Thursday, August 31, 2006

Monogamous Monopoly

I've been thinking a lot about monogamous relationships. Just when I was starting to think I didn't want to be in any type of monogamous anything, along came a long distance relationship. It's not easy, we only see each other every two weeks. I know it could be much worse, but I'm not used to not seeing the person I'm interested in, it takes some getting used to.

So, how do you decide if a relationship is monogamous worthy? I've decided it's a lot like monopoly. Obviously when you start dating someone you look at the characteristics he or she wants you to see. Personality, looks, grooming, attitude, job, etc. are always the first things noticed.

I've decided I don't want to date a Baltic Avenue, while he maybe cute, and close to home, he's cheap, and when that new wears off, he's not going to be that great anymore.

I could settle for a Saint Charles Place, he's a bit of a bad guy (close to the jail), and of the medium price range. But why would I settle for that when I could have dinner with Mr. New York Avenue? He knows how to treat a lady, and he's got his finger on the free parking!

I've dated the Marvin Gardens, and while they look sweet and innocent, they are a jail term waiting to happen. Of course Board Walk is what most girls would like to have. Mr. BW is never afraid to jump on GO, he has lots of money to throw around, and he's pretty desired by other realtors (i.e. women). But that's just not me.

I'm more of a middle of the road type of girl, I like the well rounded guy. The guy that can get his hands dirty during the day, but clean up and look fantastic at night. Give me Pennsylvania Avenue any day. He's close to home, but not too close, he's not afraid to travel (he is close to the Railroad), he's grounded, stable, just the right mix.

Monopoly has always been one of my favorite games, and when it comes to dating I think it's important for a girl to move around the board a few times, see what she likes before she finds herself in a monogamous relationship!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

What's In A Name

She thought about it, considered it, and decided that yes, it was time. She knew that eventually she might decide to make this change, alter this part of her life. But, it was her life, and she felt that it was something she just had to do.

She considered several options, she was always happy with the name, but she thought she might like something else, something new. She had thought of several other options, had heard several other names, but this change was something major, her new name had to be just right.

She knew she would miss her old name, but this was something she wanted to do. She had grown somehow, and this name just didn't seem to fit the new grown up girl she had become.
She would do it, she would change her name. Of her blog! While this is still her life, she thinks it's time for a change. Besides, she is a Small Town City Girl!

Monday, August 28, 2006

A Giant Leap

A lot of were defined for her this weekend. She was faced with seeing her ex again. She's seen him around, but not in a social setting. It was not at all how she thought it might be, and she couldn't have been happier about it.

She talked to him, was nice to him, but something was gone. The spark that she always felt when she was around him in the past, it wasn't there. He didn't even look attractive to her anymore. In fact, he seemed sorta sad, she felt sorry for him. Granted she knew he wasn't sad because of her, but she knew why. And even though she wanted to think that he finally had someone treat him like he had treated her, he just looked so unlike his old self, that all she could do was pity him.

She was faced with the decision to go home alone to her sweet Louie V, or home with him. And even though she did miss that part of their relationship, she just wasn't interested. All she could think about was her Mississippi Boy, and how she would be with him the next weekend. She didn't want to do anything to jeopardize the happiness she had found with him, and she knew that her ex was no longer worthy of that part of her.

So she went home and called her Mississippi Boy. She snuggled up with her dog, and she smiled right before she went to sleep. She had been taking baby steps for a while now, and tonight she took a giant leap out of her past and into her future.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

The Distance Between

I've been thinking a lot lately about distance. Hours, miles, emotional distance, how much is too much distance. It seems like lately there is so much distance between the people that mean the most to me.

Brother Chef lives in North Carolina, I rarely get to see him. We are both so caught up in our own lives we don't talk near as much as we should. Don't get me wrong, I love him and I would do anything for him, but the distance makes it hard to be as close as I would like.

My very best friend lives north of our small southern hometown. I used to see her about once a month, but I never go home anymore, so I never see her. We talk, but I haven't seen her since March. That's the longest I've ever gone without seeing her. There is just to much distance between us right now.

I recently moved, and when I did my best friend neighbor moved also. She moved to another town, so there are now about 30 miles between our houses instead of 15 feet. I used to sit out back with her in the evening and have a drink. We would talk about our day, and usually about my most recent crush. I got to see her this week, but it's not the same, the distance has changed things.

Things have changed with my best LR friend too. We still live close, but emotionally things are distant. We are working to make the space not so far apart, but it's not easy. I don’t know if we are the same people we were months ago, and that makes me wonder if maybe I've just changed that much, come so far, that it will be hard to go back.

There is definitely distance between me and the MS Boy. So far, it's not an issue. Nine hours is not as bad as I thought. We will see how I fill about that in say a month, or a few, but for now, it's not bad. I don't know what it's like to see him all the time, so I don't really have anything to compare it to. But the distance is reality when I have to catch a flight to see him, instead of just jumping in the car and driving right over.

