel the heat from the pyrotechnics. It was quite a show. My guy friends with us had more interest in the 4 stripers (complete with striper poles) Kid Rock has on state at all times, then they did the rest of the show.

After the concert we planned on going to Kid Rocks after party, but we didn't make it. We went to several mid-town divers, and it was great. We played Shuffle Board, drank real cheap beer, and had some great Cheeseburgers (drunk food). We got home around 4:30 am (for the second night in a row). I was completely worn out on Sunday.

This coming weekend I am planning a trip to Nashville to see my friend Shy. He has to make it through round two of Nashville Star, which is tonight. If he makes it to next week, I'm off to NV on Friday morning. Don't forget to go vote for him if you get a chance, and check out the show. He is singing "Sweet Home Alabama" tonight, it's gonna rock!

Friday, March 17, 2006

Rekindled Friendship

Last summer before I moved to Charlotte I went to see my favorite band, Cross Canadian when they came to LR. Of course CCR was awesome, but the band that opened for them, Shy Blakeman and Whiskey Fever, rocked also. The lead singer had so much energy. He was so much fun to watch, and when they covered Marshall Tucker, the crowd went wild. It was great. After the show I met Shy, and we got to talking. We ended up spending they next couple of hours hanging out, talking, drinking, and two-stepping. I had such a good time. We exchanged numbers and talked for the next couple of weeks.

Then one afternoon I returned a missed call from him only to have his girlfriend yell at me. I didn't know he had a girlfriend, I was a little surprised, but I was more upset because I knew I would miss my new friend. Shy said we couldn't talk any more while his girlfriend yelled in the back ground that I better not call him again. So I never called him again, and he never tried to contact me either.

Then while flipping through the channels on Tuesday night, I saw Shy. He is a contestant on Nashville Star this season. I was so surprised, I ended up watching the whole show. It wasn't really my kind of thing, but Shy's performance was great. I decided it had been long enough. Girlfriend or not, I was at least going to e-mail him and tell him congrats. So I did just that, yesterday. He e-mailed me back and apologized for that day and that now ex-girlfriend. He said he felt really bad about all of that and he hoped we could be friends again. So, we have rekindled our friendship. It's so strange, because it's like we have been friends this whole time, like we haven't missed a thing. We've talked on the phone several times, and I just may go to Nashville next weekend and see him.

So, this is a shameless plug, please go vote for him if you get a chance. He is very talented, and fun to watch. He deserves to stick around for awhile and show people what he can do!!!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

MySpace, My New Favorite Place

I just got Myspace a few weeks ago. Okay, I love it!!! It's such a great, easy way to stay caught up with friends. It's fun to find people you haven't talked to forever, see their pictures, their pages, their comments about themselves. What a great invention. I mean seriously, how fun!!!

I do have a few concerns though. Fist of all, anyone can see when you're on-line (I'm sure there is a way around this, I just don't know it yet). This sort of freaks me out because it's almost like an invasion of privacy. Also, I don't like getting request to add from people I don't know, or people I don't want to add. If I don't add someone, they can totally go to my page and see that I didn't add them. That sort of makes me nervous, I don't want to put people on there just for the sake of having more people. I want to have my friends, cute boys, that type of thing, not random people that I'm not friends with.

Even with these reservations, I still love myspace, it's my new favorite place.

If you don't have myspace, you should definitely get it.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Goodbye My Good Friend

One of my best friends recently moved back to Washington D.C. She and I have been friends for a couple of years. She is the one I call when I need nonbiased advice on a recent, current, or past dating disaster. She is one I call when someone has hurt my feelings. She is the one I call when I need to unload, she is the one I call when I have big news. I am the one she calls to see how my day went. I am the one she calls to see if I want to eat dinner with her and her family, she is the one who calls during her long drive to her parents house.

She is a good friend. I will miss her a lot. She left last week, and I was sick with the flu. I didn't really get to say bye to her. I actually lost my patience with her (because I felt like I was knocking on deaths door) and for that I want to tell my sweet friend I'm sorry. I hope DC is everything you want it to be, but not enough to keep you away from AR for to long.

