Friday, July 28, 2006

Flying Out Of The Woodwork

It's funny how every time I become newly single guys just fly out of the woodwork at me. Some of them I have to duck and hide from, others are past ex's that think they just might have another chance (I don't think so buddy), and then you have the one's that you never expected. You didn't seem them coming.

The woodwork is literally exploding right now! It's great!!! Most of the guys are so surprised that I'm single that we have to go through the whole why did you and frog (oh that's what I'll call him now, thanks for the idea from a comment) break up, blah, blah, blah. Then I go into the whole, he's a good guy just not the good guy from me spill. But, for the most part, it's a good feeling to know that my friends and these woodwork guys care enough to ask.

So, I'm planning the rest of my summer. No more looking back, instead I'm looking forward to my future trip to Mississippi to see an old friend, and hottie guy may I add. I'm looking forward to visiting brother chef in the next couple of weeks, and I’m looking forward to going out tonight with some of my best friends to hear one of my favorite bands. And of course there is the big river trip tomorrow. Frog says he will be there, but I'm not to worried about it. There will be plenty of princes there to occupy my time!

So Oak, Cherry, Walnut, Pecan, Cedar, lets go boys, keep flying out of the wood work, Anne's ready for some new excitement in her life!!!

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Baby Steps

She likes to think she takes baby steps when approaching a new situation. She's not one to make a rash decision and jump into something, but she's also not one to stand against the wall and watch everyone else dance through life. She likes to take steps, but little ones. Baby steps as she likes to call them.

Everyday things get a little easier for her. She's becoming more comfortable in her new surroundings, and looking forward to making her new house more of a home. She's starting a new routine of sorts. She is focused on her and her dog, and no one else really.

Her breath still catches when she sees a picture of him or them. She still wants to know what his e-mail will say, even though she tries hard not to. She knows this is for the best, but she can't help but miss him. She hasn't cried in almost a week, but she sure does want to. However, she's going to do her best to hold it in, she's afraid she may take a few baby steps back if she allows herself to cry.

She wishes she could run full speed into her future and away from this past that is still nipping at her heals. But right now all she can manage is a baby step or two. Right now that's all the strength she has.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Home Sweet Apartment Home

Well I got all moved over the weekend. I left my cute bungalow style home for a simple two bedroom one bath apartment. It does boast a fireplace though, and a shower head with the best water pressure I've ever felt, it's fantastic. I'm tucked into a little nook of the complex, I like that, I feel like I have some privacy, and it also means I don't have to be to strict with Louie V and the leash law!

My mom, or super mom as she is now known, showed up on Thursday. She worked her fingers to the bone until late Sunday evening. We moved, organized, cleaned, reorganized, sorted, decorated, purchased, and at some point we slept, just a little. The place looks like I've lived there for a year. It's so charming and homey.

I'll miss my bungalow with the hardwood floors and the private parking, but I've traded it in for a safe haven. A place where my underwear won't get stolen, my shoes will be right where I left them, and Louie V won't have to worry about strangers coming in during the day.

Oh, did I mention I spotted some hottie guys yesterday in the complex??

Monday, July 24, 2006

Bent But Definitely Not Broken

She struggled through the week. She knew she needed to get all of her stuff back from him, and she just didn’t know if she could hold it together to see him. She wanted to stay strong. She kept telling herself that she wouldn't have to put up with his crap, no more ex girlfriend, no more paying for things that he should have paid for, no more drama. She believed herself too, but she still didn't think she could see him. See him not with her.

When the day finally came, he was cold and cruel. He glided into her house with a smirk on his face that she almost couldn't bare to see. He told her she was being bitter and mean, when she was only trying to be strong. This only brought on her well hid tears. She ask him if that was what he wanted, did he need to see her cry, did it make him feel good to see her so upset? He told her he could never see himself married to her, she had to laugh at that, it had only been a few months, marriage was not in the equation for her. But it was a little stab to hear him say it just the same. She told him she would never want to marry someone that made some of the choices he did, but that she cared enough about him to overlook it and move on. After he left she lost it, she couldn't help it, it was just to surreal for her.

A few days later something happened. She heard that he had done exactly what she thought he would. She knew all along he wasn't over the ex, but she couldn't understand why. But then it hit her, everything did, when she heard they story about he and his ex that night, something in her straightened. She realized that it was passing, just as she knew it would. She just didn't expect it to happen so soon. All of a sudden she was repulsed by him, all of a sudden she was looking forward to meeting new guys, having first dates, getting her life back and not being part of his. All of a sudden she realized, she wasn't broken, he wasn't a good enough person to break her. She was bent, but she's since seen the reality of him and the situation, and she's straightened and is looking forward to her future instead of looking back at their past.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Long Rebound, Things Will Be Better

It started off innocently enough. She met him, they flirted, they had some drinks. He told her he was newly single, she was excited to hear that news. They hung out late into the night, they made out for what seemed like hours. They were both pretty intoxicated, details would later be a bit hazy, but they kept things G-Rated. They both remembered that much. It took him almost a week to call her, she was disappointed, and not very nice to him on the phone, she thought he was a bit of a player. She ran into him a week later, he was so cute, her disappointment was forgotten. They started spending a lot of time with each other after that. Things were great!

