Small Southern Town 4th Of July Check List

Sunscreen-check
Cooler Cups-check
Rainbow Flip Flops-check
Sun Glasses-check
Dog Food-check
Frisbee-check
Camera-check
Dad's Belated Father's Day Gift-check
Football-still need one
New Orange Bikini (guaranteed to make the boyfriend drool)-check

The boyfriend and I are loading up and going to my small southern town for the weekend. He's never been home with me, so he's in for a treat! Fishing, skiing, tubing, and swimming on the Mississippi River all weekend. This is my idea of a perfect trip home. He'll get to meet my friends and the rest of my family. He'll get to eat some great food, and we will definitely partake in some adult beverages. Oh, and did I mention that we are taking the dogs?
So lovelies, I hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th of July! I'll be back next week (probably with a mild sunburn and a twinge of a hangover)

August And Everything After

"Round here, she's always on my mind. Round here, hey man got lots of time. Round here we're never sent to bed early, and no body makes us wait, round here we stay up very, very, very, very late."

I must have listened to that song a hundred times that summer as my mom and I drove to Tennessee to D's Designs. It was early August, I was 14, and about to start high school. I never realized how fast those four years would go by, I didn't have as much time as I thought. I was focused on paginates that summer. I was the biggest tomboy, but I loved to get dressed up and walk across the stage. So my mom drove me to Tennessee several times that summer for dress fittings. Those car rides used to wear me out. I hated the two hour drive, and we always left early in the morning. I had usually been up late the night before, so I just wanted to sleep on the way there, but mom always wanted to talk. I realize now how precious those trips were.

We would listen to County Crows and sing out loud. There was a great little diner across from D's were they had the best Ruben's I'd ever eaten. I would have at least two every time we went. I was lucky my mom never mentioned watching my weight as I was being fitted for a $700 dress with a corned beef sandwich in one hand and a can of coke in the other. But that's mom, she let me be a kid while I was trying my best to seem grown up.

That was such a long time ago. It's strange that I realize now just how important that time was in my life. I was right on the edge of womanhood, but I still liked to play basketball with the boys on the goal that my dad put up in the driveway. I might be dove hunting with the family one morning, and in a paginate that evening. And through all of that my mom was there to haul me around, console me when I didn't place in a paginate, cheer me up with junk food and more trips to D's. She would pick me up at softball practice, and drive me an hour to a hotel so I could shower and get dressed up to walk across stage in a floor length gown.

"Round here, we're caving out our names. Round here, we all look the same. Round here we talk just like lions, but we sacrifice like lambs."

Shoe Monster

I love shoes, I do. I love the way stilettos make me feel sexy. I love the way my newly manicured toes look in a pair of strappy sandals. I love my snakeskin BCBG sling backs with the red toe, I love my new bronze hills with the rhinestone accents on the buckle. I love how versatile my Rainbow flip-flops are. I wear them with jeans, on the river, every where. So when something happens to a pair of my shoes, it's serious business.

I am constantly repairing heels, or resoling, I spend a lot of money on my shoes, but they are worth it to me. So something has recently been causing a lot of trouble with my shoe supply. They have been disappearing out of my closet. That's right, gone, vanished, missing!

I can't explain what is happening. It all started a few weeks ago. I got up and got dressed for work as usual. But when I went to get my black, tall, strappy sandals out of my closet, they were gone. I tore through my closet like a wild woman, pulling out shoe boxes, tennis shoes, house shoes, but no black, tall, strappy sandals. What could have happened to them? Because of this incident I had to change clothes, making me late for work. I thought and thought about the last time I had worn them. Could it be possible that I lost them? I remember clearly that I wore them just a few days before, and I had put them away like I always did. This made no sense.

The next day, same story, only this time it was my copper Ralph Lauren sandals missing. This was starting to get a little ridiculous. Again, thinking back, I had just worn them not two weeks earlier. Two days later the Ralph Lauren's were back in my closet, but a hot pink shoe box holding my all time favorite sexy, black BCBC stilettos was missing.