Sometimes I just wonder how much distance is to much, and when do you know to pull closer to those you care the most about before they are so far away you can't get them back?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Never Will Accommodate

That's right, NWA, better known as Northeast Airline. I flew them this weekend on my way to and from Mississippi, and let me tell you it was horrible.

First my flight was delayed for two hours in Memphis. We boarded the plane and sat there forever. Then the air conditioner quit working, then we taxied out on the runway only to be sent back to the gate due to electrical problems. Then we sat some more in the heat of the cabin only to de-board, run around the airport until they finally found a plane for us, and board again. Then there were no drinks, but they did give us a voucher for a free drink up to $10 on an international flight that we must use in the next six months. Seriously, it was ridiculous. The best thing I can say is, at least we got to Gulf Port that night (at 11:30pm) in one piece.

On Monday when I began my trip home, same story, different day. A five and a half hour delay in Memphis on the way back to Little Rock. This time, you guessed it, electrical problems on the plane-again. Only this time the staff was rude and disrespectful. We sat on the plane for an hour and a half while they tried to "work out the problem". Then we de-boarded, went to three different gates before they found a plane that could take some of us to Little Rock. The others would be left behind and would get to fly out the next day at 11:55am. Then they told us the flight was canceled all together. By this time it was 5:00pm and we were supposed to be back in LR at 3:15pm. Then the mean, hateful crew said that we would be flying, but that some of the first class passengers would be bumped. Bumped they were, back to coach so that another NWA crew could sit in their first class seats back to LR. Did they receive anything for this downgrade, a voucher of some sort? No, they did not, and neither did those of us who finally got to LR five and a half hours late.

So, while I’m happy I made it to and from Mississippi in once piece, you can understand why I am not a fan of NWA, now known to me as Never Will Accommodate!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I Heart Mississippi

It was nothing like what I thought it would be, and exactly the way I wanted it to be. There was nothing strange or uncomfortable about it, it was just perfect. From the moment I finally arrived in Biloxi (more on that later) until the time he took be back to the airport, it couldn't have been any better. Well except for him being sea sick the entire time we went deep sea fishing, poor thing.

We drank wine, had lovely meals, and great conversation. We laughed, we aggravated each other, we walked on the beach and picked up shells. We sat out on his back porch and talked about future weekends, future trips, and if there was a future there.

We spent 12 hours on the ocean fishing (I fished, he tried not to throw up). I caught a few Red Snapper and some other stuff. I didn't catch anything huge or exciting, but I didn't care. I was amazed by the dolphins we saw, the smell of the ocean, the huge waves, the hermit crabs on the island we went to. It was just so beautiful. I completely fell in love with it.

We drove around Biloxi and he showed me all of the devastation from the hurricane that hit almost a year ago. I just couldn't believe how bad things still are. There are blocks upon blocks of land with nothing left but a pile of ruble or a concrete slab that used to be a home. There are still FEMA trailers all over the place. It's so sad to think that people have been living in those conditions for so long. It made me want to move down there and try to help.

I loved Biloxi, and I can't wait to go back. I loved spending time with him, and meeting his friends and some of his family. I will see my MS Boy in a few weeks in Oxford, but until then I have great memories of the short time I spent with him this past weekend, and the fun I had. I miss it already.

Friday, August 18, 2006

She Is

She is the person who has been my friend ever since I can remember.
She is the person who used to have sleep overs almost every weekend.
She is the person who still sleeps over at my house when I get to come home for a weekend.
She is the person who was so popular in grade school and high school.
She is the person that everyone loves to be around.

She is the person I've always known I can count on.
She is the person who always takes off work to come home to our small southern town when I'm home for a weekend.
She is the person that is so sensitive to everyone's needs
She is the person who is a rock, the one who rarely breaks.
She is the person that has had to endure a lot of lose in her 26 years.

She is the person who is working to make her life exactly the way she wants it.
She is the person who deserves the best of everything because she gives everything she has to others.
She is the person that gives her all just to be let down by others.
She is the person that I will always be able to call my best friend.
She is the person that I love dearly.

She has been in my thoughts lately. I worry about her and I want her to be happy always. So my best friend, remember how much you mean to me and those who call you daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, and friend. I love you dearly.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Biloxi Bound

I'm flying to Biloxi on Friday to visit a friend. Actually I don't know if friend is the correct word to use. This "MS Boy" as we will call him and I have known each other for almost ten years. He used to play baseball with an ex of mine. Anyway, the MS Boy grew up close to my hometown, and as funny as it may sound, I had quite the little crush on him when I was in high school and early college.

We got reacquainted several months ago, and then I started dating someone and he sorta phased out. At the time I though we where like long lost friends getting in touch again, but now, looking back, I wonder if maybe there was something else there. He and I started talking almost immediately after I became single again. I was a little worried because I didn't want him to be a rebound. But it's not been like that at all.

So, I bought a plan ticket almost three weeks ago. I'm staying for three nights, and I can't wait! We have talked to him on the phone for at least a couple of hours a day, and during this time I've gotten to know him again, better than I did before.