I'll miss you lot's. Love you good friend.

Friday, March 10, 2006

You're Pretty Hott For White Trash

I should have known I wouldn't get any sleep. Six sorority sisters, their dates, and a couple of Air Force guys thrown in,-- it was going to be a wild time. It was Friday night (actually early Saturday morning) and I had to be at work at noon. I had a big event I had been planning for months, alot was riding on it. I should have knew better than to get a hotel room with all of these drunk people. I should have driven back to LR instead of staying the night in Memphis. I should have done a lot of things that night, but it had been two years since I had seen most of these people, and I wanted to catch up with them.

At 3am it was obvious I wasn't going to get any sleep. The music was blaring in the room, one of the AF guys had just come back with about 10 lbs. of chicken wings (drunk food), a couple of the girls where singing and dancing on the bed (that I was trying desperately to sleep in), and everyone else was smoking. It didn't look like this party was going to end any time soon.

As much as I wanted to stay, I knew if I was going to be responsible for work the next morning, I had to find a place to sleep, I had to get out of that hotel room. The room had been a last minute decision by the group. There where no rooms to be had downtown, so we basically gave the front desk guy $500 in cash and a credit card to put the room on. He pocketed the cash, and we got a single king room on the top floor, we had to access the elevator with a card. There was Champaign in the room, and a card from the hotel staff that read, "We hope your show went well. Please enjoy your stay in Memphis."

What show? How did we get such a plush room?

After I announced that I was leaving to go sleep at a friends house, I picked up my overnight bag and walked out into the hallway. I turned towards the elevator and there he was, the hottest white trash I had ever seen. He looked right at me.

He had on a green striped shit and his signature hat. His long hair was combed, there was a cigarette tucked behind his ear, and he had a five o'clock shadow. He gave me a half smile.

"You look just like Kid Rock," I said.

He laughed, "I am Kid Rock," he said.

"Your pretty hott for white trash," I said back.

He just looked at me, laughed, and walked down the hall.

It was amazing. I'm sure no girl has ever said that to him and meant every word of it. I was mesmerized. It was great. I will never forget that moment.

I later found out that he had played in Memphis that night. That's why all of the downtown hotels had been booked. He will be in LR next Friday night, and in Memphis on Saturday. I have tickets to see him in Memphis, that's our town, it's where we first met. It's where I first saw that hott white trash. I'm excited to actually see him in concert, I've always liked his music, and I'd like to see that Hott White Trash again.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I Can't Get No Satisfaction (Or Tickets)

Okay, so it's pretty obvious from the tone of my previous posts, I am just not satisfied with a few things in my life right now. Not to be completely negative, I’m happy with my family, friends, job, and Louie V. But there is still something missing, or someone. Could it be that I need a night with Mic?

I think my year would be made, I would be happy and content, if I could just get satisfied. If I could just get tickets to tomorrow nights Rolling Stones concert in Little Rock. I could have gotten tickets a while back, but I didn't want to pay upwards of $200. Now I wish I would have made a budget and bought the tickets. I would love to see Mic strutting his stuff on stage, and Keith trying to stay upright while playing the guitar. I would love to hear them play "Paint It Black", "Sympathy for the Devil", and of course, my all time fav, "Honky Tonk Woman". But, it looks like I will be dancing and singing to the Stones Greatest Hits in my living room tomorrow night, instead of at a concert with 9,000 screaming fans.

I will have to say though, if I make the concert (which is looking pretty doubtful), it will make for one hell of a post on Friday morning. That is, if I can function.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Looking At Life Like A Man

A girlfriend of mine pointed something out to me this past weekend. She said, "Anne, you date like a guy, you seriously do."