Could it be possible that I have a shoe monster living in my house somewhere? I know my roommate wouldn't wear them. He has four legs and a tail, expensive shoes are lost on him. So what is happening to my shoes? I wondered briefly if the boyfriend's dog had eaten them, and he had hidden the evidence. But he said that wasn't the case and he hadn't seen them. The only two people that have a key to my place is my neighbor, who wears a shoe 3 sizes smaller than my own, and the boyfriend, and he promises he did not borrow them.

Well after two weeks I can't go on without a pair of black, strappy sandals. It looks like I will be taking a shopping trip this evening to replace them. But what about my favorite BCBG's that I won't be able to replace because they only made them last season? I guess I will have to find some new all time favorite sexy, black stilettos.

While I'm pissed about the shoes, I'm also pissed about the money. I love shoes, but I have expensive taste, and I tend to spend a lot of money on a pair of shoes that I know will last me a long time. So, if anyone wants to send a donation to the "Buy Anne Some New Sexy Shoes Fund" let me know and I will give you an address were checks or cash maybe sent! Oh, and if you see a Black Lab or a gold and white Chihuahua wearing shoes that look suspiciously like the ones described above, please contact me. Both dogs looked like they were hiding something when I ask them about the missing shoes.

I Like What We Have Too

Things aren't perfect, but what's perfect? Things aren't always happy, but the good times WAY outweigh the bad. We have flaws, but everyone has flaws. We aren't a brand new couple any more, it's been a few months. There are some things I don't just love about him, but I'm sure he has his things too.

It's been long enough, and we've spent enough time together that, for me, it's time to consider a few things. Is this just an attraction, an infatuation, or could this be something that has some longevity? How would I feel if it ended, would it be difficult for me?

These thoughts have been in my head a little, especially since we had a little drama a few weeks back. But last night, it sorta made sense. He said to me, "Anne, I like what we have." I let it sink it, and I realized, we are going to disagree about things, we are going to piss each other off sometimes, we aren't perfect. But, I like what we have too.

Candle Light And Cops

What do you get when you cross a yummy meal, candle light, slow music, a break in, and the LR Police Department? You get my Friday night!

I planned all week, I was so excited. I was going to cook a romantic dinner for the boyfriend on Friday night. I grocery shopped, I cleaned up-just a little, I picked out a cute but casual skirt, I shaved my legs. I had my favorite perfume on, Aroma Geisha, that I'm about out of and can't purchase any where. I had slow music in the stereo, I had candles ready to be lit. I was totally prepared for a nice romantic evening at home with the boyfriend.

What I wasn't prepared for was the phone call I got a little later. My next door neighbor had been staying with her daughter and son in law all week. They just had their first baby, a sweet little boy, and my neighbor was needed to help them get settled in. I picked up her mail like I always do when she is out of town. She got home on Friday, and it was so great to see her. She came straight over before even going into her house. We had a cold beer while I cooked dinner and we got all caught up. The boyfriend arrived about five minutes after the neighbor left, and that's when I got the phone call.

"Anne, would you come right over, and bring the boyfriend? Something is disturbing me, and I need you here," said my neighbor.

Of course we rushed right over. The neighbors house had been broken into while she was gone. Nothing was missing, but they had managed to break several antiques while trying to climb through the window, and they destroyed the locks on her window. We think when they broke a bunch of glass they got scared and ran off. The strange thing is, they took the time to pull the window and screen back down, so I didn't notice it when I was getting the mail. The also broke into the window on the busiest street.

I called a friend of mine who is a detective for the city, and he suggested we call the police and file a report. The police were great, very helpful, and very nice. My neighbor was a bit shook up. We sat outside on the back steeps and waited for the officers to show up, and at one point she said to me, "I'm going to get some more alcohol, let me know when the cops show up." Now that's something you don't usually hear.

