Friendships After Relationships

Is it possible to start a friendship after the end of a relationship? A good friend of mine once told me that it's impossible for a straight female and a straight male to truly be friends (This coming from my oldest straight guy friend). My friend argued that once you reach a certain age it becomes impossible because one of the two will have some sort of "non-friendly" feelings towards the other. Be it a sexual attraction, a crush, or love-they do say friends make the best lovers.

But what about two people meeting, dating for a short time, ending it, and then remaining friends? Is that even possible, especially if the two people didn't have a friendship before they starting dating? I have always thought it was possible. I have always tried to stay friends with guys after I dated them. Sometimes the guy made it impossible to remain friends, but I always gave it a try. One of my best guy friends and I actually dated in college. But, there are limitations for me on how good of friends I can be with a guy after we date.

I think the more "G-Rated" the relationship is, the easier it is to build a friendship after the relationship ends. I think that when a relationship stays "G-Rated" you tend to talk more, and learn more about the person, this could be because there is not a lot of action, so there is plenty of time for chatting. (I'm actually dealing with this right now. We had a VERY G-Rated relationship, and now we are working on the friend thing. However, I'm worried that he is trying to woo me, and wants more than he is letting on. For example, he has asked me out with his friends the past two nights, and wants me to go out with them tonight for Fat Tuesday--which actually sounds like a lot of fun.)

I think the more emotional a relationship is, the harder it is to become friends after things end. When the relationship is still fun and casual, then it ends, there is not a lot invested in it, so it's easier to move forward with a friendship. However, some people are not capable of this because one person cared more than the other, and somewhere along the way, someone has gotten his/her feelings hurt. Even if the couple just "dated" for a very short time. I also think it depends a lot on the maturity level of the people involved.

I have been told that I am a great friend after the relationship ends. I don't get jealous, I don't get territorial, I am just happy that I met this person and made something out of it, since it was obvious we were not "meant for each other". I've even gone so far as to hook an ex up with girls I know. I look at it as, "he's a great guy, not the great guy for me, but that does not mean he won't be the great guy for someone I know". If that's not a good friend, then I don't know what it is--crazy maybe?

Men And Unicorns

Well I think I've done it. One long weekend at home, several ignored phone calls, a few nonspecific e-mails, and absolutely no guys in my life right now. None! It's relaxing, it's uncomplicated, it's so freaking boring. What was I thinking, seriously? No, no, I was right to have this bit of early spring cleaning. I don't want to date someone just to occupy my time, I'm not that kind of girl. I'm not going to go out to dinner this Saturday night with a guy I'm not interested in just for an expensive meal, that's not who I am. I do love sashimi though!

So, this is not the first time I've decided to just be completely single, it's not the first time I've gotten rid of every member of the opposite sex (that wasn't a family member, good friend, or Louie V). This is actually the third time, three times in the past two years. Now, I am going to have a great girls weekend, so hopefully I will meet some new interesting boys. I say boys because as my girlfriends and I have discussed, we rarely date men. Apparently they don't exist, they are a myth, like unicorns or honest politicians.

I'm very much looking forward to this weekend though. I haven't had a weekend in LR in three weeks, I'm due for a good night of listening to live music at my favorite bar. I'm due for a drink with my girl friends. I'm due for some innocent flirting with boys. I'm due for some dancing and a toast to the girls!

*Here's to unicorns and men, may the myth become a reality, or a least a story that will become a legend!* (I just made that up by the way!)

Speed Dating

Apparently Speed Dating is coming to Little Rock soon, but I think I've been doing it for months now. Okay, not the actual "sit and have an organized conversation with a guy for ten minutes then the bell rings and you switch" type dating, lets not get crazy. But I've had lot's of quick relationships where it mine as well have been ten minutes. What's ten minutes to a week or so?

Last November I decided to go on a hunger strike, no more dating until after the New Year. I thought I needed time to regroup, to clear the slate-so to speak. I was also waiting around on someone to ask me out, and I knew this would happen after January 1. So since then, I've dated/hung out with six guys. Six!! That's in less than two months, that can't be right. But it is, and it averages out to not much more than about a week a guy.

This has to be a new form of speed dating. I've known and admitted for some time now that I'm a serial dater, but I'm starting to wonder if this is a problem. I don't want to be a serial dater, it's just how things happen for me. I don’t want to just date a guy for about a week, but that's the habit I've been in. Of the six guys I've dated, only one had my attention and kept it, only one made an affect on me.