Could this be? Surely not, how can I date like a guy? Well I've been thinking about it the past few days, and my friend may have a point. I do have quite a few guy like personality traits (personality only, not physical). I love to hunt and fish, I love NASCAR, I can quote guy movies all day long. I can actually get into a quote war with movies like Joe Dirt, Tombstone, Lonesome Dove, (I am already quoting lines from the movie Ricky Bobby, and it won't be out until like August.) this is something none of my girlfriends can do. In fact, my best girlfriend is convinced that's one of the reasons guys are attracted to me is because of my extensive knowledge of Joe Dirt and other guy flicks. She is planning on renting the movie this weekend. She thinks it might "help her game".

So obviously I'm a bit of a tomboy. Okay, but what about the "dating like a guy part"? How have I come to that? Well, first of all, from previous reads, it's obvious to see my slow transgression towards my current attitude. I haven't dated anyone that interests me, no one that really challenges me. I get bored, I get tired of bs. I run around all weekend, meet guys, and don't think twice about them. This sounds like a lot of guys I know. So are there other girls out there like me? Are there other girls out there that love guys, love the way they look, the way they smell, the way they make us feel, but just haven't found one worth loving?

Well I don't know how to get out of this state of mind. How do I stop looking at things like a man? I wish I really knew Joe Dirt, he would know what to do. He would say Ann, "You got to keep on keepin' on, you can't have no in your heart".

Monday, March 06, 2006

Unattainable Spinster

I think I'm starting to develop quite a problem. I have been serial dating like crazy lately. I've been going out with my friends, meeting really cute guys, and not giving a damn if I ever hear from them again. I just don't care, I love to meet them, I love to flirt and have fun, but I don't care enough about them to hang out with them again.

Except for two guys, one who rejected me and the other is still around, but on a very casual level, I don't care if I ever see any of the guys that I've dated since the New Year again. I just don't need the hassle, and I never liked them much anyway.

I met the most beautiful guy I've ever seen a couple of weeks ago. In fact, my good friend and I just nicknamed him "Beautiful", he was that good looking. I mean, totally gorgeous. I've bumped into him a few times since that first night I met him, and we have always flirted a little bit, it's always been fun and light. I ran into him on Saturday, and we flirted and talked, and I realized, I liked the chase of it, but I didn't really care if we ever went on a real date. He said he would like to take me out to dinner sometime, but when he never ask me for my number, I didn’t even care. In fact, I didn't offer it.

I don't like what I've become. But I don't know how to change it. Should I just pretend like I'm into the guys I meet? Should I pretend like I want to go out with these really cute, sweet guys? If I do this will I maybe decide I like one of them? I think that sounds to much like I'm trying to talk myself into it. I don't think that's what I want. But, I'm not happy with the person I've become, and I need to make some major changes. I just don't really know how.

I'm worried I've become unattainable. I'm worried I am turning into a spinster in my mid 20's. I'm worried I won't be able to snap out of this.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Mr. Right Now

I have met so many Mr. Right Now's lately. It's been so long since I met a potential Mr. Right, that I probably wasn't mature enough to see him in that light. Maybe, just maybe I've met some great boys, but I haven't been in the right state of mind. Actually, I think that's one of the things that's been happening. Of the numerous new boys I have met recently, none of them really had that "stick" quality. You know, that thing that makes you want them around. That spark, that energy, whatever.

I don't want to settle for a guy that is reliable and "comfortable". Now I know I always use the word comfortable, but I don't want a guy that's like an old shoe. I want a high healed, metallic, Manolo Blahnik that looks amazing. I want style and edge. Okay, so yes, all of this superficial crap is true, I would love all of these things. But it's not me. That's not who I am. Maybe that's because I've never had this.

*Sigh* I just want to be swept off my feet. And not by someone who wants to change me, mold me, or make me "better". Not by someone who wants to get married or talk about marriage a week after we meet. Not by someone who wants to discuss how we will "raise our children" a week after we meet, and not by someone who thinks that W. Bush is the greatest thing that has ever happened to this country *gag*. I don't want a Mr. Right Now, but I could go for a Mr. Cute, Normal, Sweet, Thoughtful, Caring, Non-Crazy (liberal preferred, but optional), Music Loving Guy, who works out daily. (I think this could be another myth, I don't think they make them this way.)

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