For Fun And For Keeps?

When in a relationship do you decide if it's for keeps or just for fun? I've always dated by the rule that it's one or the other. Meaning, it's either a fling, or understood that it's not really serious, or it's serious, and it could become something, a major something.

So when do you know and how do you decide? There are "those" people that say you just know when you know. Then there are other people that say it's something you learn and decide over time. Then there's me. I think if after a certain amount of time, you don't have fairly strong feelings for someone, that person doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated, and you can't really see yourself with that person if someone hotter, sexier, etc. comes along, then even though it might have started out for keeps, it's really just for fun. Better to get out now before feelings are hurt and lines are drawn. I've always thought this was how it worked, could I have been wrong about this all along?

I've started to wonder lately because I'm currently involved in something that is really fun, and I'm really enjoying it. However, it's not in a fling sort of way. We spend a lot of time together, and we have been "coupled" by our friends. So, could it be that when you find someone that is for keeps, it's also really fun? Huuuum, just when you think you've got something figured out, someone fun comes along that you might want to keep.

The "eX" Factor

When you get to a certain age, you have a certain amount of ex's. Some of which you dated a few times, some of which you dated for quite a while, some you don't remember, and some you can't seem to forget or avoid for that matter.

No matter what, unless you move states and in some situations this doesn't even help, you always bump into an ex eventually. Hopefully it's pleasant for both people involved, namely the new person in your life. But it's not always an easy situation, and when this happens, what do you do?

Well as I've stated before, an ex is an ex for a reason. This is important to remember when dealing with and ex and a current at the same time. So, while I may not be the best judge of how to deal with an ex, I am a semi pro when it comes to ex's. I do have 100's, and that's not an exaggeration. The number one thing I remember when I bump into an ex with my current, is that it's not about me, it's about the current, and how he feels in the situation.

So, if you can't be civil around an ex, if he/she is just way to psycho, crazy, insert any word here that's a synonym, then just grab your current and do one of three things. Be polite, introduce them, and move along, lay a big one on the current, you know the type, the movie star kiss, the one that lets EVERYONE know you're together (either that or you're very hammered), or turn and run the other direction. Oh, and don't forget to drag your current with you, obviously if you leave the current, you may be the next ex.

The Big "O" Factor

That's right ladies, it's time to talk about one of the most important things in a relationship. The big "O", you know what I'm talking about. The thing that can make or break a relationship, the thing that all women want, but sometimes aren't satisfied with, the thing that's not always as easy as it sounds, the illusive Openness Factor. (What did you think I was talking about? Get your mind out of the gutter!)

Just how open should a relationship be, once the relationship is closed? Meaning, once it's just you and your guy, how much information is to much? I've been wondering this lately as it's always been my custom not to lie, but maybe to omit things I don't think a guy necessarily needs to know. However, as I've learned in the past, honesty is the best, just beware of the brutal honesty.

The thing about honesty is, it's supposed to make you trust someone more, feel more comfortable. But for a realist, trying to be an optimist, sometimes openness makes me more nervous than just omitting details. So how open is to open?

I know, I bitch about telling the truth, and then when I get the truth, I get all nervous that I have something to worry about. Damned if you do and damned if you don't I suppose.

Live Music And Great Company

Last night was the big night, the night I've been waiting for. I got to see my favorite band again, I got to see Cross Canadian Ragweed. The concert wasn't one of their best, but it was still a great time. To me, they are more fun to watch outdoors, or in a bar, this concert was on a college campus in the gym, not exactly the perfect venue them.

I was surprised they got to play "The Boys from OK", as it's basically about smoking the pot, but they got away with it, and the crowd went wild. They also played, "Constantly", "Dime Bag Daryl", "Number", "Fightn' For", "Carnie Man", "Alabama", "Rock and Roll" and they played some great guitar solo's. They really ripped it up!

I went with my good friend "The Hurricane", my new guy, and his roomie. I was surprised that my new guy knew so many CCR songs. I made him a CD a few weeks back so he would know some of the stuff they sang, but apparently he listed to it more than I thought. He kept saying, "Hey this is on my CD." It was a lot of fun, I just hope the next time we see CCR it's in Sticky Fingerz new building!