So, for now, I guess I'm destined to be involved in my own type of speed dating. I meet a guy, we go out a couple of times, we talk pretty often, and then poof, the bell rings and I lose interest and move on to the next potential date (victim).

I know, I know, I just haven't met the right guy yet. This could be the reason why I date around so much. But, of five, surely one of them could interest me enough to keep me around for more than a week. Then again, maybe I’m just not ready to slow date.

Sometimes You Need To Escape

Sometimes when I'm tired, over whelmed, angry, sad, or just in need of a break from Little Rock, I need to escape. I did that this past weekend. I had three days off, so Louie V and I went home to my small southern town. I went back to a slower pace, a comfortable lifestyle, friends, family, and a snow storm too. It was a great weekend, it was what I needed to recharge and rethink some things.

I met up with my best friend from high school, and we took the town by storm. Well actually we just had a couple of fun nights fueled by our love of scotch and vodka tonics. It was wonderful! The house band was playing at the only bar in town, it snowed and was absolutely beautiful, and the drinks where much cheaper than in Little Rock.

Saturday my moms "stylist" came to our house and cut and colored our hair--now that's service. I didn't even bother to get out of my PJ's. I cooked soup, corn muffins, brownies, and rotell for my parents. We watched the NASCAR race (yes I actually do watch cars going round and round a track), we played cards, we watched movies, I relaxed. It was nice to escape, if only for a weekend.

I had plenty of time to think. I had plenty of time to decide a few things (more on that tomorrow). And I had just enough time to catch up with some people that don't live in Little Rock, people I don't get to see very often.

Nothing Romantic About Them

I don't know why, but I love Gerber Daises. They aren't overly romantic, they aren't typically given as a romantic gesture, but I like them. I think they are colorful and simple, and they smell great.

I've never received Gerber Daises on Valentines Day, not for any occasion actually. I've gotten roses; red, yellow, white, and pink-- more than I can count. I've gotten chocolates, stuff bears, all of the typical romantic Valentines Day stuff, but never Gerber Daises.
That's funny since Gerber Daises are my favorite.

It's strange that no guy, in the past, has taken the time to learn that I'm not a big fan of roses. I would rather have flowers than chocolate, and I've gotten plenty of stuffed animals over the years. But never Gerber Daises. Maybe that's because florists have yet to push them as a "romantic flower". Well maybe that's the reason I like Gerber Daises, because there is nothing romantic about them.

Screw Cupid

I've never been a big fan of Valentines Day. Even when I was in grade school and there wasn't the pressure of the "romantic holiday", I didn’t like it. I always took cards to my classmates, and I always wondered how many cards I would get in return. I hated sorting through all of the cards that said things like "Be Mine" and trying to figure out who to give these to so that no one would think I had a crush on them. I know this all seems very childish, but even then I was conscious of my actions. The "Happy Valentines Day Friend" would go to the boy I didn't think was cute, while the "Will You Bee My Honey Bear" card would go to the cute boy in the class. Even then it was not something I looked forward to.

Now, I don't really hate it, I just don't see the point. I don't want to sound pessimistic, but I think it's more of a holiday for card and candy companies. Unless you met your "true love" on Valentines Day, or it was your first date, or it has some real meaning besides just being February 14th, what's the point? I think Valentines Day just serves to put pressure on people to make romantic gestures that aren't necessarily from the heart, but are done more for show. I don't want that kind of gesture.

Now, before I become one of those, "she only hates Valentines Day because she doesn't have a man" type girls, let me assure you this is not the case. I feel like this every year, boyfriend or not, and I don't hate Valentines Day, I just don't like what it's become.

I have very nice plans tomorrow tonight, I'm not going to sit at home and mope--like I would anyway. I'm very excited about them, but I will assure you they will be without stupid, empty romantic gestures.

So Cupid, when your out flying around tomorrow night passing out love and blah, blah, blah, feel free to just fly right by my house, I’m not interested. I don't want anything your giving away this year.

All The Right Little Things

I've been thinking about past dating experience, relationships, crushes, etc. (It seems like I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately) I've been thinking about all the little things I want. I am so used to not getting anything back that it seems like the little things are so much better than I ever remembered them to be. Funny how much more appreciative you are of things when you've done without for so long.