After the reports were given, and the neighbor was more relaxed, the boyfriend and I went home to enjoy our nice romantic dinner. I cooked a beer chicken in the crock pot, green bean bundles, and mashed potatoes. It was a great meal, the boyfriend brought a bottle of wine, and a we just ate and relaxed. I had planned on dessert and slow dancing in the living room after dinner. But we ended up sitting outside with the neighbor and talking instead.

We did find time for slow dancing though. A little Damian Rice and candle light, as soon as the cops left.

Trying To Shift Back

When relationships first start, there is a certain element there, a certain spark, a certain bliss. Things are sweet, hands are held, kisses on the forehead are frequent, things are easy. But eventually these things fade a little, sometimes they almost disappear all together. So what causes this? What induces this change?

For some relationships, they just fade because there is a certain comfortableness there that makes those sweet sentiments not really necessary any more. In some relationships, the sentiments were never really real in the first place. So when the "show" part of the relationship is over, so are the forehead kisses and flowers for no reason. But other relationships take a turn that inadvertedly causes a shift, and with this shift, the sentiments change.

I think this is what happened with me. Then again I could be getting way ahead of myself and this is not happening at all.

Obviously there has been a turn, more like a head on collision that threw me in the other direction. I'm worried that maybe in my attempt to hold on to what I had, I may have pushed it away, and with it my guy who gives me Gerber Daises, takes me fishing, replaces my lost hat, slow dances with me in the living room, and generally just makes me really happy. I really like all of these things. I've never really had this before, and I'm not ready to give it up yet.

This makes me wonder, in relationships, how can you shift back?

What I Should Have Said

Apparently I let my emotions (and to much alcohol) get the better of me this weekend. I threw quite the little fit on Saturday night, thank goodness it was out of site of the party goers that showed up at the boyfriends house after a long day on the river.

The day started out okay with me picking up breakfast for myself and the boyfriend. He had some chores to take care of before we could head out to the river, so I busiest myself with a grocery list. A couple of hours later, we loaded up, headed to the ramp, and drove down river to the lock. We had decided to put in close to the boyfriends house and lock by the dam, something none of us had ever done before. It was pretty awesome, and it also gave everyone a chance to have four or five beers before we got to the sandbar.

Once we met up with friends and unloaded the boat we hauled people across the river and the serious drinking began. By the time dinner was being cooked, I was pretty well intoxicated. Apparently I made the comment to the boyfriend, who was trying his best to cook dinner for all the hungry drinkers, that I didn't want one of his sand burgers or sand dogs. While I don't recall saying this, it was definitely not the right thing to say to someone who is trying his best to flip burgers with a boat paddle because someone forgot to pack a spatula. What I should have said was that I definitely wanted a burger, and I should have helped him cook the food. I would have done both, had I been a little more sober.

After dinner, which I didn't eat, we began loading up and taking people across river. We still had to lock and had at least a 30 minute boat ride after that. It was very dark outside, I spot lighted buoys the entire time, and we made it back to the creak safe and sound. What I didn't expect to see when we got back to the boyfriends house was a party starting. Apparently I decided I should go home because I wasn't in the party mood. The boyfriend would not let me drive, thank goodness, but we did have quite the argument because of this. What I should have said was thank you for caring enough about me to keep me safe. But instead I tried to explain to him that I just wanted to go home and get in my own bed. Obviously other parts of the conversation aren't quite so clear. Bits and pieces have been coming back, and it hasn't been pretty. Apparently I was quite the handful on Saturday night.

Eventually the boyfriend brought me some food, I took a shower and went to bed. He was pretty patient with me considering I was acting like a total idiot. I feel a little bit uncomfortable with us now. And it's my own fault. I let some things get to me that I shouldn't have, and rather than trying to be a grown up, I acted like a child, a drunken child at that. I must admit that I'm a little worried my actions will be forgiven but not forgotten.