I've been a little nervous about it. I've wondered does he just want to be friends, or does he want something more? What will the distance do if he wants to be more than friends? Of course I've thought way ahead on this, I'm a planner I can't help it. But all of these questions were pretty much answered one drunken night not long ago. So, I'm feeling a bit more relaxed about the weekend. And I can't wait to go to the beach!

So my lovelies, I'm taking the rest of my vacation time this week. I'll be back next week with stories about the ocean, the beach, adult beverages, and a MS boy!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

A Lighter Shade of Rose Colored

At what point do the rose colored glasses come off? At what point to you see someone for who they really are, and not how they want to be perceived? I wonder about these things, especially now as I've come to realize that things aren't even close to how I thought they were.

In the beginning things were great, on the surface everything was lovely. Then some of that pink started to fade. Maybe we fought to much, maybe I realized that they were not the people I thought them to be. Maybe I got tired of the constant demands, the rude behavior, the attitude. Maybe those things were there all along, but I was so blinded by my rose colored glasses that I never really saw them. For that matter I never really saw myself.

The glasses are gone though, and I see a lot of things for the first time. And even though I'm happy I see things more clearly, I also miss the days when I didn't see the truth, things were a lot easier.

Monday, August 14, 2006

I'm On Ba-Rake

I thought it would be a good idea to hit up the local Wal Mart as late as possible. It was less than a week until Christmas, and I had a feeling the place was going to be a mad house. I got there at 9:30pm, and I was right, it was a zoo. I finally got everything on my list and went to join one of the check out lines that were at least 20 carts deep.

There was a very nice dressed lady in line in front of me. She must have had $500 dollars worth of groceries in her cart. When it was finally her turn she piled all of her items on the conveyer belt. By this time her ice cream was starting to melt, she was getting a little flustered. I had been standing in line for almost 45 minutes, I'm sure she had been there much longer. So she diligently stacked every item up, her entire cart was empty. The lady had some serious stacking stills, as her items stood stacked over three feet. That's when it happened, the most terrible Christmas spirit I could imagine. The checked looked at the lady, looked and her neatly stacked groceries, with ice cream dripping out of it's box, looked back at the lady and said, "I'm on BA-RAKE."

Then the checker turned and walked away. I was shocked, the lady in front of me was in tears. It was terrible, there is no BA-RAKE at the Wal Mart. My guess is the checker was overworked and lost her cool. I found another line, and managed to get out of there by midnight. When I walked back by the line I had been in the lady was still standing there, her items neatly stacked, her ice cream melting, with tears in her eyes. I told the manager and someone finally went over to help her. It was just so sad.

I've been on a BA-RAKE of sorts lately. I haven't made anyone cry, and no ice cream has melted because of it, but I've needed some me time. I've just sort of laid low and relaxed. I've gotten back into a me routine, and it's been nice. I had a good visit with Brother Chef in NC, and I'm getting ready for my next adventure this weekend as I fly to MS to see the MS Boy. However, my BA-RAKE is almost over, and it's been nice while it lasted!

Friday, August 04, 2006

If Just For A Few Days

She feels like she's lost so much. But, at the same time she knows these losses, in the long run, will prove to be the best thing for her. She remembers when she was happy and it seems like so long ago, now it seems like it was someone else's life, and she was just looking in on it for a little while.

Her reality now is a few days of rest and relaxation in a city she hasn't been to in quite some time. She knows that this break, while short, will give her time to regain her perspective. She just wants to forget all the hurt and focus on herself, it's just so hard to do that when it's continuously thrown back at her.

She's going to visit with her family, lay by the pool, do some much needed shopping, and have a few cold adult beverages. She's going to be happy, she's going to be with people that love her.

She knows she is going to be so much stronger for this, it's just going to take a while. For now, she's getting by, and looking forward to getting away, if just for a few days.

So my lovelies, she'll be gone for a few days, but she'll be back, a little tanner, and hopefully a little stronger.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

It Will Drive You Mad

One of my favorite movies of all time is Moulin Rouge. I love the story of the boy who loves the Corazon and can't have her. The music, the costumes, the entire production captivates me every time.

There is one scene in particular where the Moulin Rouge dancers are playing out a scene for the boy, to the music of Sting's Roxanne. They tell the boy that jealousy will drive him mad. This scene is so powerful. You can see his anger, his emotion, and in the end his heartache for what he can't control. The dancers are right all along of course.

I don't know why this reminds me of my life right now. While I'm not a poor, bohemian writer who's in love with a prostitute, I relate for some reason. I'm not jealous of what I don't have, in fact I know I don't need it. I guess the thing that's bothering me is that everyone else seems to think my personal life if their business. And the thing is, the people that are supposed to be the supportive "friends" make me feel worse about myself.

I hoped things would get easier and I would feel better sooner, rather than later. But it's just to hard to forget about everything when I have people in my life that keep reminding me. Keep bringing it up, and keep rubbing it in my face. These people are supposed to be the people that care the most about me, but I have to say, lately acquaintances have been more supportive than the people I've called friends for so long.

So, maybe jealousy over some male prostitute won't drive me mad, but seeing how easy it is for people who supposedly love, to hurt me just might.

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