They were together constantly. It didn't take long for their friends to group them as a couple, she couldn't have been happier. She met his family, she liked them instantly. She cooked him dinner, he would slow dance in the living room with her after dessert. She learned how to drive the boat when they went fishing, he always snuggled her when they went to sleep at night. She would call him while he was at work just to hear his voice, he would surprise her with small thoughtful gifts. They had so much in common, they had so much fun together. They kissed all the time and they were so affectionate towards each other. Things were great!

They had their bad times though. She got her feelings her for the first time, he thought it would be better for her not to attend a party his ex would be at. They talked it through, and she felt better. He kept the ex's dog one weekend, she again felt like the ex was more of a priority than her feelings. They fought over this, they basically decided to agree to disagree, he kept the dog, and she tried her best to be positive about the situation. She just knew things would be better after the weekend when the dog was back with the ex.

Not long after that they went to her home town, he met her friends and family, they liked him instantly. They disagreed about when they should go back to the town where they lived. He wanted to go back early, play golf. She wanted to stay and visit with her family and see her best friends new baby. In the end they went back later, but she didn't see the baby, and she was angry about that. But she kept her cool, and went on with the rest of the weekend. She just knew the next day things would be better, they were going out on the river, her favorite thing to do.

They fought about money, or rather a lack of money. She was becoming financially drained cooking dinner all the time and buying drinks. She cared about him a lot, and she didn't want to have this conversation with him, but he persisted until she told him. He blew up, they both did. It was horrible. She cried and he yelled at her. He said it was over, the next day they decided to work it out. It meant so much to her, she didn't want to end things over a fight about money. She just knew that this was a major turning point, and things would be better.

A week later he kept the ex's dog again, and canceled plans with her on a Friday night. She was so upset. Her feelings were on her sleeve and he knew it. She cooked a beautiful dinner and he didn't come over to eat with her. She just thought he needed some time to himself, she just knew the next day things would be better. She went out with her friends that night, she knew if she stayed home she would just get angry with him for skipping out on their plans.

They went to two weddings the next night, alone. She was a little surprised he hadn't invited her to go with him, she thought it would be nice for them to attend both. But she kept her mouth shut and went with her girlfriends. He joined her later at the reception, but something was off. She acted happy and excited to see him, but he was different, he acted different, she did what made him happy and she just knew things would be better the next day.

She was right, things seemed much better after that. They went to yet another wedding shower and had a great time. He still seemed a little distant, but she just figured he had a lot going on, and she didn't worry. She cooked a huge dinner for him and his roomies. They all loved it, he went on and on about how good it was. She thought things were finally better, she was happy again. She cared about him so much. His moms birthday was coming up, they were going to have dinner with his family. She was so excited, she went and bought his mom a gift. She met him at the gym and they worked out together. They met at her place, she was going to get her stuff ready to go to his parents house.

He said he needed to talk to her, he said it was bad. She was instantly worried that something had happened. She sat down beside him and looked him in the eye, he said again that it was bad. She knew, somehow she just knew, it was over, they were finished. He said something was missing, something wasn't there. He said he didn't want to waste anybody's time. Least of all his she thought. She ask if he was over his ex, he said yes he didn't know. She knew all along, she just thought it was worth it. She just thought the good times were enough to see her through the bad. She cared about him so much, and to hear that he just didn't feel it was very hard for her. But she kept her cool, she would later be very proud of herself. She didn't cry and she didn't yell, what was the point. He would never feel sad about the situation, and he would never worry if it hurt her feelings or not. There was no reason to break down to someone who no longer cared for her. So she kept her head high, and she walked him to the door. It was obvious to her this would happen eventually, she just hoped it would be later than sooner. She was so blinded by how she thought things were, she never saw what they had really become. She had been a rebound that lasted to long, several months to long, and he had gotten what he needed from her and was moving on.

She misses him very much, it's not easy for her to talk about it. She never saw it coming, she was totally shocked. She knows this too will pass, and she will look back and laugh and wonder what was so great about him. She knows she doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with her. But for now she's hurting, and she just hopes that tomorrow things will be better.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Home Sweet ----

What do you do when your home, your sanctuary, your comfort zone is suddenly threatened? It feels like it's no longer yours, it's no longer comfortable, it's like a stranger. What do you do then? You do what I'm about to do, you move the F out of there. That's right, I am soon to be homeless. Well I guess you could say I already am. I've been staying at the boyfriends house, apparently someone has found my house to be quite appealing. So he/she has been breaking in on a regular basis. Louie V and I will soon be packing up what is left of our humble abode and finding a new place to rest out heads.