On another note, my new guy bought me a "small gift" yesterday. I always complain when we sit out on the porch and drink wine that I need to get a nice cork screw, mine is terrible. So he bought me a new one, how thoughtful is that? Huuuum, that's a little thing that makes a big impression.

Cleaning Up The Flood

Well it happened, and it was wonderful. I was a little nervous, a little anxious, but he assured me it would be great. It was better than I thought, better than I expected. I don't know why I was so nervous. It was so good in fact, I've actually craved it a little, I want more, lasagna that is.

I cooked dinner for my new guy, and no one got food poison, I didn't set anything on fire, and the food was actually edible, and quite good might I add. His roomies showed up to eat, and thank goodness I cooked a huge pan of lasagna, because there was 5 of us. But the meal went off without a hitch, well almost. I did accidentally flood the new guys bathroom. And when I say flood, I mean 2 inches of water. It was terrible! I was so embarrassed. The good thing was, it flooded with a face wash towel, it could have been worse.

So right before dinner, when we should have been sipping wine and smelling the yummy marinara sauce, we were cleaning up water, and trying to find enough towels to handle the job, it took about 15. But he never got mad at me. He kept his cool, understood it was an accident, and told me to keep and eye on dinner and he would clean up the flood.

After dinner I thought about the fact that if I would have started a kitchen fire, we would have had enough water for a bucket bugrake! So while the night wasn't perfect, his attitude was, and that's what's important.

Dedicated to the Hurricane

I've been spending quite a bit of time with him, as I stated yesterday. We have had a lot of fun, and I enjoy being around him. But I miss her, my best friend. I know she is still there for me, I know most the time she will answer my call (she usually doesn't hear her cell phone ring). I went over to visit with her and her mom this week, and I realized how much I've missed hanging out over there. So this blog is dedicated to her (and her mom too), because I want her to realize how much I miss her and how I won't turn into one of those girls that's never around because there is a guy in my life.

She lights up the room when she walks in, usually because she's the loudest person there.
She knows everyone at the party, some she likes, other she doesn't, but she won't put on airs.

She is always there to make me laugh or make me a drink.
She loves Vodka Tonic and much as I do I think.

She loves when I come over and cook her grilled cheese.
Then her mom says, light a cig and make me one please.

She has keyed terms like Ba-jammered.
This is the really drunk term for hammered.

She is thoughtful and usually patient, she is caring and kind.
However nice she is though, if you make fun of her feet she will kick your behind!

She treats her new friends and her old just the same.
This means the most to me since into the picture I just came.

I love and miss you dear friend (and mom) and I promise things won't change.
Sorry if I'm a terrible poet, and don't have much of a rhyming range!

Okay, I know that sucked, but I love ya, just wanted to remind ya. T-Storm

Is It Time?

I think I really like him. It's been a month or so, and we've spent quite a bit of time together. We talk and laugh. He's taken me fishing twice, and to a southern girl living in a city, fishing is something I really miss. He doesn't lose his temper when I get hung up in four or five tree branches (at one time). He's impressed that I'm not scared to drive the boat across the main channel, and of course I would never be concerned about breaking a nail opening a can of beer. I think he likes this low maintenance side of me. And honestly I appreciate that I can just be myself around him.

So I'm starting to wonder, is it time? You know, time? I've put a lot of thought into it, and I really like him, but do I want to complicate things? I mean, he's never seen that side of me, am I ready for that? What if it's terrible and he decides he doesn't like me any more? What then? I just don't know, I've been thinking about it a lot. Actually, we have discussed it, and we have decided that tomorrow night is the night. It's gonna happen, I'm going to cook him dinner.

I brag because my little brother is a professional chef, like that is supposed to mean I'm a good cook or something. But I'm cooking him lasagna, and I’m pretty good at that. So hopefully it won't be terrible, no one will die from eating it, and we can get through this major milestone without any complication, nervousness, or kitchen fires. Wish me luck, I just might need it.

Southern Shower Etiquette

While visiting my small southern town this weekend, some friends and I got to discussing shower etiquette, as in engagement, wedding, stock the bar, and baby showers. We have all been swamped with shower invites this year. So what is proper shower etiquette?