What I should have said was, "Thank you for taking me to the river on Saturday, I had a good time. I'm sorry for my drunken behavior and I’m sorry if I was less than nice to you. I don't know what came over me, actually that's a lie I do, and I'm very sorry. I hope you can forgive and forget most of the things I said. I do remember one very important thing I said to you, and I meant it, all three words of it."

Sit, Stay, Heal, Ex

"I've thought about it, and I don't think it's a good idea if you go on Saturday," he said to me as he looked at the ground. "It's just that, I don't want to do anything to intentionally hurt her feelings, she didn't do anything to deserve that."

This was the conversation we had just a little over a month ago. He was going to a wedding shower were he is the best man. He invited me as his date and then thought better of it because he didn't want to hurt the ex's feelings. At the time I was a little upset, I felt like he was putting her feelings before mine, but I understood and, as much as I hate to admit it, was appreciative of how thoughtful he was being. But it still hurt that he was thoughtful to an ex, and not to me. But, we made it though that. I went to a shower for a good friend of mine that night, he went to his shower, and afterward we met up and it was great. It was just a bump in the road, and in some ways it made us stronger. He promised me I would never have to worry about the ex's feelings again, from now on it was not an issue.

"I'm going to be keeping her dog this weekend while she is out of town," he said on the phone. "I think it's important to keep the line of communications open in case I need her to keep my dog when we go on vacation in August."

This was not something I was ready to hear. While we are fine, we are great in fact, I do hear about this certain ex a lot. From his friends, from him, even from his family, it makes it tough on me when I feel like I'm having to fill her shoes. The thing is though, she seems great, she seems like a fun time girl who is super nice. I'm not so insecure in the relationship that I’m worried that this whole "exchanges of dogs" will spark something between them again. It's more of the fact that it goes against my philosophy that and ex is and ex for a reason. I can understand him being friends with his ex, I’m still friends with most of mine. But, I don't keep their dogs, and I don't dis-invite my date based on how it will effect the ex.

Of course I voiced my opinion, that's what I do. I'm not one of those people who holds everything in until I explode. I don't think that's healthy. Of course it caused quite the rift between us for the better part of the day. After 6.5 miles on the treadmill, and 1.5 miles on the stair climber I still couldn't figure out where I was being irrational, I may have acted a little childish when we discussed it, but I wasn't asking to much, or at least I didn't think so. What it all came down to for me was that he was putting what was good for her above my feelings again, after he had promised he wouldn't. That was what it was really about for me. I told him I would never intentionally do something when I knew that it really bothered someone that I cared about. He said that I had nothing to worry about, that he was crazy about me. I believed him, I believe him still, but it doesn't make me feel better about the situation. After the talk there was only one thing to do, agree to disagree. He thinks it's okay, I don't, and that's all there is to it.

We have plans this weekend. Movies and snuggle time tonight, and the river tomorrow with some friends. However, now we are dog sitting for the ex's as well. Hopefully this will make me stronger, and hopefully babysitting won't become a common thing.

Through The Stomach To The Heart

As I've mentioned before, I love to cook. I don't always have the most original recipes, and lets face it, I'm the sister of a chef, I'm not expected to cook when I go home to visit. However, despite my family constantly calling me the "microwave queen" I have become quite comfortable in the kitchen. I don't cook a lot of exotic dishes, and I tend to cook the kind of food I like, which usually translates into meat and potatoes. But, I do cook, and the boyfriend is just brave enough to try my cooking.

I decided a while back I wanted to cook something I'd never tried before. Something not to challenging, but also something that wasn't to common around my house. So tonight, I'm headed straight to the boyfriends heart by route of his stomach. I'm cooking Cornish Game Hens, smashed garlic potatoes, rolls, and spinach salad with almonds and dried cranberries.