It's just such a daunting task. I obviously won't be staying in my current neighborhood. I don't want to live in some crummy apartment, I've done that already. I would like to have some sort of yard for Louie V to run around in. I hate the idea of having to keep him on a leash all the time when we are outside. And I will miss sitting out back, having a drink while he plays and chases bugs. Gone are those days if we are living in an apartment. I hate the idea of him waking up in the middle of the night to the noise of our new neighbors we will be sharing walls with, and I just plain hate the idea of moving from a cute little bungalow to a standard, sterile apartment.

I've been looking for a new cute little bungalow for me and Louie V. But it's looking more and more like our bungalow days are numbered. I need to move out as soon as possible, and that doesn't leave much time for house hunting.

I picked out a cute three bedroom house for us. It has a beautiful back yard, it's fully fenced with a nice deck. It's the perfect place for Louie V and I to make a new home. The only problem is the house is for sale, not for rent. I really thought I would buy a house soon, but that's looking less likely by the day. It looks like we are destined to be renters, and not buyers. (Which is completely ridiculous since I'm not moving out of LR any time soon. But it's been brought to my attention that I "might get married" and then I could buy a house with my husband. Again, it's completely ridiculous to base a decision on the fact that I might get married some day. I like the boyfriend, but we are a long way from anything remotely close to moving into together, much less marriage.)

So Louie V and I are looking for a new home, or at least a house we can turn into our home. We need something safe, not to expensive, we would love to have hard wood floors again, at least two bedrooms, off street parking, and a dishwasher would be so nice. We haven't had one of those in a while. Hopefully Louie V and I will have a home sweet home again soon, instead of a home, robbed home.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Here Comes The Old Lady

Engagement parties, stock the bar parties, weddings, it seems like everyone is getting married this summer. I've been to two weddings, and there are two more that I will be attending. The crazy thing is, I've just met all of these people in the last six months.

Attending all of these weddings and parties has got me to thinking about what kind of wedding I want some day. Of course I've had this image in my mind since I was a little girl. My fairytale wedding has changed over the years, I know my groom won't be Clay Walker (yes he was my first crush when I was young, funny I haven't listened to his music in years). I no longer want 12 bridesmaids, I can't even think of 12 girls I would put through that experience. I no longer think I will be married by the time I'm 23 (my "old age" indicator when I was little), since I've already passed that age. And I no longer want a huge white frilly dress that will only make me look like a giant cupcake in pictures years later-when it's out of style.

However, today, right now, I know some basic things I want. I do want no more than five bridesmaids. I do want the color purple to be incorporated into the wedding somehow in honor of my grandmother. I would really like to take the wedding party and my family to a beach someplace, but I'm sure tradition will rule this decision and I will get married in a church with hundreds of people present. I do want a huge reception with lots of food, drinks, and dancing (although this could still be done after a wedding if I get married on a beach some place). Also, I do want my favorite priest from my childhood to do the wedding.

I want to dance to "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison, I want my little brother to be in the wedding party, and I want my best friend from home to be my maid of honor. I want to have a shower in LR and in my small southern home town for my family, his family, and their friends. I want a stock the bar party with crawfish, lots of cold beer, and friends my age.

These are all the things I want someday, not today, and not any time soon, but some day. The only thing is, by the time I have my "fairytale wedding" I'll probably be 90 years old and I will be forced to use a walker down the isle, or maybe I can get a rascal. They will adjust the entrance song to "Here Comes the Old Lady" instead of "Here Comes the Bride", and my husband and I will dance to that song that goes; when I get old, losing my hair, I wonder if I'll still be your Valentine. There will be jello instead of cake because we probably won't have any teeth, and my husband and I will ride off into the sunset on our matching rascal's will tin cans of Ensure dragging behind!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Will I Pay

In relationships, how do you know if it's a bump in the road, a pothole, or if the bridge is out and you're going down? Apparently I hit more than a bump this weekend.

I've heard that the three most common issues couples argue about is sex, religion, and money. Well I mentioned to him this weekend that it was hard for me to pay for things all the time. I cook dinner for him (and pay for it all), I pick up dinner on the way out to his house (and pay for it all), I almost always pay for my own drinks when we go out, throw in gas to his house, the food he eats when he comes over after his softball games, etc. This adds up to a lot of money every month. Granted I would buy my own drinks for myself if I went out, and I would cook dinner for myself, but I wouldn't cook as much or as often if I was just cooking for one. The thing is, a lot of this stuff is my own fault because I volunteer to do it. That is something I have got to stop doing, but that's me, I love to do things for others.

Money started this argument, and in the process almost ended our relationship. Now I wonder, will I pay for pointing out the above things? Will he make me pay for pointing these things out? And, is our relationship as strong as I thought it was if this type of conversation almost ended us?

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