Obviously I could rush out and buy some book by some stuffy woman (probably from up north somewhere) that would tell me everything I need to know about a shower. But why do that? It's not like us southern girls are going to follow northern rules, we barely follow any rules. So based on the conversation we had this weekend, here is the conclusion we came to (mind you, I've never had any of the above showers, so I'm not a professional, but I've been to plenty, so this at least makes me semi-pro.

Southern Shower Rules of Etiquette

Etiquette Rule #1--If I am not in the wedding party, don't invite me to every damn shower you have. I prefer the crawfish boils and the stock the bar showers. I can't afford to come to every single shower, that gets expensive. So just invite me to the fun stuff please. (Okay, so these rules aren't ever going to be published in Better Homes, but at least I'm telling the truth)

Etiquette Rule #2--You don't have to have 15 showers to get all of the "loot" your little heart desires. Seriously, lets have about 5 maybe, and call it a day. I'm making this rule because once, as a bridesmaid, I was invited to 12 showers for the bride and groom. Do you know how many damn weekends that is? I barely got a day off from all of the crust-free cucumber sandwiches, and fruit punch. I don't mind going to a few showers on my Saturdays, but I would rather be out on the water getting a tan when it's warm out.

Etiquette Rule #3--When you are having your second baby, don't throw another baby shower. It's not fair to your friends. We have already sat through one (or sometimes more than one for you) of these showers, and no matter how much we like kids, we aren't having the time of our life. Not to mention it's just bad taste to have a dozen little rug rats and expect us to attend a baby shower for everyone of those little monkey's.

*Etiquette Rule #4--This is a touchy subject I know, but if you are having a "WHO'S YOUR BABY DADDY SHOWER", please invite only close, and I mean close, personal friends and family. I know I sound heartless, but I don't want to attend a baby shower, when a few months later I'm going to have to attend a "CONGRATS IT'S YOUR DNA" Party. I know this sounds far fetched, but trust me, it's happened. While I hate it for those involved, it's not my fault, and if we aren't that close, don't make me attend this event.

I can't tell you how many showers I've been to, but while trying to count them all, I came up with an idea. I think it should be a rule that if a sweet southern girl doesn't have her own showers by a certain age, she should be able to throw a few "I'M SINGLE AND LOVING IT" Showers. I mean, don't our married with kids friends owe it to us? I think so! These showers are to provide things like, nice stem ware, money for really nice trendy shoes , purses, and clothes, maybe money for a down payment on a sporty two seater car, you know, the important things a single girls needs. I think this is a great idea, in fact, I may just throw myself one in the next year or two. Anyone want to send me their address now? (It will help to plan early)

Love's Not Enough, This Time

He told me all about his new life. I haven't talked to him, really talked to him in so long. So many things have changed. He is still my best friend, we still have our memories, but our future is a little more uncertain now. I used to think we would be friends forever. I used to think I would get married someday (many, many years down the road) and he would love my husband like he loves me. I used to think he would gat married someday to some sweet little thing who would love listening to us tell stories of our "younger days". I used to think the four of us would go on vacations together or out to eat when I returned to my small southern town. But now, I just don't think these things will happen.

Before I got out of the truck to go inside, I ask him what was wrong. I know him, I could tell something was bothering him. It took him a minute, then he looked me in the eyes and told me he was in love with me. He told me he wanted me to move home. He promised to find me a good job, one better than what I am doing now. He promised to love me forever if I would just come home to him. He needs me, he said, and he wants me to help him with his new responsibility. He told me he loved me, he was in love with me.

But this time, I have to do this for me. I'm happy, I'm settled, and I'm dating someone. I have wonderful friends, a great job, and stability here. I can't move home, change my whole life, and try to be happy. I know me, I can't do it. I want him to be happy more than anything, but I can't be that person that makes him happy. I love him, I will always love him, he is my best friend. But this time, love is not enough.

It's Been To Long

I'm so excited to see him tomorrow, it's been to long. I've been waiting, hoping that he would get to make this trip. We've talked about it so much, but with his crazy schedule, it's not easy to make time for each other. His life is so unpredictable that it's unusual for him to get much free time. He thought about driving, but decided to fly so we would have more time.

We talk as much as we can, not daily, but often. He usually calls late when he's been out with his friends or working. He always tells me he loves me and he misses me. It always makes me smile. I miss him too, it's hard not having him closer. I wonder about what he's doing and if he's happy. I wonder about when we will get to see each other again.