I've been thinking about this meal for several weeks, and I'm very excited. I'm going to baste the hens in a mixture of apple juice, honey, garlic, onions, and rosemary. I'm going to stuff them with oranges, and surely they will be delicious. I'm going to make smashed potatoes like my momma taught me to, with lots of butter and milk, and hopefully he will enjoy the Ben & Jerry's I bought for dessert.

A bottle of wine, a nice home cooked meal cooked with the best intentions, some Carmel Sutra, and hopefully straight to the heart with no signs of heartburn.

*This should have been posted yesterday, but Blogger was down all day*

Tough Love

I recently had a big falling out with a very good friend, my best in fact. It was very difficult for me, but I pretty much told her exactly what I thought. I didn't candy coat it, I didn't dance around the issues. I came right out and talked to her about what was bothering me. It was very difficult, probably more so for her.

The strange thing about the situation is that I wasn't mad at her. I wasn't pissed, I wasn't angry. When I talked to her, everything I said was brought on by my love for her. The entire time I remember thinking, don't lose your cool and don't lose your patience, she is very special to you, and you must stay focused and remember that this is probably very hard for her to hear.

This friend is so much like me that when the discussion was over, she did exactly what I would do. She put it behind her and we have moved on like nothing is wrong. Because it's not, everything is great again. The thing is, we are so much alike, we are both Alpha's, and I think this sometimes can cause tension between us. So I try to remember that even though I like to be the planner, and be in control, I can't be all the time.

This friend is so special that she wrote me a not to tell me how much I mean to her and how much she loves me. That's the kind of friend she is, some how she just knows what to say and how to say it. She knows when to remind you how important you are, and she does it in such a way that you feel like the most loved person in the world. But don't get me wrong, she is still as tough as nails!

I've Said

"This cork screw is junk," I remember saying that night. He had just brought me home and we thought a glass of wine on the front porch sounded like a good idea. After we fought to free the cork for several minutes we sat outside with a chilled glass of white and worked on getting to know each other. We had only known each other a week or so, but this would be one of many nights of fighting the cork screw and getting to know each other better.

A few weeks later we were off to see Cross Canadian Ragweed, my favorite band! He wasn't a big fan, yet, so I burned him a CD so he would know all the songs. When I got to his house that night he had a surprise for me, a new cork screw. A small gesture that meant so much to me. Funny thing, we haven't had a glass of wine since, but when we do, we won't have to fight the cork screw.

"I've got to buy a distressed straw cowboy hat," I remember saying when we got to the concert that night. There were hats everywhere, I had been eyeing one for a long time, but I'd never actually bought one.

A month or so later we went on a float trip to the Big Piney River. When I got to his house that morning he had a surprise for me, a distressed straw cowboy hat with a Miller patch on it. I could hardly believe it, I was so exited! He said he had had it for weeks, but he was waiting until we went on the river to give it to me. I didn't want to take it that day, I was afraid I would lose it. But he insisted, and several hours later it became a causality of "the mother" and I was without my surprise hat.

"I loved the book, I can't wait to see the movie," I remember saying when we saw a commercial for The DeVinci Code. A few days later he called and ask me what my plans were for May 19th. That was almost three weeks away. We were going to be out of town on the 19th, so he decided it would have to be later in the week.

A few weeks later he picked me up and took me to see the movie. He was lost through the first part of it and ask a lot of question, he didn't have time to read the book. But I loved explaining it to him. I was so excited to see it. He said he had read the reviews and they were mixed, but he said it was a recommended date movie. I thought it was really sweet that he took that much time to find out about the movie.

"Gerber Daisies are my favorite flower," I remember saying when I filled out an on-line survey on myspace. I took this survey when we first started seeing each other. I didn't think much about it, but apparently he read it, and remembered.

A couple of months later, the night he picked me up for our movie date, he brought me flowers. The Gerber Daises were beautiful, I was so surprised. When I ask him how he knew he pointed out the survey. I thought that was very impressive that he remembered such a small thing. It meant a lot more to me that he listened.

"He listens and pays attention to me," I've said.
PS. He replaced the lost hat!