The little things have begun to add up and do big things for my attitude. A phone call when promised, an e-mail, a text message to say hi, a stop by late at night just to see me, an introduction to his friends, a lunch date during the middle of the week, advance plans for the weekend, future plans for the next month. All of these things have added up, and they have equaled out to something I'm very comfortable with. I don't feel any anxiety, no nervousness. I haven't been comfortable in so long that I almost can't remember how it feels. It's not infatuation, it's not a crush. It's respect, it's better.

In the past I've lied to myself. I've tried to convince myself that things were better or worse than the reality of the situation. I've been negative, non-trusting, pessimistic. I've been a little bitter, a little spiteful, a little spinster. But not right now, right now I'm a little happy, a little excited, a little comfortable.

He's done all the right little things.

No Longer Anonymous

When I first started writing I was anonymous. Just a few people knew about this site, and those people where good friends and sworn to secrecy. At the beginning I wasn't really sure what direction I was headed and what I would divulge to those who did read. Things have changed now. I'm not as anonymous as I once was. Through some fault of my own (a bottle of wine, no dinner, and a friends computer that was turned on) I've let the cat out of the bag, so to speak.

My mother has located this site. She knows me to well, of course she would be able to find it. A friend of mine who has nothing better to do then search for it has located it, it's obvious my anonymity is lost.

I don't think I have written anything particularly bad about anyone. I've been honest, and I've written from my point of view, and how things have affected me. Still, I don't know how I would feel about former boyfriends, crushes, etc. reading about themselves if they where ever to run across it. (This is highly unlikely, but you never know) So I'm faced with a decision. I can either try to keep my semi-anonymous blog existence, I can just tell people the site address when they ask me and not worry about who reads, or I can end the whole thing, start a new site some where else, and continue on anonymously.

*On another note, Louie V's half sister, and good friend, Mouzelle passed away over the weekend. Please keep Mouzelle and her mom in your prayers.

Excuses, Excuses

I've broken one of the "things I won't do" from my New Years non-resolutions. I went out with an ex. That's right, he's the one that just kept coming back, so I went out to dinner with him the other night.

I actually had a good time. We went to a Japanese restaurant that I really like. Then we went back and sat on my porch with a bottle of wine and talked. It was nice, we had a lot of things to catch up on. We did have a huge discussion on the reason why "women my age" are not married yet. (Are you kidding me? Women my age? I'm in my mid 20's) Anyway, the ex thinks that women my age aren't married because of women's rights. He feels like women no longer have to get married because they don't have to marry for the convenience of being "taken care of by a man". He said that women think they are so independent and superior now, that men get tired of them. (I'm sorry WHAT?) What man actually believes this?

Of course I was ready to fight this "theory". I told him I didn't know a man who wouldn’t want a woman who has a job and can contribute to the bill paying. I told him I thought a man would want a woman who was driven and working. He just laughed and said I was wrong about that. So it's my fault that I'm single because I have a job, I can pay my own bills, and I have drive? According to him it is. I don't know if someday he expects his wife to stay home and cook and clean for him, but if that's what he wants it's a good thing he's an ex. I told him if he ever used that excuse it would be because he was to lazy to actually put time into the relationship. He would use the fact that she was stable to get out of the relationship all together (or he would just never call her back, he's good at that).

So why did I go out with him in the first place? I really don't know. I guess I was interested in what he wanted. He's a very shady character. He probably won't call me again until at least the end of February, that's just his way. I won't sit around and wait on him, but I sure did enjoy the debate about why I will never find a husband.

Did I Shave My Legs For Them

I have some of the best girlfriends ever! When things in my life are a little crazed they rush right over with wine (or in last nights case Miller Lite) and cigarettes when it's really needed. They rummage though my fridge, they play with the dog, they eat the pizza and ice cream that was reserved for someone else.

They stay over until I am exhausted from laughing at their retold stories of the weekend before. Laughing about my friends big feet, talking about hurricanes blowing into town (aka my good friend who is a total man eater), and trying to remember all of the guys we met the weekend before relaxes me. It makes me laugh until I cry and makes me realize how great it is to have such incredible friends.

It's been a long time since I've had girlfriends that where like that. Actually, they are not like any girls I've ever known. They are just wild enough not to be boring, and just tame enough not to be out of control. They sound great don't they? They are, but seriously, I don't shave my legs for them, even if last night I shaved, and they all came over.