He's making his own life. He's tried for so long, worked so hard, and he is finally making things happen. He's working hard, he's meeting the right people, he's making new friends, he's making me proud of him. He has it together, and he's trying to keep it that way. As successful as I know he will be someday, I know he won't forget about the people that love him the most, he won't forget about me. We've had our ups and downs, but I have a feeling things will stay good with us now. I can't wait to see him, it's been to long.

I'm picking him up at the airport tomorrow, and we are going home, home to our small southern town, how to our parents, and home to our high school friends. My little brother is coming home.
~I doubt I will post again until after Easter, have a great weekend lovelies!

Just 11 Days

Just 11 days until she gets what she's been wanting since last June. Just 11 days, and she will get her fix again. If she can only wait just 11 more days, she will be satisfied once again.

The first time was like a dream. She wasn't prepared for how she would feel when it was over. The first time, that night, changed her life. She lost something that was so important to her, but she gained something she would never forget. Now it's just 11 days away, and she will get it again.

She's waited almost a year for it, and in just 11 days she will get to hear the words that will be music to her ears.

Set 1/Cross Canadian Ragweed

"Rock & Roll"
"17"
"Number"
"Sick and Tired"
"Constantly"
"Light House Keeper"
"Cold Hearted Woman"
"Broken"
"Fightn' For"
"Boys from Oklahoma"

And the bonus, they are playing with Dierks Bentley!!!

Caught My Attention

As are most southern girls, I am very diverse. I love designer clothes, although they are not always in my budget. I love to get all dressed up in pretty gowns and drink expensive champagne. I love to ride in nice cars, eat at nice restaurants. But these things only make me happy on special occasions. I couldn't imagine living this life all the time. (Good thing, I doubt I will ever have this kind of lifestyle, and that's fine with me. )

What I really like, is a simple, no fuss date, especially if it's not the first date. I had one of these last Saturday. I went on a fishing date all afternoon. A cooler of beer, a nice boat, his dog, and some good company. That's all I needed to enjoy the beautiful weather.

Growing up in a small southern town, fishing is a way of life. It was rare growing up to miss a warm Sunday afternoon on the river. That's one of the things I miss the most about home. In fact, I missed it so much last summer that I went home several weekends just to go out on the river with my friends. So you can imagine my excitement when he ask me if I wanted to go fishing with him!

We caught a few fish, caught a buzz, but mostly he caught my attention. He actually caught my eye over a month ago, but I learned a lot more about him after six hours in a boat. And I must say, I like what I learned.

We had planned on getting cleaned up and going out to dinner. But, honestly, I didn't want to go get all dressed up and go to dinner. I had enjoyed my low key day to much. I just wanted to get a burger, maybe play some pool, and relax. When I shared this idea with him, I think he was just as excited about the low key evening as I was. He beat me two of four pool games, and I gave him a dart game, but the company was great, the food was yummy, and the beer was cold. It was a perfect end to a perfect, low key, day of fishing.

And that my friends, is how you catch a southern girl, oh, and a few bass too!

The Boyfriend Election

So it's election time again here in Arkansas. The primary is in May, and the political signs are going up all over the state. I love this time of year. The weather gets warmer, the days get longer, and the politicians get busier. Yesterday I went for a nice long run, the weather was perfect. As I ran past dozens of yard signs advertising this candidate or that, it got me to thinking about dating and elections. Is dating, like an election, were the best "man-i-date" wins?

It's pretty common for me to have more than one man in the race, so to speak. I usually date a couple of guys here or there, until I decide which one I like the best, then I quit dating the others, much like an election. However, what makes me chose this one particular guy?

Does he get the popular vote? I like him the most because he's cute, nice, polite, and my friends like him?

Do I like him because he runs on the issues? We have a lot in common; same religion, same basic views, same kind of childhood, etc.

Do I like him because he raises the most money, *I know gag*? (i.e. he spends lots of money on me--for the record I can't ever remember liking a guy for this reason)

Or do I like him because he's the loose cannon of the election? I never know what he's going to do next, he might have a bit of a wild side, and we don't have much in common.

I've thought about all of these reasons why I might like one guy over the next, and I can't seem to nail down one particular trend for choosing. Unlike my voting style, my dating style seems to be bi-partisan.

