Politely Said But Not Meant

I know people say things they don't mean. I say excuse me as I push through a crowded hall with my arms full of stuff, and what I really want to say is, "I'm in a hurry, and I'm carrying this heavy stuff, get the hell out of the way." But I don't, that's not the polite thing to do. But lately I've wondered, when is it not polite to say things you don't really mean? When do you cross the line, when do feelings get hurt, when do you know when the person you say it to thinks your completely full of shit, and not being meaningful?

He says to her, "Don't give up on us, I don't want you to give up on us."
What she hears is, I can tell you are starting to lose interest, and I want to keep you around just in case I decide this is what I want.

Hey says to her, "I did just get out of a serious relationship, but I've already had a rebound, let me take you out sometime."
What she hears is, I want in your pants.

He says to her, "I'm just not feeling it."
What she hears is, I miss my ex, and I really think I've got to try to get her back.

He says to her, "You are so sweet and beautiful, but you aren't a girly girl at all, I like that."
What she hears is, I've got to play this just right, she's independent and I think she will fall for this non-girly girl crap.

He says to her, "I don't want any competition, just me and you."
What she hears is, I'm to lazy to show you I care, so I'm just going to make you understand that I'm not going to put in the effort.

She politely listens to it all, everything they say, but she hears the truth in it. She knows when it's not meant.

An Empty Bench

There are no players in Ann's game right now. That's right, the bench is empty. The clock has reset, and I'm looking for a new starting five, I'm kidding I know that sounds terrible.

But seriously, in the past, I've quite dating all my little "flings" that were only around to keep me occupied (wow that sounds terrible also). This time, I think I sort of self destructed. For some reason or another I've found myself single with no one even remotely tickling my fancy. There aren't even any real prospects for my next fabulous disaster. Not that I really mind it, I'd rather wait for Mr. Right then go out with Mr. Wrong, but it is a little boring.

So, while I'm waiting for my new starting five to appear I'm going to do what any small town southern girl who grew up playing basketball with the boys would do, redesign this years uniforms, run a few line drills to keep me in shape, and maybe rethink the criteria for making "Ann's Starting Five".

The Event Of The Season

I went home for my dad's "Surprise Almost 50" birthday party this past weekend. It was wild! My mom and I had planned every last detail. To the black plates, napkins, and forks, the band, the cake, and tons of food, to the black cooler cups for party favors. We just knew it was going to be the event of the season, and we were right.

After a lot of sneaky work by some family members we got dad out of the way so we could get the "main event" set up. A buddy of his took him for what I can only assume was a mini booze cruise because dad was a little tipsy when he finally got home at 7pm.

The party started at 7 with dad arriving at around 7:45pm. We flew in brother chef (that was the big surprise), and several family members came from out of town. When I arrived at the event there were close to 150 people already in attendance. Dad showed up about an hour later. He was shocked, he had absolutely no idea. We sent out close to 300 invitations, and still no one told him, I couldn't believe we got him.

Once brother chef showed up, the party really got started. I think dad was amazed at the people there, and the fact that his only son flew all the way from the East Coast. He was almost in tears as he looked around at the crowd. (and my dad is not a crier)

We drank, ate, danced, and drank some more. It was raining cats and dogs outside. The electricity went out, and there was a hell of a lightning show. When the lights went out at 11:30, we kept on drinking and having a good time. There was no reason to drive home in that weather.

It was one of the best parties to hit my small southern home town in a long time. It was definitely the "event of the season".

Happy Birthday Baby!

It's been a year, that's right, a whole year since my first post. I can't believe it 's been that long. It seems like just yesterday I wrote that I WANT, WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT IT, by the way, I haven't changed my mind about that. I've been thinking about what turns my life has taken in the past year. What has made me smile, what has make me cry, what has made me, me.

One year ago I had just moved back to Central Arkansas from North Carolina. I had just taken a job, moved into a cute, and later to be broken into house, met a new neighbor, and started my old-new life back in Little Rock. I bought a dog, named him after expensive luggage, and he and I began getting to know each other and our new home. My neighbor and I shared several nights on our back steps with our little dogs, a cold drink, and an occasional smoke. I was content to stay home most every night with Louie V and a good movie.

Then the weather turned colder, I met a few boys that helped to change my mind about staying home so much, and I met a new good friend. I started going out more, went to my first Hogs game, and realized my appreciation for a good Vodka Tonic. The celebration of the new year left me a little disappointed as I realized that I wasn't any different than I had been the year before. Still dating all the wrong guys, still working in basically the same job for the same amount of money, no major vacations to look forward to, and still weighing a few pounds more than what I wanted to. But I also realized I was healthy and fairly happy, it could have been much worse.