And She Still Rushes Around

She had everything ready when the guests arrived. The shrimp was perfect, the chicken breasts where great, she had opted for french fries the way he liked them, instead of the smashed garlic potatoes she had planned on. The wine was chilled, the beer was ice cold, and the birthday cake was delicious. It had been a great night. The party had stretched into the early hours of the morning. And everyone had agreed that they needed to get together again soon.

That had been a year ago. Her relationship with him had long since changed. Just a few months after his birthday, he had moved on. She had gone her own way, and to her surprise, as much as she had thought she liked him, it only took her about five minutes to get over him. How strange she thought. This was the beginning of her newest panic. What if she had become incapable of really caring about a guy? What if her new mentality was that all guys were replaceable? This frightened her.

For several months after their "thing" ended, she wondered what had happened. Then a strange thing happened, he began calling her chatting with her about nothing at all. They talked like old friends. They really didn't bring up the past much, and it was nice. Although she knew it was strange, she no longer had those feelings for him. She really thought of him as just a friend. She wondered if it was possible for two people to really become/stay friends after a breakup.

Now as she rushes around, doing the things that have become routine to her, she doesn't think about him. She thinks about her life, and herself.

Unstable Constants

Certain things in her life had always been constant, she had always counted on them to be unchanging. But now, she wasn't so sure she should have counted on these things. So much had changed for her, in just a year, everything she had relied on, was not so reliable anymore. She had never liked change, in fact she hated it, but this was different. It wasn't just the change, it was the loss that was difficult for her to deal with.

The first thing she remembers losing, that would eventually be the beginning of a lot of other lost things, was him. She had been with him for so long, through so much, that when their relationship ended, it was hard for her to believe it was actually over. He had been such a big part of her life, and he had been there for her when she had really needed him. She had come to rely on him, she needed him, he was her strength. But, after just a short time of being single, she realized that he wasn't as great as she had first thought. He had lied to her about so much, and she had listened and defended him when her friends tried to tell her the truth. It didn't take her long to find her new nitch in a new town after the breakup.

She fell right back in with the two girls that had been so important to her during her first two years of college. For the next year and a half these girls were inseparable. They were constant, everyone knew when they saw one, the other two were close behind. They were the best of friends, it was just like college days. Chasing boys, staying out too late, going to concerts, dancing, but something was different about her. She no longer relied on someone to make her happy, she was happy with who she was. She loved her two friends, but she didn't have to have them. When there friendship came to a crashing halt, she was sad to see the friends go, but she also knew that what had caused it, she had not been part of. She tried to reconcile things, but when they refused, she realized their friendship had not been as strong as she had first thought. She would always love her two friends, but she would be fine without them. She moved on, and she was fine with that.

She had just moved back to town, after a summer of chasing her dream. She was ready to get back to normal, and get back in a routine with her life. Her best friend guy friend from home couldn't have been happier. He didn't want her to move to North Carolina in the first place, so when she said she was coming home, he was ecstatic. When she got back to her small southern town, they rode the back roads with a 12 pak and talked about life. He confided in her that his life was about to take some major changes. She was devastated, but they made a promise that no matter what happened to and around them, they would not change. They would always be best friends and they would always be there for each other, no matter what. That was nine months ago.

Things didn't change gradually for them, it happened all at once. She realized that even though there was no huge fallout, no fight, she had lost him just like she had lost her college girlfriends. She missed him so much, she called and tried to keep some normalcy about it, but he was never the same with her. She never saw him, they rarely talked on the phone, even her e-mails were rarely returned. Things had changed, and she couldn't change them back. He had once told her that she would always be number one with him, and he would always love her. At the time she was happy about the promise, but she also knew that eventually he would start a family, and while they would always be friends, she would move down his list of priorities. She was fine with that, she just didn't expect for it to happen so soon.

She misses him every day. He used to be the guy she would call to gush about her latest crush or complain about the most recent jerk she dated. He used the be the guy who would drink beer and throw darts with her when she was back in her small southern town. He used to be her constant, her best friend. Now, their friendship is unstable at best. She knows that she can't change it, and she won't fight it, there is nothing she can do. Just like everything in life, there are things that are constant, and there are things that are unstable. At least she is stable, and constantly content.