As I snuggled in for a cold winter, I met a guy who warmed me up a little. Actually he was a long time crush that finally took notice and ask me out. It was short lived though as he had a million and one things going on in his life, and there just wasn't room for me. I moved on, a little upset by the ordeal, but I knew that it was for the best. He had a long road to travel, and he didn't need me tagging along.

The weather started to warm up, and my best friend from home became a father. This made our lives very different. We are definitely not as close as we used to be, but we are growing up, it can't always be beer and back roads when I come home.

Then I met the guy that would change some things, well for a couple of months before he hit the road. He was fun while he lasted, but it was never meant to be. So I went back to me and Louie V. I moved into a new, safer apartment as my house continued to get vandalized on an almost daily basis, my best neighbor moved to another town, and I was almost starting all over again. I got back into the habit of taking care of myself, and not a boyfriend. I got used to my own schedule again, and I lost those few pounds I'd been trying to get rid of.

The last relationship had left me a little shaky, but an old acquaintance came along and smoothed me out. He was sweet, thoughtful, and treated me exactly the way I wanted to be treated. After an amazing weekend on the coast with him, I never considered looking back. I knew that things would be difficult, but I wanted to try. I knew the distance would be hard, but to me it was worth it. Then, just a few hours before he was supposed to fly out to see me in LR, we ended it. It was just to hard, to difficult, and to much work. That was a few days ago.

Looking back, I can't see that I've really changed that much since this time last year. I still have most of the same friends, throw in a few new ones. I'm still happy, healthy, and Louie V is full grown (minus his package that was taken from him at 6 months old). I still love sexy jeans and pointed toed high heals. I still love funky jewelry and not to much makeup I still love to slow dance in my living room with someone special, and I still love to run and work out most every day.

So here's to another year of not to many changes. Happy Birthday Baby!

Benched

It turns out that after all of my worrying, and wondering about how the game would play out this past weekend, he wouldn't even make it to the court. Thursday night we decided, (by we I mean me and a few glasses of wine) that it would be better if he spent the weekend in Mississippi. After talking to the MS Boy, it was pretty obvious that this was going to be more of a good bye weekend instead of a "lets work on us weekend". So I told him to stay in MS, and that if he did come to LR I wouldn’t be there to meet him at the airport.

Harsh words coming from such a sweet southern girl, but my feelings were hurt, and I felt like he had wasted my time. So, instead of hoping for a three point shot at the buzzer, I benched him. I felt a little regretful on Friday, especially when he kept text messaging me asking me what I was doing and telling me he wished he was in LR with me. But on Saturday I went to Jonesboro, my old college stomping ground. I haven't been back since I graduated several years ago. It was great, just what I needed to take my mind of things and put be back in the game.

MS Boy called me last night, and we talked like we used to, it was great. But after the conversation ended I was left feeling a little hallowed by it. Does he just want to be my friend, a friend that used to talk like a guy that used to like me more as a friend? Does he want to keep me around on a string? Or does he think that one day maybe he will get off the bench and back into the game? I just don't know.

She Shoots, She-Bricks?

I've been wondering a lot lately about dating and basketball. When is it okay to rebound date, and when do you line up, and shoot to score. As I've recently gotten out of a relationship, I was faced with a full court press by another guy. He said and did everything right. After a month of talking on the phone every day, I flew out to Biloxi to see him. We had a great time, he reminded me of how I wanted to be treated. I hadn't been treated with that much respect in a long time.

But then I wondered, will this be a rebound? I was fresh out of a relationship. I didn't want it to be just a rebound, I've know the guy forever, and player he is not. So the weekend was a true test to me as to rather or not there would be feelings there when I left to come home. The feelings were there, but I still wasn't completely convinced that it wasn't sun, beach, and cute boy induced feelings. I needed to be sure.

Then I decided to just go for it, I closed my eyes and threw a Hail Mary shot. I went to Oxford a couple of weeks later to see him and hang out with his family. And something happened, it wasn't the same. I wondered if it was the lack of sand or sun, or the fact that my sweet affectionate MS Boy wasn't like I remembered when I'd first gone to visit him. The feelings just weren't there, and that's when I think I realized that the ball is still in the air, in my court mind you. He will be in LR to see me this weekend, and I'm waiting to see if the ball will bounce off the glass at the buzzer, or if it will hit nothing but net!