As She Rushes Around

As she rushes from place to place she thinks of all the things she has to do today. She wants to make the grilled shrimp she used to make in college. She knows how good the garlic smashed potatoes will be, but they will take to long. Her heal just broke, so she is off to the mall for some new cute shoes. This birthday party is wearing her thin.

Thank goodness she made appetizers last night, and the wine, well hopefully it will be chilled in time. She also needs to pick up beer, she knows the guys will expect Miller. The dry cleaners are holding her favorite tank hostage, she has to get by there before they close. There might just be time to wrap his gifts.

As she rushes around she thinks of how happy he will be when everyone shows up, she has worked on this surprise for a couple of weeks. She even ordered his favorite cake. She is such a good girlfriend she thinks, as she rushes around. Hopefully she will have enough time to take a shower and look cute, hopefully.

Just When

Just when she thinks that's it, he calls. She tells herself that she shouldn't answer the phone, it's late, and she has to work the next day. For anyone else, she wouldn't answer it, but it's him. She can't help it, for now, she wants to know what he wants. The only way she can find out is by answering the phone. She looks at her clock, the phone keeps ringing, it's almost 4:30am. She can't help herself, she wants to hear his voice.

He tells her he misses her. He's sorry he hasn't gotten to talk to her in so long. She just listens, just his voice brings her happiness. He says he knows he's upset her, and he promises to make it up. She wonders how he plans on doing that. As he tells her the things she wants to hear, she drifts back to her memories of him. They talk for a while longer, then he says it's late and he should get some rest. They hang up, and she knows it maybe forever before she hears from him again. It may be never. She tries to fall back asleep, but she can't, she can't clear her mind of him.

Days go by and she doesn't hear from him. She thinks about him, she even calls him and leaves him a message about some good news she has gotten. He's silent, and she knows nothing of how or where he is.

Just when she thinks that's it, he writes. He sends her a sweet message telling her that he knows how she is feeling. He says he knows she is trying to forget him, and he knows that she is everything to him. But, she knows it's almost 4am when he sends the message, and he may not have really meant all he said. Days go by, she gets another message from him. It's rushed and not really personal, and he knows it.

Just when she thinks that's it, it is. She hasn't heard from him now, really heard from him, in a while. She knows he's busy, she knows she can't compete with the other things going on in his life. She just thought it might be just a little more like what he promised, and just a little less like the negative thoughts she's had the whole time.

The strange thing is, while she's sad, she's also really happy..for him. It's bittersweet. So what should she do now? She's never sat home willing her phone to ring, she still goes out and has fun and meets new people. But for some reason she always has him in the back of her mind. She should forget him, she is really trying to just forget him. She knows it's time to just let it go.

What Finger Is This?

I spend a lot of time discussing how boys behave, but I rarely talk about how girls act. I had quite the experience this past weekend. Now first, let me just say that I am not going to pretend that girls are nice people. We are not! We are mean, catty, conniving, bitchy, uncontrollable, snotty, basically insert any verb that is negative.

My best friend threw a party this weekend for her best friend, and it basically turned into a _______(insert any negative verb) fest. I felt so bad for my friend. She worked her butt off on that party, she spent a ton of money, and the majority of the people at the party treated her awful. And, apparently this rudeness was transferred to me also.

There was just a small group of girls that were nice to me. Apparently, I'm not as welcome in that "circle of friends" as I thought. Funny how that happens. However, happy go lucky me didn't care a bit, not even when one of the guests (drunk and disorderly as she was) walked right up to me, flipped me off, and then said, "Hey Anne, what finger is this"? I should have knocked her out, but I'm a lady, and was also a guest at the party. So instead I looked her square in the eye and said, "I think it's the middle one". (I had to laugh, it was so pathetic) Later, once I had time to think about it, I should have come up with a better line. Something more "Anneish", I should have said, "Oh my gosh, you want to do me too"? But, the witty words were lost on me that night.

I made it through the night just fine. But my best friend, she really got her feelings hurt. And that makes me more mad than hearing another guest at the party call me a--okay I know how mature this sounds *as I roll my eyes*--hoochie. I mean come on. How childish. But it didn't hurt my feelings, because I know I have more class than to cause a scene. I just wish, for my friends sake, the party would have gone smoother. So I wonder, why do girls tear each other down to build themselves up?